kinda like Crush my wishes (N.B., Checking your pockets while ducking always precedes any other actions)
Example:
Kender says, "Ooh! Sparkly!"
You instinctively: Turn off the microwave. (If that were plural, screw the microwave; run for the fuse box. . .)
Kender says, "Hey, the flashlight's dead!"
You instinctively:
Hide the car battery.
Kender says, "Oh look, odd twigs with red and white tips."
You instinctively:
Go online and cancel the high fashion magazine subscriptions which have suddenly appeared on your credit card statement.
Kender says, "Hey, it really does taste just like chicken!"
Instinctively you:
Hide the bleach.
Kender says, "What does this button do?"
Instinctively you:
Run for the bomb shelter.
Kender says, "I wonder what would happen if I mixed these liquids."
Instinctively you:
don a hazmat suit and grab a martini glass
Kender says, "Hmmm, Dry clean only. . ."
Instinctively you:
[note]I figured since we're talking dragonlance...[/note]
unplug the drier.
Kender says, "of course I can drive..."
instinctively you:
flush your keys and hope the kender can't fit down the whole.
Kender says, "Hmm, there's a Porcine shop in town..."
instinctively you:
Hide the explosives and hope he doesn't like bacon.
Kender says, "Wow so it can cut straight through solid bone?!"
instinctively you:
Convince him that you indeed have bones made from iron.
Kender says nothing.
instinctively you:
check to make sure he isn't dead
Kender says "I hear you can launch children with a good trebuchet"
instinctively you...
ask the Kender to try the trebuchet out, offering him all the shiny things in my pocket as payment.
Kender says "Hey, those kids are playing Dungeon & Dragons..."
instinctively you...
Hand him a copy of "The World of Synnibar" and tell him to go show them what "real gaming" is all about. (Hey, this thread turned evil a couple of posts back, just goin' with it. . .)
Kender says, "Say 'Hello,' to my little friend." Instinctively you:
Duck, and yell, "Look out!"
Kender says, "Have you ever thought about TNT?"
grab the nearest sap and b***h slap the Kender, "bad kender, don't use bluff on me!"
Kender says "is that a NEW 72' Plasma High Definition TV with accompanying X-Box 360 & speaker system?"
instinctively you...
Yell, "Back the **** away!!!" And grab a chainsaw and sheild, and guard the setup with my life.
Kender says "Weeee!"
Tackle him from behind and pry the chainsaw out of his hands.
Kender says "Guess what I learned today," while holding a chemistry book.
Instinctively you...
Wipe the place down w/bleach to remove all your fingerprints and DNA, get a new identity and flee the country before the Feds arrive. (If you live with a kender then you've surely got all of this in place already. Now's the time to make use of it. . .)
Kender says, "What does teabagging mean?"
Instinctively you: (Special challenge for members of the Ancient and Honorable Order of Turtles.)
Reply: "It's when a Greek philosopher gives up alcohol and migrates to The Orient."
Kender says, "In the grim darkness of the future..."
Instinctively you:
Shoot myself, beacause when a kender thinks it will be bad, it must really, really, really bad.
Kender says, " You know, dogs sometimes eat their poo..."
instinctively you...
Re-re-re-re....-re-rehoustrain the kender.
Kender says, "Your finances just went public!"
Instinctively you...
Cancel all my credit cards.
Kinder says, "did you know that cars make funny sounds when you run them into walls?"
Instinctively you...
get the kender to steal the keys of my ex-girlfriend's Geo and say "Have At!".
Kinder says, "Oooooo! Is that a new Warhammer army?"
Instinctively you...
tell him "no. No it,s not."
Kender says "3...2...1!!!
instincrively you...
Activate my force field.
Kender says: "It's morphin' time!"
Instinctively you...
say, "Shape of... a +5 Kenderbane dancing backbiter spear!
Kender says: "My time machine is complete!!!!"
instinctively you...
Run in fear.
Kender says: "You should take all the shiney stuff you see, right?"
Instinctively you...
... nod, smile, and send out apologies to all your neighbors.
Kender says: "I'm bored."
Instinctively you...
Lock him in a room with a Rubixs cube.
Kender says: my nose itches.
instinctively you...
Reach for the iodine.
Kender says: "What the heck is going on over here?"
Instinctively you:
Tell him that there's shiney stuff in the refrigerator, which is secretly a kender-trap thought of in advance when the aforementioned kender took up residence in household.
Kender says: How much TNT does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop?
Instinctively you...
give him a tootsie pop and say, you probably don't have enough.
Kender says: i want to fill up my rocket, wanna go to the gas station with me...
Instinctively you...
say "no."
Kender says: "Can I keep it?" (with big begging eyes)
instinctively you...
Say, "No. Now take it back to the zoo."
A Kender says, "Are you gonna eat that?"
Instinctively you
Tell him that bullets aren't food.
Kender says, "You look sad, here let me cheer you up!"
Instinctively you...