The Campaign Builder's Guild

The Archives => The Crossroads (Archived) => Topic started by: Cheomesh on January 04, 2009, 04:04:05 PM

Title: The Thane
Post by: Cheomesh on January 04, 2009, 04:04:05 PM
A PDF containing a story set in my new setting.  It's supposed to be the "backstory" of a particular character, but I felt it would be nice to introduce part of my setting this way.

I'm not the happiest with the way it turned out.  I decided to keep it short (8 pages), but include some important concepts, if in brief.  I don't think it presents any "culture" issues well enough, but maybe the story isn't right for that anyways.

Anyways, if you get a chance, please read and give me some feedback.  I'd like to because a decent writer someday.

http://files.filefront.com/The+Thanepdf/;12870855;/fileinfo.html

M.
Title: The Thane
Post by: snakefing on January 05, 2009, 10:33:25 AM
Promising. It needs a bit of polish, but otherwise interesting.

One thing, though: "recant" is not used properly. I believe you mean "recount".
Title: The Thane
Post by: Cheomesh on January 06, 2009, 09:33:46 AM
I'll give it a look.  I think some of my sentences are a bit awkward, which I will also need to fix.

M.
Title: The Thane
Post by: Cheomesh on January 14, 2009, 12:37:23 AM
Fifty seven views and only one response?

:/

M.