Creation Myth

[Herodotus]

Please read and critique my Creation Myth for my mythology game:

In the dawn of time, there was nothing but darkness. The light of Antelus was ignited, a star was born. Antelus, the King of Reality, called upon his siblings to forge a new world, a glorious endeavor, a shining kingdom forged in the light of a new sun for them to rule. Hectaria shaped the world, as clay in her hands. She gave the world fertile soil, mountains, and canyons. Her husband Octalvian lit the fire that burns in the center of the world, which bubbles to the surface in a fiery explosion when they fight. Mentaria filled the empty vessel with deep oceans, coursing rivers, and countless lakes. She filled those seas with countless creatures of all types. Her husband Yldraset used his breath to fill the world with clean air, and wind to churn the waves. His storms brew and unleash their hate upon the world when they fight.

   Etah, Zilldraxos, and Mortacion stepped forth from the darkness of the void, to each claim their place in the new world. Etah and her children claimed the dark wild places of the world. Zilldraxos found the deepest chasm in the deepest ocean to build himself a kingdom. Mortacion chose the underworld as his domain.

   Antelus gazed upon his wondrous creation, named the world Alacaron, and wiped the sweat from his lofty brow. The droplets fell to Alacaron, and from them sprang mankind, a young and weak creature, that hid from the wild dangers of this newly forged world. They built kingdoms in the still warm glow of a world fresh from the forge.

   The gods, sure in their rule and surrounded by young mankind, began to build families. Thus the new gods were born, the greatest among them was Kreon. Kreon was a peerless warrior, a wise chieftain, and brilliant tactician. He was blessed with many gifts and stood by the side of Antelus as the highest vizier to the King of Reality.

   One day, Antelus received a vision, for he could see things in the past as well as the future. He saw his siblings locked in chains, sealed within prisons of their own making, with Kreon and the humans standing above them, ruling over Alacaron in their stead. Fear, for the first time in his eternal life, clutched the heart of Antelus. He shared his vision with his siblings, who decided they must avoid this fate at all costs. The Primordials gods turned against mankind, shattering their kingdoms with storms, earthquakes, meteor showers, and floods. An army of Etah's foul children marched out of the wild and pillaged the countryside. The battalions of Mortracion's army of the dead swelled as more lost souls joined their ranks.
   Kreon saw the madness of Alacaron in ruin, he rallied his siblings, the Princes of the Universe, and they marched in defense of humanity. Actia rallied all that remained of humanity into a shining golden army to stand fast against the monsters of Etah. They beat the beasts into the mountains and deep into the forests, where Etah was slain. The blood of the mother of monsters would forever stain the land.

   Otalia taught mankind the art of magic, gifting them with the fire of the gods. With it, the first order of mages created arcane prisons that locked the old gods away, sealing them within torments that feed from their own power and misery. As Antelus watched the last nails seal his coffin shut, he saw Kreon gleefully wielding the hammer. His vision had come true, and there was nothing he could have done to stop it.

   With the old gods removed from the world of Alacaron, Kreon took his place in the now vacant throne. He and his siblings each laid claim upon their new world and forged it in their own image.

[LoA]

Hi and welcome to the CBG! Turtles be praised!

There's nothing wrong with your myth, but I don't have any idea about your world. So it's named Alacaron, and it has humans on it, but I don't know anything about the world. I can sort of sense a "Savage World" type feel with old brutal gods at war with new gods, but I can't gather much else.

Etah, Zilldraxos, and Mortacion stepped forth from the darkness of the void, to each claim their place in the new world. Etah and her children claimed the dark wild places of the world. Zilldraxos found the deepest chasm in the deepest ocean to build himself a kingdom. Mortacion chose the underworld as his domain.

So what are the dark wild places like? Are they wastelands full of monsters? I get the "foul children" part, but who are they? Orc like monsters, dragons, chimeras, insect monsters? I could make anything out of "foul children".

I'm saying this out of genuine interest though. This does sound interesting. Greek mythology was an old interest of mine, and this definitely has that vibe.

[Rose-of-Vellum]

To springboard off of LoA's remarks, I think the creation myth is tightly written and reminiscent of many accessible mythologies (like the Greeks and their modern fantasy derivatives). The myth; in its tone, components, and plot; sets up a vanilla setting/mythology. Depending on your taste and/or intent, this could be a negative or a positive. Either way, I look forward to reading more -and welcome to CBG!

[Herodotus]

Thanks for your input. Tightly written makes me feel good. I was thinking lately about the MOBA Smite, and how much I enjoy mythology. It got me to think how can you get players to care about your pantheon of gods? Only the priest is really going to care and they will only really care about their god. You could have an antagonist god as a villain or what have you, but I wanted the mythology to matter. To make it matter to the players. So my game has a few design principles:

A.) The Heroes are Demigods. Their parentage is effectively their class. If you're the "son of Zeus" then that's your class you get lightning and whatnot, if you're a "daughter of Artemis" then that's your class and you're a great hunter. No fighter, warrior, mage, etc. Just Demigods. The gods however would be unique to the setting.

B.) No "evil" gods, there are gods who make monsters but that is their nature. They do not see themselves as evil. The god of death sees himself as performing a necessary duty. Imagine a world where Hitler never died. The god of death is bound to fate, just like all things.

C.) Magic is rare, unique, and interesting. Every magic item is named. There are no +1 swords, just Anderos, the Star Cleaver. There is no Magic Missile, rather it is a manifestation of your divine gift.

D.) Gods are not omnipotent. They are more on par with Captain Marvel (SHAZAM!) in power. They are strong, fast, durable, etc. but they can't know everything and they are flawed individuals.

I want adventures to have a mythical quality to them. One adventure is literally wandering into the land of the dead to bring back the soul of a fallen comrade. You have to barter with the lord of the underworld himself. Or a war breaks out and each of the gods choose sides. Things like that.

[Rose-of-Vellum]

The first component definitely puts the mythology and gods front and center in your setting. I'd imagine it makes the Gods some of the most proximal, salient, and intimate NPCs.