/B/aleete this thread please

[Elemental_Elf]

Bacon Cheese Turtle Burger :(

[Ninja D!]

That's an amazing and depressing burger.
 
The 3.5 v 4 panel was not what I had hoped. People were civil.

Can anyone tell me if there were any particularly good 4th edition books? I mean ones that stand out in quality or usefulness in a game. I'm going to be getting back into it teaching my GF and I can get 4e books from a decent selection for $10 off today or tomorrow.

[Elemental_Elf]

I really like Open Grave, lots of cool undead monsters and some ideas for integrating undead into a campaign.

[Nomadic]

[Ninja D!]

I asked the panelist that was really enthusiatic about 4e the same question and got the same answer. That one could also be mildly useful for Natu and my GF likes zombie video games...so I think we have a winner.

[Nomadic]

Bacon Cheese Turtle Burger :(

Do not feel pity for the turtle burger for it is heresy against the great overlord.

[Elemental_Elf]

[Ninja D!]

That's the life of a geek.

[Nomadic]

[SDragon]

A NEW CONTENDER

[Nomadic]

[Ninja D!]

I'd hire Alvin.

[limetom]

The Dear Leader says it, thus it is so:

[Elemental_Elf]

[Nomadic]

-Total Party Kill Man is not an appropriate superhero name.
-It is also a bad superhero concept.
-Just because you CAN set it on fire, does not mean you SHOULD.
-If the words "time-traveling Viking," "Voodoo priest," "Disco Freak," and "multiple rapist" appear in my background story, they had better not be descriptive of my character.
-Pelor does not appreciate me building an altar of skulls for him, nor a river of blood.
-My Paladin can never hire prostitutes, even if he falls and becomes a Blackguard.
-Make that ESPECIALLY if he falls and becomes a Blackguard.
-Yes, my Alchemist transmutes one substance into another. Yes, he can invent new compounds. NO, he cannot make C4.
-I am not allowed to make an elf who thinks he is a male, dwarf warrior.
-I am not allowed to make an elf who thinks SHE is a male, dwarf warrior.
-Infiltrating a city, assassinating important officials, bombing the City Hall, poisoning the city water supply, murdering any and all trade caravans approaching the city, destroying any refugees leaving the city, and kidnaping and brutally murdering the local Lord and his family is NOT an appropriate April Fools prank.
-At no point will there be a Drow rendition of West Side Story.
-Suggesting we kill and eat the NPC is a joke. Actually killing and eating her is a horrific crime.
-If the DM can't spell it, I can't make a curse that causes it.
-My barbarian had better not berserk while braiding the sorceress' hair.
-On second thought, my barbarian shouldn't be braiding her hair, anyway.
-The next time we time travel, I will not seduce, marry, and then abandon a young Queen Victoria.
-No using time travel to abduct a young, innocent Adolf Hitler, and then convincing him through high-tech and undeniable evidence that the Jews, Poles, and Russians are evil aliens.
-Also no traveling through time, saving Hitler's life moments before he kills himself, and then taking him to 2012, just to scare the crap out of people.
-Christopher Walken is not all-seeing, all-powerful, and did not create the Universe, so I can't get spells from worshiping him.
-The next pun my cleric makes results in losing his powers.
-My troll will not eat copious amounts of bean burritos a few hours before we load into the tiny car to go on a mission.
-When we save the princess, I cannot cop a feel.
-Same goes for when we rescue the prince.
-'CHEESE WHEEL' is neither a battle cry, nor a religion.
-Summoned creatures are good for combat, not for all-you-can-eat buffets.
-If it talks, writes, or displays any sign of higher intelligence, it is no longer on the menu.
-My Dwarf can not use his beard as a melee weapon.
-The length and thickness of my Dwarf's beard does not add to my intimidate score.
-I am not allowed to make a Dwarf who thinks he is a female, elven sorceress.
-My grand, master plan had better not be an excuse to re-enact any Monty Python skit.
-No part of any plan will involve a song-and-dance routine, for any reason.
-I will never say the line, 'Is that a +1 short sword in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'
-I do not supply sound effects out of game. My character does not supply sound effects in game.
-I do not get the Rod of Wonder, for any reason.
-It's only funny to wake up with one dead Bugbear in your bed, once. Waking up to ten dead Bugbears, seven nights in a row, is sexual harassment.
-High explosives should not be my investigator's first response to anything strange.
-I can not use the Fireball spell outside of combat.
-I do not get to milk any creature, for any reason. Especially elves.
-I do not get to quote Dirty Harry.
-Any plan I suggest that starts with, 'Okay, I saw this on TV once...' is a bad idea.
-My investigator cannot be a suicide bomber, who just shouts 'ALLAH AKBAR!' and blows up.
-If my home-made hat induces a SAN check, it is not 'kewl.'
-When soldiers are put under my command, I will not just use them for components for a flesh golem.
-If it weighs twenty tons, flies, and can shoot lightening: it is not a hamster, regardless of how it started.
-Making up euphemisms for genocide is not a 'wholesome hobby.'
-Ending my back story with 'Bel-Air' is punishable by instant character death.
-I had better stop making up medical disorders.
-I may NOT experiment with polymorphing into aquatic creatures druing an encounter. Especially in a burning building.
-Dual wielding swords as a ranger is acceptable, dual wielding bows is impossible.
-Testing out our new magic arrows on the rogue is not acceptable. Even if they MIGHT be healing arrows.
-Stop attacking that door with a rapier, you just look silly.
-Endvar's menacing tentacles may not be cast during the BBEG's monologue.
-Random characteristics tables are all fine and good, but must be used with discretion. A high priestess of Pelor may not have a full-body tattoo and facial piercings.
-Sneak attacking villains is a reasonable, if under-handed, tactic. Sneak attacking fishermen is not.
-The captain may be a thin charicature of Ahab, but we may not spend the rest of the session screaming Mastodon lyrics.
-No matter how many crits you roll, you cannot seduce the prince. Especially not as a male half-orc.
-DM's discretion is final. A game of pool is not a suitable way to determine the veracity of a decision.
-Using taxidermy to collect the bodyparts of rare, exotic animals is acceptable. Using it to skin the BBEG and wear his flesh like a bodysuit is not.
-Summoning a bison to help us in combat is an excellent plan. Summoning a celestial orca is stupid and unnecessary.
-I may not make any part of any enemy into codpiece and the wear it.
-Familiars are useful for more than just throwing in the enemy's face as a distraction.
-Next Pokemon reference I make when I summon something will earn me a punch to the face.
-The 'Thriller' dance is not what zombie minions are for.
-I cannot use pick-up lines on the evil Dragon-Queen.
-A seduction score is not a substitute for an INT score.
-I can not have a unreasoning fear of halflings, especially if I am one.
-'But I'm a barbarian!' is never an acceptable excuse.
-My bard does not rock out.
-Nor does he get his freak on.
-Any character that is a living violation of the Geneva conventions is not allowed.
-No, I can't use the orphans for target practice.
-No, I can't use the orphans for spell components.
-No, I can't use the orphans to make tons of small zombies.
-Drow are not good eatin'.
-The same goes for Driders.
-My plan should not involve the words, 'chickens,' 'trained midgets,' 'Sir Isaac Newton,' and 'Thermite.'
-My paladin should not be based on John Cleese.
-My bard should not be based on Eric Idle.
-Charging into battle screaming in blood thirst, chopping the enemy in half, throwing one half at the nearest foe, etc. is viable and in-character for a half-orc, berserking barbarian. Not so much for my half-elf, cowardly sorcerer, regardless of how well I roll.
-Our back-up plan should be more than for me to cast fireball, and run away.
-Animal taming-type skills do not apply to sentient creatures. Especially elves.
-'I Berserk' should not be my first response to any complicated situation. Like a political forum.
-Convincing the bard to attempt to seduce the Lich is forbidden.
-The Gregorian chant version of Queen's 'We Will Rock You' was a one time thing, and is not to be mentioned again.
-There is no prestige class: 'Pimp'
-My monk's kung-fu is not stronger than yours.
-By the Power of Greyskull, I do not have the power.
-My roleplaying of romance cannot just be the lyrics of Erasure's 'Always.'
-I cannot surf the Elf.
-I cannot surf the Dwarf, either.
-Or the Human, or the Half-Orc...
-my wizard can never summon horses in midair as a weapon to drop on my foes. nor do horses make decent flotation devices for your drowning companions.
-as comical as it may be to make my wizards dump stat WIS instead of CHR, getting lost in your own library is never fun nor does it impress the ladies.
-when succeeding an ancient red dragons intimidate check with a natural 20, my first response shouldn't be throwing loose change in his face then scornfully asking him if he is going to pick it up.
-using your dead players skin and bones to make a canoe, although ingenuous, is generally considered bad form
-I cannot play a cleric with Alzheimer's
-Nor can I play an autistic wizard
-My paladin cannot 'smite evil' with his genitalia
-My dwarf having the word 'beard' as one part of his name is acceptable.
-My dwarf having the word 'beard' as every other syllable in it's name is not acceptable.
-My dwarf having the word 'beard' as every word in it's name, save solitary uses of 'Of' 'The' and 'Mc' is not acceptable.
-My dwarf's thought patterns does not consist entirely of 'beard' 'kill' and 'ale.'
-The dwarvern language does not consist entirely of 'beard' 'kill' and 'ale.'
-Dwarves do not reproduce by laying kegs.
-I will not use my Ghost Hand to perform a "Stranger."
-I will stop insisting that casting Magic Missile requires paired keys that must be turned simultaneously and Presidential approval.
-If I cast Planar Ally to summon a succubus, I am not allowed to order her to make me sandwiches or give me back rubs and then dismiss her as soon as it's done.
-No, my Sounding Stone does not have custom ringtones.
-There is no red lantern district in any settlement where I can see an "umber hulk show," so I should stop asking.
-I will not sell the brains of various monsters by the pound just so I can set up a joke.
-If I continue to use polymorph scrolls to turn into a female lizardfolk and take naked pictures of myself to sell in the swamps, my access to said scrolls will be revoked.
-My dwarf is not proficient in Exotic Weapon: Door
-My dwarf is not proficient in Exotic Weapon: Floodgate
-My dwarf is not proficient in Exotic Weapon: Elf
-Vomit is not an acceptable throwing weapon
-My enemy's socks are not the highest priority on the loot table.
-Especially if they're on fire.
-My dwarf should not stop whatever he is doing to hunt rats for food.
-Especially if he is currently fighting something
-Especially if he is trying to save his party members from falling/collapsing ceiling/poison gas.
-Especially if he is fleeing from dragon/lava/rockslide/angry wife.
-My dwarf may not claim carp as his preferred enemy.
-My dwarf may not claim elephants as his preferred enemy.
-My dwarf may not claim cats as his preferred enemy.
-My dwarf may claim elves as his preferred enemy.
-Even if I'm strong enough to lift one up, I'm not allowed to specialize in guard towers as melee weapons.
-The same goes for Ogres.
-And fellow player characters, even if they agree to it.
-We are not allowed to teleport by singing Kumbaya my Lord and holding hands.
-My Portable Hole can not be placed on a shield to absorb missile attacks.
-It's not appropriate to train my warhorse to dance on command.
-The same goes for my drake mount.
-And my Gnome servants.
-Hiring Demonic laborers to build a church is a stupid idea.
-I'm not allowed to keep a pet troll in the back yard to farm exp.
-Burying the party's rogue alive is not a good prank.
-Opening your own tavern just so you can brawl there every day is really bad for business.
-I am no longer allowed to constantly do search checks for pies when out in the woods.
-Just because you read somewhere that doors can actually deal damage does not mean you can use one to backstab someone with.
-I can not have the corpses of fallen PCs.
-I am to stop implying that the King is gay, as he has not fathered any heirs.
-I can not cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter on myself.
-I can not cast Tasha's Hideous Laughter on the party leader during important meetings.
-I cannot have a bunch of low-level bards as followers, and start a traveling orchestra.
-If I roleplay out my bard's song, it had better not be made out of double-entendres.
-I am not to leave the BBEG alive, bring her along with us, and force her to be my personal dancing girl.
-Making a move on the Queen is not cool, especially when in court. While the King is sitting next to her.
-I cannot have smoke bombs.
-Casting Flame Walk and then jumping on top of a Flaming Sphere while humming that circus theme is great for entertainment, but bad for fighting Orcs.
-It's inappropriate to cast random walls of force inside other people's houses.
-It's especially inappropriate to cast it in front of the king in his own court room without him realizing it.
-It's not appropriate to teleport inside the King's bedroom every week just to ask him if he found any Swords Of Luck for you to borrow.
-People are NOT lining up to buy your party's action figures.
-Not even the one of the Necromancer which has 'realistic sacrificial ritual action, virgin sold separately.'
-I am not allowed to sing you the song of my people, even when I am playing a bard.
-Just because I'm a human bard, doesn't mean I have to sleep with everything
-The DM is allowed to enforce child support payments with any children I may have
-I am not allowed to marshal an army consisting of my myriad descendants.
-'NPC' is NOT a valid Racial Enemy.
-Just because I own a rifle does not mean I'm allowed to shout ' THIS IS MY BOOMSTICK!' after firing it every time I enter a quaint little village.
-It's also a bad way to become friends with the local law.
-I am not to assume a brooding countenance in a dark corner of the tavern while handing out fake quests for non-existent treasure troves to random strangers.
-Ordering 'milk, in a dirty glass' is unsanitary and also makes you look like a tool.
-Throwing boulders at your friends is only ok if they can catch them. Simply shouting "catch!" isn't helpful if he isn't strong enough to not get creamed.
-Chandeliers are not acceptable to use in a sneak attack, especially if they were attached to a ceiling moments before
-Systematically destroying a tower from the ground up does not entitle you to the experience from killing everything inside
-Ripping a dwarven thief/trapmaster in half and using his pooled blood in an area to detect the footsteps of his invisible allies is not an acceptable tactic when you have chosen not to rage
-Your wizard having the highest intelligence in existence, possessing the resources, and being named Al Gore does not entitle you to create "The Wizard-Net"
-The appropriate response to discovering Vecna's actual eye is not to dissect it and see if he can feel it
-It is not possible to beard someone to death. Whatever that means.
-Smashing the door, throwing in smoke grenades, letting loose on a three-round, full auto sweep with guns, and then sending the troll through the window is a good way to attack an enemy. Not to meet a contact.
-Making misogynist comments and 'little, wimpy girl' type statements to a Priestess of Llolth: Bad Idea.
-The alignment Chaotic Neutral is no longer available to me.
-The same goes for Lawful Neutral.-I cannot base any character off Dr. Evil.
-If I were to base any character off Dr. Evil, he would not be Lawful Good.
-I cannot fish for elves.
-When anything vomits, I cannot collect the vomit
-No attack roll is high enough to tear the fabric of reality
-My grappling hooks only work with ropes attached
-I cannot store my familiar in my pants
-None of my dwarves are Batman
-My Handle Animal checks automatically fail when used on women
-My dwarves cannot take fire elemental lovers, regardless of my Charisma check result
-No longer allowed to use a Girdle of Femininity/Masculinity as a lasso.
-No longer allowed to take kleptomania as a character flaw so that I can steal the BBEG's undergarments. Especially if I am playing a gnome.
-Must always remember that a person's preservation instinct overrides loyalty. Just because I have an army that unswervingly loyal to me does not mean I can use them as impromptu mine sweepers, or to trigger traps that I know are there and can't disarm.
-If anything ever goes to trial in a game, I am no longer allowed to be: the judge, the jury, the defence attorney, the prosecutor, my own surprise witness, drunk in court, stoned in court, in contempt of court, offside, onside, imitating any fictional lawyer ever, or carnally involved with any of the above during the trial.