My first stab at writing a Creation Myth

[Tillumni Sephirotica]

on the list of strange things that suddenly hits from no where is this.....creation myth have allways seemed to be one of the hardest things for me to do, so not quiet sure how this one popped up....but here it is and was just wondering what the people in here though on it is.  written in the form as if it was an actual text...the shortned version that is though.

In the beginning (cause it have to start like this) there was nothing, and there was the 9, divided in 3 and betweem them, they were everything.
They were The 1, Bahamut, The 2, Uld and Ain who together would be The Third calling themself Bereliunan, and The 5 as 1. Douran, Brailam, Raicel, Tiamat and Lourin.
And from thier common dreams the void was filled, ideas and concept giving form, and the forms marvelled them.
Then The 9 spoke as one and proposed that they should make a tenth, who would be all that they are, yet nothing like them.
The 5 As 1 breathed and where hers breaths met, the void was filled with the Tenth and from the Tenth, The 5 As 1 plucked marvelious clothing for The 1 and The 2 Who Are 3. For The 1, a coating from the purest platinium, for The 2 Who Are 3, the clearest crystal and for herselfs the primal colours of The Tenth.
Then The 2 Who Are 3 breathed on the Tenth, and gave the Tenths' body shape and purpose and The 2 Who Are 3 plucked from the essence of the shape and purpose and merged it with the ideas and concepts giving forms, creating housing for the 9.
Then The 1 breathed on the Tenth, and energy, magic and life was enfused in it, and The 1 plucked out essense of energy, magic and life, and merged it with the ideas and concept giving forms and created companions for the 9.
"The Tenth is stil not as The 9" they spoke as one, and as one they breathed on the Tenth, and from the body of the Tenth, beings with reasons sprung forth in the image of The 9 and from the life without reasons, came being with reasons, and all the beings together was all that they were and they marvelled at thier creation.
But the marvel was thier doom. The 5 as 1 was torn, wanting butt unable to favorise any of thier creation and madness started to descend on The 5 as 1, Turning hers at time into The 5 in 1 and in hers madness, foul being was created from her nightmare and The 5 in 1 fought her self, and The 2 Who Are 3 and The 1 fougth to keep hers safe and from thier struggle the constellations was born.
From a brigth scale torn of The 5 in 1, the sun came into being, from a shining sale torn from The 1, the moon came into being, and from the shimmering scale of The 2 Who Are 3 which shattered into a thousand crystals, the stars came into being and for a time, The 9 marvelled at thier creations.
Finally The 5 as 1 wanting no longer to be The 5 in 1 and wanted to be 1 as The 1 and asked The 1 to hold hers before shes disappeared and The 1 held her, and rested with her inside the Tenth and The 2 Who Are 3 rested with them, not wishing to be alone and from thier rest the Tenth gained it's final gift to be as the 9. the ability and freedom to become, to create and to decide.


Some background explinations. for those wondering, then "the ideas and concept giving forms" is the various planes, the Tenth is the campaign world planet, and The 2 Who Are 3 is in the form of a 2 headed crystal dragon.   hopefully the above text isn't too convuluted and confusing.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Hi Tillumni, welcome to the CBG!

Your creation myth is interesting, but it was actually a little confusing. I think of a few things you can do to help correct that.

First, the CBG supports some very cool tags, such IC (in-character) tags for something like this when a character in the setting (or a book) is talking.

Also, spaces between paragraphs and writing out numbers can make for much better clarity. You can use a note at the bottom to explain where the story comes from, so that you don't have to otherwise clarify the text.

I'll give you an example below using your text. If you need to see how something works, quote this post and you can see the tags.

[ic]In the beginning there was nothing, and there were the Nine, Three of Three, that were everything.

They were The One, Bahamut, the Two, Uld and Ain who together would be The Third calling themselves Bereliunan, and the Five-as-One. Douran, Brailam, Raicel, Tiamat and Lourin.

And from their common dreams the void was filled, ideas and concept giving form, and the forms marveled them.

Then the Nine spoke as one and proposed that they should make a tenth, who would be all that they are, yet nothing like them.

The Five-as-One breathed and where their breaths met, the void was filled with the Tenth and from the Tenth, the Five-as-One plucked marvelous clothing for the One and the Two-Who-Are-Three. For the One, a coating from the purest platinum, for the Two-Who-Are-Three, the clearest crystal and for themselves the primal colors of The Tenth.

Then the Two-Who-Are-Three breathed on the Tenth, and gave the Tenths' body shape and purpose and plucked from the essence of the shape and purpose and merged it with the ideas and concepts giving forms, creating housing for the Nine.

Then the One breathed on the Tenth, and energy, magic and life was infused in it, and the One plucked out essence of energy, magic and life, and merged it with the ideas and concept giving forms and created companions for the Nine.

"The Tenth is still not as the Nine" they said as one, and as one they breathed on the Tenth, and from the body of the Tenth, beings with reason sprung forth in the image of the Nine and from the life without reasons, came beings with reason, and all the beings together was all that they were and they marveled at their creation.

But the marvel was their doom. The Five-as-One was torn, wanting but unable to favor any of their creation, and madness started to descend on the Five-as-One, turning hers at time into the Five-in-One and in hers madness, foul being was created from her nightmare and the Five-in-One fought herself, and the Two-Who-Are-Three and the One fought to keep hers safe and from their struggle the constellations was born.

From a bright scale torn of the Five-in-One, the sun came into being, from a shining sale torn from the One, the moon came into being, and from the shimmering scale of the Two-Who-Are-Three which shattered into a thousand crystals, the stars came into being and for a time, the Nine marveled at their creations.

Finally the Five-as-One wanting no longer to be the Five-in-One and wanted to be One as the One and asked the One to hold hers before shes disappeared and the One held her, and rested with her inside the Tenth and the Two-Who-Are-Three rested with them, not wishing to be alone and from their rest the Tenth gained it's final gift to be as the Nine: the ability and freedom to become, to create and to decide.

-Excerpt from the Book of Creation

[/ic]

I think your creation of sun and stars is very cool. Even after clarifying the text, however, I'm uncertain what's going on with the Five-as/in-One, especially in the paragraph "But the marvel was their doom..."

In part, I think my confusion may drive from the use of the pronoun "her" in a seemingly plural entity.

[Tillumni Sephirotica]

*smiles* thanks for the welcomming and for the advices...gotta admit, it's abit new to have all these options in a forum, so thanks for showing the ropes.

about Five-As/In-One, then this reflects how the 5 heads no longer act in harmoney, but instead act as 5 different beings inside the same body, due to no longer being able to agree, essentially causing her to occasionally lapse into madness (which by the way is where the aberration comes from), and when Five-As-One becomes One, then that's when the Tiamat personality dominates the body.

I'll admit the plural "hers" is confusing, but I couldn't really think of another way to refer to a multipersonality being who acted as one. *scratches the back of his head*
as for why Two-Who-Are-As-Three didn't go insane, then that's due to aligment. Bahamut is LG, but the two head of the crystal dragon are LN and CN, and together when acting as the third they become neutral. essentially capeble of caring equally to thier creation, while Five-As-One heads represents the last 5 aligment.

anyway, thanks for your review and and tips.

[Wensleydale]

I've read this through twice now, and, not to be offensive, but is english not your first language? Or did you just deliberately make it really confusing? Because, uhm, I don't understand much past the first paragraph.

[Xeviat]

I too am having a hard time understanding it. I'm to understand that there are nine beings, with the 3rd being a mixture of the two beings that encompass the 2nd, and 5 beings who are separate but united as one.

Then they made a 10th entity together, which spawned all life and creation?

[Ishmayl-Retired]

I've read this through twice now, and, not to be offensive, but is english not your first language? Or did you just deliberately make it really confusing? Because, uhm, I don't understand much past the first paragraph.

I would say - and it's just a hunch (a hunch gathered from reading his Rogues' Gallery post) - that English is not Tillumni's first language. :)

Tillumni, what (if anything) are your inspirations for this myth?

[Tillumni Sephirotica]

eheh..nope, english isn't the first language, but dn't worry, no offense taken.

I guess it would help to explain who the beings are first, since I think the main cause of confusion is the way the crators have been named..

The beings are 3 dragons, one with a single head. the 2.nd one have 2 head, and the last one have 5 head.

the one-headed one and the 5-headed one are based on bahamut and tiamat and the two headed one being my own creation.
each head is it's own personality though, except in the case of the 2-heades one who act as a third personality too.

The tenth that they spawned is the campaign world it self.

so basicly, the 3 dragons formed the planes first from thier dreams, then the world afterward together, with the 5-headed one forming all the physical mass of the world, the 2 headed one organised it, and the 1 headed one gave it life and energy.
then after that, they created intellligent life, but the 5 headed dragon then got torn between the dilemma of wanting to like one the must and wanting to like all and ended up turning insane at times, due to the personalities which now ended up conflicting. the 5 headed one then ended up only having one personality left and became Tiamat

hopefully it's more clear now *scratches the back of his head*


[blockquote=Ishmayl]Tillumni, what are your inspirations for this myth?[/blockquote]
in no particulare order, then the inspirations are Eberrons idea of dragons being the beings that created everything, the bible mentioning of how God is everything and the whole breath of life thing, the norse concept of the world being created from the body parts of a great giant, the D&D aligment system, Tiamat and Bahamut and from the campaign world it self to explain some of the parts of why it is the way it is. (such as why the hack is there such large diversity in life form?)

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Well, hearing they're all dragons makes it much clearer.

I might start your first sentence instead with:
"In the beginning there was nothing, and there were the Nine, three dragons from whom arose all creation."

Though I'd still clarify how you get Nine. You've got eight heads between the dragons. I assume the Two-Who-Are-Three is where the 9th comes from, but it still might need some clarification.

[SDragon]

I like it. Out of curiosity, do you know anything about western mysticism?

[Tillumni Sephirotica]

I might start your first sentence instead with:
"In the beginning there was nothing, and there were the Nine, three dragons from whom arose all creation."

Though I'd still clarify how you get Nine. You've got eight heads between the dragons. I assume the Two-Who-Are-Three is where the 9th comes from, but it still might need some clarification.

hmm....perhaps change the sentence that introduces them into
"They were The One Headed, Bahamut. The Two Headed, Uld and Ain who together would be a Third calling themselves Bereliunan...."  ?

[blockquote=Sdragon1984]I like it. Out of curiosity, do you know anything about western mysticism? [/blockquote]

not really..though now that you mention it, then I forgot to mention that I was also inspired by a web comics mentioning and description of numerology in that comics world. that's my only source of numerology though.