Feel free to link to band webpages or whatever, so long as its actually your work!
Wow.
Shout out to the CBG.
Hell yeah.
Weeell...
It's nice to put a voice to at least one of the names in the CBG. I hate rap myself. Primarily because, as one of the few African Americans in Brisbane, white teens often expect me to be "all gangsta and shit". The thought of being likened to men who capitalise on drug idolatry and misogynism through the medium of "song", thus perpetuating the very condescension they seek to avet, is a sad thing indeed. Makes me wanna get all up in a brother's face and start some shit, but then I remember that I ain't no ignorant nigga.
Ahem. Well, on topic, if you want any real advice, work on your cadence. There's a notable lack of consistency, and if there's one hallmark of a good rapper, it's repetition[/sarcasm]. Breathing exercises will help. Also, a melody will assist in developing a more dynamic pace than what you're working with.
And don't forget assonance and alliteration! Simply rhyming at the end of a sentence is FRIGHTFULLY dull.
Hehe, "Shout out to the CBG." Honoured, I'm sure.
Thanks for the pointers, SA, I'll be sure to keep them in mind.
I'm mostly doin' this for fun, but I do want to improve as an artist. I plan on doing mostly fantasy and "geeky" raps in the future, and I'm willing to collaborate with people on lyrics-- "Free Thought" really is just a stream of conciousness, inconsistant within itself because I've never rapped or recorded anything before.
:)
SA hit the nail right on the head with the cadence thing. I could write some lyrics... though they'd invariably be either horribly depressing or wildly hilarious (I guess they aren't so invariable... I guess what I mean is that there's no middle ground).
Also, the "geek rap" thing has been done about a billion times on the internet. Go metal.
Also, rap has (or had) great potential as a medium. The shit they play today isn't rap though. It's hip-hop, as evidenced by it's frequent (way too fucking frequent) repetition of hooks and choruses, sometimes to the exclusion of verse. Sad, really.
Must not click link... must not... dag nammit!
It was amusing, though.
If you were wanting serious feedback, I'll have to reiterate a song coach cliche and say sing from deep in your chest. There were a few lines where your voice trailed off instead of following through all the way to the end, as though you were exhaling the last of your breath a word or two short.
Also, while some may disagree, the more successful songs in the rap genre are actually very sophisticated compositions, much more than just a back-beat and lyrics at a constant pace. It could definately benefit from a melody, as well as a more dymanic bridge to lead into chorus.
Agreed. I suggest you check out Nas' debut album. That thing is an undisputed gem.
OKay, here goes... this was some stuff my band recorded a couple years ago:
www.myspace.com/brandondaggerhart
It's been a long, good run, but unfortunately, it's time to lay aside the mic.
My rap days are done. I know that may be a sad statement for all of my fans out there, but it had to be done-- It's for the best, really.
....I really do suck at rap. I've decided to stick to my strengths.
Aw... where'd the link go?
Awww. :(
At least you gave it your best.
What happened to the link???
I finally got my audio working, and no music....
Quote from: CYMROWhat happened to the link???
I finally got my audio working, and no music....
There was no music either way, just some poorly-done crap by me. :P
Go listen to Ishy's stuff. It's
music.
I've decided to dabble with rap again. Be warned.
MC ARISTO: "What You Left Behind" (http://www.zshare.net/audio/what-you-left-behind-mp3.html), with beat by Shadowville Productions. All vocals provided by yours truly. Still a work in progress.
My unrefined "crew" (http://myspace.com/ritzcrew) page, featuring a couple of friends and me.
Quote from: Elven DoritosI've decided to dabble with rap again. Be warned.
MC ARISTO: "What You Left Behind" (http://www.zshare.net/audio/what-you-left-behind-mp3.html), with beat by Shadowville Productions. All vocals provided by yours truly. Still a work in progress.
My unrefined "crew" (http://myspace.com/ritzcrew) page, featuring a couple of friends and me.
There's something about it that seems... I dunno, I guess I'd say inconsistant, or pieced together. That said, since I can't figure out what it is, I'm just going to say good job. Kinda reminds me of Eminem, in a way.
That said, rap isn't exactly my favorite musical genre, so I can't really give any more feedback.
Already linked to my band's Spazz profile, but I'll do it again!
www.myspace.com/ziekenisgod
To be fair, though, the recordings on there don't really do us justice :P
We're working on some new recordings/re-recordings at the moment.
http://www.zshare.net/audio/the-robbery-mp3.html
Speed-written and recorded over a Shadowville beat: it's unpolished, in parts ugly, but overall a quick job (under an hour and half spent on the whole project).
I can't wait to get back internet at home so I can listen to this stuff.
Re: What you left behind
Some bad points, but don't toss it; some of that stuff is freaking awesome. I'd agree on the disjointed bit. You use a bunch of voices*, but you only need the three: What seems to be your naturally occuring voice, the mock Middle-Eastern voice, and the government official. Also, you don't need rhyming place holders like "you see." You do lots of awesome rhyming throughout. If it doesn't occur naturally, just pause for a second. It'll sound less forced that way, I think. I should mention that I was torn on the Middle Eastern guy in a couple of places (the "y'know"s and "you see"s bugged me, and in a few places he lapsed into a Northern European accent) but from the moment the mild distortion sets in you've got him perfect. And whatever you do, don't change press conferrence guy; you nailed him.
*Are DJ Aristo and MC Omen both you? That would simplify things, allowing me to say that your Aristo trumps your Omen any day of the week. If you still need an omen, get a second dude to speak and/or write for him. Normally I'd volunteer, being a perfect candidate, but I got no mic.
Re:Zeiken
Really good. Got womb and SHC were okay (and SHC ended really well). Hijacked by God seems like a little cleaning up (not sure what I mean by that) could make it the best of the three.
Re:that other thing
Omen's improving slightly. By including a hook or a chorus, you do move unnecessarily closer to hip-hop as opposed to rap. Needless to say, I prefer rap.
And to all: Please keep this stuff on the internet. I'm starting college in January with any luck and intend to study animation. It'd be awesome if I could use your stuff in the soundtrack for later projects.
I'm not going to respond directly to any of the criticisms, but I'll definitely say I took them into consideration. I did another rap a few weeks ago that I never uploaded, so I figured I'd share it here. There are a couple screwups that still drive me up the wall, but anyone who heard my earlier attempts can tell it's a huge improvement.
Since Zshare puts ads in the middle of songs now, you'll want to download it if you want to hear the whole thing without rebuffering.
Warning: explicit lyrics, etc., etc.
mr o- four white walls.mp3 - 4.25MB (http://www.zshare.net/audio/482350588eb77a/)
Fun stuff, that.