BEFORE THERE EXISTED THE NEW WORLD, there was a world that expanded into infinite space. The Mighty Gods strode this space, as it was their home, and it was from thence that the Cosmic One first spoketh:
'Yea, Friends and Foes alike; I propose a competition!'
The Mighty Gods heard the Cosmic One, mightiest of mighty, cleverest of his kin, and one did speak: Sotirod Nevle, the curious trickster god. 'What, pray tell, do you speak of? A contest of wit? Of intelligence?'
The Cosmic One responded: 'Yea, in a sense, yet not wholly; We shall gather together and create one world. We Mighty Ones shall form one world, and each will be given his province to rule.' The Cosmic One spread his arms thence and created from nothingness everything. 'Each shall create a people and a mass of land!'
The first to respond was Nocorell Ralethian, the most vain of the gods. 'I shall be first, then! I create the Elves, the First and Greatest of Races. They are fairest, quickest, wisest, and most magical of all. Truly, a blessed race. They shall cover the vast forests, the lush meadows, and expansive plains of Aeaiuia, the Most Avoweled Continent.'
The next to speak was Moranid, the stoutest and most hammered of gods. 'My people, the Dwarves, will work, work, work, work. They shall be the most reliable, hungry, and alcoholically tolerant of all species, and are the finest craftsmen.'
Nocorell again spoke. 'Next to the elves.'
Moranid did stay his hammer, for a hammered deity was one who could not be a designated driver. 'Very well, brother Nocorell. The dwarves are also socially inept, mistrustful of outsiders, and have to work the jobs none else will. But through it all, they prove their great heart. They will live in the caves, as well as underground, so that Moranid does not have to gaze upon their countenance. For yea, they do not please his eyes.'
The next to speak was Joey, who did sayeth: 'My race is humans. They, uh, took over Nocorell's continent, and did rename it 'Calaga' in honor of their leader. They converted the paradise into a group of city-states, and did create a violent and virulent culture that ruined Nocorell's paradise, warping the magical land into something still morphic, but with hints of the mundane. They are the most violent and adaptable of all people.'
Nocorell groaned. 'Thy laziness knows no bounds! Treacherous oafs, your humans are!'
Joey did shrug.
The other gods assembled quickly became disconcerted, and the Cosmic One did sooth their ears: 'Screw it,' said he, 'We shall just play Xbox.'
And thus, since the Great Gods had become bored, the New World was finished. From time to time, the Gods may return, but their boredom inevitably returns soon after.
[spoiler=Map](http://img241.imageshack.us/img241/2047/themapcopyhp3.png)[/spoiler]
How to Play
The New World is the ultimate roleplaying and worldbuilding forum game, in that you can either play as a god, play as one of the identified player races, or both. The only rules to the game are the following.
1) You can either play a character set in the New World through freeform RP (these are 'players'), or modify and add on to the material presented (these are 'worldbuilders' or 'gods'). You can play either of these, and both at the same time, but with one proviso: You cannot play in any region or with any species (or whatever) that you have worked on by yourself. Once you've created a character, you lose worldbuilding privileges for that species, region, and race for as long as you play that character.
2) Don't get too attached to characters. Worldbuilders can modify the era, cause wars to occur, and create natural disasters in select regions. Any worldbuilder who acts in malice or picks on certain people can be ejected, pending the approval of the Cosmic One.
3) Amendments to the names of places and things are only official when a Worldbuilder posts the adequate information for it. Anything larger than a city needs to have at least the approval of another worldbuilder.
4) Amendments to the ruleset, including more specific combat rules, must be met with the majority approval of the worldbuilders. Also: keep it simple, stupid.
5) I am Sotirod Nevle, current bearer of the Mantle of the Cosmic One. Anyone playing a god must have a name and a domain, though domains can overlap.
6) Invalidating previously established material is a no-no. Only gods can do it, and with wide support from other worldbuilders.
7) Competition is encouraged, but remember that this stuff is lighthearted and meant to be fun. I mean, one of the cities has '2Pac Lives!' as its description, for chrissakes.
(Any questions? Any rules suggestions? Anybody actually want to play? It sounds lame, now that I've written it all out)
I am Bobba Fett, god of Natural Disasters, Straws, and creater of all elementals
It does not sound lame, oh mighty Cosmic one.
To avoid more than minor involvment, however, I will play Tang, DemiGod of imitation Orange Juice, Innocent bystanders, astronauts,and excessive collateral damage.
AS long as that meets your comic approval.
Bobba Fett and Tang: You have been appointed as members of the Sotirodian Pantheon. Your power is inexplicably, and quite subjectively, related to the complexity of your respective religions and the number of holy wars your followers cause.
So be it, Mighty One.
I go to create miracles of Artificially Colored Carnage...
Behold, I am Raven
And it is my destiny to watch over
Birds
Goth Girls with too much makeup
And aerial bombardment!
Oh Brother Raven,
My astronaut children have let me know that in the City Known as Something (which we all know was formerly called Nancy, before the Disco accident), there are Goth Girls, wearing entirely too much makeup, drinking Vodka and artificially-flavored Redbull.
I fear their Loyalties may be split. What dire punishment can we send o'er them?
[ooc](I must be really tired and buzzed) [/ooc]
i am now the creater of all elementals
yes, may i causs a giant fllod and an earthquake w/ a thunderstorm and a hurricane?
i just made a big fissure that streches all the way from north to south in the blanklands and sent a bunch of earth elementals to live in it
can i make the elemental planes?
excuse me o great cosmic for making many random posts. Anywho, may i create dragons?
I shall be the God of Muffins.
Decree 1: All muffins are created equally, despite their different flavors
Decree 2: No muffin shall be enslaved as headgear.
Quote from: LordVreegOh Brother Raven,
My astronaut children have let me know that in the City Known as Something (which we all know was formerly called Nancy, before the Disco accident), there are Goth Girls, wearing entirely too much makeup, drinking Vodka and artificially-flavored Redbull.
I fear their Loyalties may be split. What dire punishment can we send o'er them?
[ooc](I must be really tired and buzzed) [/ooc]
Too much make up? For a Goth Girl! There is no such thing! I command that more make up be applied. Though little tiny wings do kind of ruin the whole Goth image. Stupid Red Bull! As punishment all Goth Girls with Red Bull wings will be forced to drink Imitation Orange Drink!
[blockquote=brother Raven]Too much make up? For a Goth Girl! There is no such thing! I command that more make up be applied. Though little tiny wings do kind of ruin the whole Goth image. Stupid Red Bull! As punishment all Goth Girls with Red Bull wings will be forced to drink Imitation Orange Drink![/blockquote]
I, Tang, will aid my brother, and replace their Redbull (not the vodka..drunk Gothgirls are somethign of a riot) with Tang. I also am cursing them to be able to balance on platforms no larger than 8 inches...feel my wrath!!!
shall i electricute their tang w/ my lightning bolts and cast a spell of permanency?
[blockquote=creater(SP)]shall i electricute their tang w/ my lightning bolts and cast a spell of permanency?[/blockquote]
Well, no...not after Raven and me took the time to get them Drunk...but could you send them some sippy-straws...?
ok, but i will become the god of straws
I am goddess of horribly stereotypical fantasy races with linguistically unsound names involving lots of meaningless apostrophes.
I bestow upon the world the K'ng'qz'ps Orcs, a violent tribe of green orcs who lives only for carnage, battle, more carnage, and kicking cute puppies.
we should make all of our creations go to war
I, Tang, in my incarnation as Demigod of collateral damage and innocent bystanders, find your K'ng'qz'ps Orcs (to be also known as the 'cut-and-paste' orcs tribe) groovy.
Sounds like they'll keep me busy.
AND YEA, the Orcs were bestowed upon the world by Great God, Sparkletwist. Sotirod did say: "They are strongest of all, verily. At least, thier odor is."
Oh Great Goddess Sparkletwist, where is the dwelling place for your oh-so-fun children? Where do they roam and destruct and apostrophize? Just making sure no one tells them where the Goth Clubs are...
I shall be known as Monty, god of silly things.
Things I rule to be silly include (but are not limited to) Silly walks, Songs about Camelot, Lumberjacks, the French, Hungarian Dictionaries, Flesh wounds, the Spanish Inquisition, and Rabbits with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
My first edict as God of silly things is that the land Needs A New Name (Formerly known as Suria) shall be renamed Ni.
I now construct the elemental planes!
I am Retsnismelkainen, EPIX WIZARD!!!!!TWELVE!
I herefore attack Monty in an attempt to become a god, slapping him across the face with a wet salmon and bedding any local female goddesses of magic in the process.
Also. Can I cast magic missile at the darkness?
I shall create a gigantic underground cavern network for my muffins to live in. Then I create muffins. In mass amounts. Here are the flavors:
Banana Nut, Blueberry, Chocolate, Poppy, and Jesus.
I counter Retsnismelkainen with a Holy Handgrenade
Hmm... I decree the homeland of the K'ng'qz'ps shall be the Land of Oz, which, of course, is just an abbreviation for its real name, the Land of Oz'kwz'qpn'sv.
I'm watching the daring wizard fight a God, and am hoping for some collateral damage.
I also send a befuddled messenger into the harch, poppy-filled land of Oz'kwz'qpn'sv, bearing a forged note that infers the Hobgoblins that fight the dwarves and compete with the kobolds in the mountains west of the Republic of Democracy thinks the Orcs of K'ng'qz'ps (cut-and-paste) are pretty loud.
[ooc]Can i play multiple gods?[/ooc]
Retsnimelkainen (herafter referred to as 'Wizardboy') casts his most deadly spell, and summons the MY LITTLE PONY OF DOOM! *cue cheesy music*
The pony proceeds to attempt to do Monty's hair in the newest pony fashion, do his nails, and paint him pink.
HAHA! The silliness only strengthens me!
My Frenchmen shall taunt you for that!
[ic=The French]Empty headed animal food-trough wiper! I wave my private parts at your aunties, wizardish pig-dog who has the brain of a duck, you know. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries![/ic]
If nothing's going on, the K'ng'qz'ps will start a war with someone. Anyone, really. It doesn't really matter. Maybe everyone. Maybe they'll start a war amongst themselves if nobody else is around. They're just like that.
Sparkletwist, the people of the fine city of 2Pac Lives! will go to war with your orcs. They ready their repeating crossbows, enhance the mageaulics of their chariots and carriages, and are ready to take levels in the Gangsta prestige class.
I command quintillions of elementals to attack The K'ng'qz'ps orcs and the city of 2pac lives and anything that stands in their way. at this time i would like to create a race of humanoid bendy straws and have them attack the elementals and i will cause a collossol rainstorm all over the world but amazingly, there are no floods!
sounds to Tang like he's going to get wet if he is going to be near the collateral damage.
*sigh*
Did we have a god of umbrellas yet?
I will, however, provide 40's full of artificially-flavored, orange malt beverage to keep the citizen's of 2PAC Live's refreshed. Hopefullt the humanoid bendy straws are small enough to be used vilely by the 2PACians.
I feel they will need all the help they can get with the orcs of the cut and paste.
i will ally my straws with your orange drinks tang.
The muffins feel like being peace makers and rain their advanced nukes on y'all
I Guess Tang is going to be showing his aspect as Patron of Innocent bystanders, if the nukes are rolling in. He grabs a muffin and starts chewing thoughtfully.
my army of elementals marches to the muffin homeland and the fire elementals burn them whilst the water elemantals make them extremely soggy, etc.
The wizard shrieks, realising he must do the least silly thing possible. He shoots a deadly, vicious, and powerful bolt of lightning at the god!
I, Raven, who has been busy watching the Goth Girls, command the birds to descend on the soggy muffins and eat there fill.
(Which side is doing what to whom? He says in a stage whisper to anyone listening?)
Tang nods to Brother Raven sagely. (No Clue, he says out of the side of his celstial mouth)
He grabs a bendystraw humanoid and sucks up some collateral damage worship...
[ic=Flavor Text: The City of Adencrest]Weary from travel, a weathered old man enters the Blue Boot Tavern of Adencrest, a city known for its unusual clockwork architecture and a tendency toward the darker part of society. Glaring at the mechanical bartender, its bottle-nose emerald eyes gleaming with magic, the man sputtered, "You and yours... the time of this city, of these sins, is at an end." Spitting on the mechanized creature to no reaction, he grumbled, finding a battered old wooden object that once could have passed as a chair.
The old man pulled the hood of his cloak tight, his yellowed teeth grinning malevolently. "The decay and squalor of Adencrest is soon at an end," he mused. "For the Greatest of All Time shall return on this day." He cackled. "Society has crumbled, but the Eternal Pariah will return! 2Pac Lives!"[/ic]
The elementals fail, as the muffins have a protective shield surrounding their land that none but the muffins themselves can go through.
ah, but they did not fail seeing as the ravvens have already begun to eat their fill of soggy muffins which were made soggy by the water elementals that Bobba Fett (creater of elementals, the elemental planes, Humanoid bendy straws, and god of natural disasters)created.
the elementals never got to the muffins, because the shield held them back, and the ravens couldn't get in either. the muffins were never soggy.
Tang watches the muffins be soggy, yet not.
he giggles at the smeipermeable muffin sho\ield that is there, but not, depending on who you ask.
The muffins send a muke at the elementals. (muffin-nuke. 10x more powerful than a normal nuke, yet there are no radioactive clouds left over, only massive amounts of muffin-paratroopers [moofers])
they disperse before muke reaches them and attempt to allt with other forces as to destroy the muffins
Tang tires of elementals and muffins, and goes to check on what is playing on screen 2, the cut-and-paste orcs and 2PACS carjackers
As for the K'ng'qz'ps, they're still at war. With everyone. Carjackers, elementals, muffins, whatever. Carjackers are no problem, because they don't use cars anyway! The K'ng'qz'ps like to attack in a big, incoherent horde, because that's what orcs always do. They've all got big axes and meat cleavers and stuff, too, so watch out.
If any muffins happen to cross 'em, they'll just eat them, because everyone knows orcs like to eat almost as much as they like to fight.
A new era blooms in the midst of the elemental-muffin clash, for a new GOD has risen. Sired by ... you know what? let's skip this part. I mean it's not as much of a train wreck as the whole Greek mythology seems to be, with sisters doubling as wives, but it's still a train wreck.
ahem, anyway.
A new dawn, a new era, a new GOD! Behold, the Age of IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient!
On the First Day of The Glorious Age of IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient took a hot bath.
On the Second Day, at which point IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient was still bathing, he opened one of the gift baskets the Nymph-ish demi-goddesses kept on leaving him, as IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient is quite a handsome devil. GOD, I mean, he's not a devil. Upon dumping a silly strawberry scented pink gel into the water he had a GODly idea. LET THERE BE BUBBLES! he thus spoke. and there were and he saw that they were good, which he knew anyway, and he was pleased. He thus passed his first holy Commandment (after an initial veto, then a quick smiting, and then few coins passing palms):
I
BUBBLE BATHS AND BUBBLE BATH POTIONS ARE HEREBY RESERVED FOR THE GODS, AS SMELLING LIKE STRAWBERRIES DOES NOT SUIT YOU. OR PEACHES FOR THAT MATTER. OR MELON. HEY! DID I MAKE AN EXCEPTION? I THOUGHT NOT. SO KNOCK OFF THE LISTING OF EVERY SCENT IMAGINABLE AND LAY OFF THE BUBBLE BATHES.
Upon farther reflection on how much he liked bubble bathes, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient passed his second holy Commandment (there was no red-tape this time):
II
DON'T GIVE BUBBLE-BATH POTION TO THE OTHER GODS. OR ANYTHING ELSE I MIGHT LIKE. BECAUSE, UMM, LIKE, IT MAKES ME THINK YOU LOVE ME LESS...I MEAN, I'M NOT TRYING TO SOUND CLINGY OR ANYTHING, BUT DON'T YOU THINK I DESERVE IT MORE? I MEAN, THOSE OTHER GODS KINDA SUCK. YOU DON'T SEE DEMI-GODDESSES LINING UP OUT THERE DOOR, DO YOU? WELL, YES I'M AWARE THAT YOUR MORTAL EYES CANNOT BEHOLD THE HOUSE OF MY DIVINE SELF, AND THEREFOR CANNOT SEE ANYTHING LINING UP OUTSIDE IT. I AM OMNISCIENT, AFTER ALL. BUT YOU'VE GOT TO TRUST ME ON THIS, THERE'S A WHOLE BUNCH OF TREES OUTSIDE MY DOOR. WELL, YES I DO LIVE IN THE WOODS. NO, THEY'RE NYMPHS! YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE STARTING TO PISS ME OFF! SO:
III
THOU SHALL NOT ARGUE WITH ME, EVEN IF THOU ART MY PROPHET. EVER. NOW LET'S TRY THE JUNIPER SCENTED STUFF, AND AFTER THAT SOME BATH SALTS THE DESERT NOMADS KEEP SENDING. I THINK THERE MIGHT BE SOME SMITING IN ORDER IF THOSE DON'T RELAX ME. AND FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, STOP WRITING DOWN EVERY LITTLE THING I SAY! NO, THAT COMMANDMENT CAN BE PART OF THIS ONE. YOU KNOW HOW I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ONLY WRITE ON ONE SIDE OF THE PAPER? WELL, IF YOU MADE THAT A NEW COMMANDMENT, THAT WOULD KINDA BE THE SAME THING. HEY! I SAID STOP THAT!
On the Third Day, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient was starting to look like a prune, but he had just come across a loofah, and was having too much fun, so he stayed in.
On the Fourth Day, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient picked up his chainsaw nanhaku (a gnomish ninja invention, popularly ascribed to Dr. McNinja) to go get some wood, as his hot water heater was no longer heating. Also, he preferred to let the winds dry him instead of using a towel.
IV: A new hope
THOU SHALL NOT TELL ME TO WEAR CLOTHES, EVEN IF THE NEIGHBORS ARE STARING. IF IT IS REALLY SUCH A PROBLEM, I.E. A CREEPY GUY MOVES IN NEXT DOOR, BUILD A FRIGGIN' FENCE, BUT DO NOT WHINE AT ME.
On the Fifth Day, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient explained why men have nipples. He even elaborated further and explained why some have three nipples.
On the Sixth Day, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient saw an Arnold Schwarzenegger film of the same name. He may also have had too much to drink. In any case, he passed his fifth holy Commandment:
V
NO ONE MAY EVER HOLD A POLITICAL OFFICE WHO PRONOUNCES THEIR "S"s LIKE "Z"s.
and the logical follow-up:
VI
CONAN O'BRIEN IS AWESOME! SERIOUSLY MAN, CONAN, I LOVE YOU! NO, NO NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND. I LOOOOVE YOU. COME HERE. I. LOVE. YOU. NO, NO, NO, I HAVEN'T HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK! IT'S JUST, I LIKE, FEEL THIS CONNECTION WITH YOU, MAN. COME ON CONAN, I LOVE YOU, I LOO...ZZZZZZZ.
On the Seventh Day, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient was hung over.
On the Eighth Day, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient decided now was as good a day as ever to decide on what domains he would be worshiped for...
Bubble-bathes
Measurements
Bikini-waxes
Croutons
Chainsaws
Knowledge
Doctorin'
On the Ninth Day, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient watched some Arrested Development and did some reading. At the end of the day, he read his prophet's notes, and noticed that his prophet had disobeyed his Sixth holy Commandment. Also, he was embarrassed by his drunk Revelationing
On the Tenth Day, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient finally found his prophet, whom he had been searching for since yesterday, passed out under a burning Rose bush by the side of a high-way with the sign "Will prophet for food" against his torso.
IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient kicked him in the head to wake him up, for he is a most merciful GOD. He than passed his seventh holy Commandment:
VII
WHEN IN DOUBT, THOU SHALT DANCE. YES, I THINK THIS IS MY BEST ONE YET...
Angered by his prophet's continued insubordination, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient raised his hand and smote his erstwhile prophet. And found it was good. So, for the rest of the day he smote, and he smited, and he smoted.
On the Next Day, IGNATIUS the Myopically Pseudo-Omniscient took a bath, and so on.
A proposition to the Pantheon:
Days of the week shall be named as follows:
1st day=bathday
2nd day=
3rd day=loofahday
4th day=
5th day=
6th day=
7th day=quietday
8th day=
9th day=
10th day=smitingday
Tang listens to the train wreck describe the train wreck, and suggests to the newbie Ignatious...
(What?? Oh, you want? Capitals?...Fine whatever, I added Devil's Spring to my artifical wonderness, so , Fine, whatever you want)
Ahem...IGNATIOUS that he also take as an attribute the sound of metal on metal...
death metal?
Train wreck! On Loofahday?
Loofahday is better than Sunday or Monday. Who cares about the sun or the moon? I'll take a loofa over them anyday
Loofahday is better than Sunday or Monday. Who cares about the sun or the moon? I'll take a loofa over them any day.
Quote from: WensleydaleThe wizard shrieks, realising he must do the least silly thing possible. He shoots a deadly, vicious, and powerful bolt of lightning at the god!
Gaaah! Monty winces in pain.
[ic=Monty]I see. Well I suppose I shall have to fight fire with fire, or in this case lightning with lightning--I choose you Pikachu!
[ic=Pikachu]Pika! Pikachu!
*bzzzzzappp*[/ic] [/ic]
Hmm. Tang ses some wisdom in the weekday thang...
He scriblles some notes and adds dermatologists and exfoliation to his pantheonic portfolio.
Space travel and collateral damage are both rough on the skin...
i send elementals to kill the elves because they annoy me.