[poll] Sessler vs. Webb: World War Five

[limetom]

After you escape from the chess game in your computer, you decide it's time to get some dinner, and nothing but instant noodles will do in this instance.

You walk down to your local 7-11, purchase a Cup of Noodles, and put it in the microwave.  As your waiting, you see the perfect dining impliment: the spork.  However, you have a problem: that jerk from the apartment next to yours wants one two.  You glare at each other, ready to strike.

Your opponent strikes first, flinging sporks in your direction.  You dive for the end of the candy aisle, and two people approach you offering aid.

The first is a strange blond haired man who can't seem to concentrate. "Don't worry, I've seen this before.  We can take him... we just need a bag of Doritos and some Mountain Dew."

A woman you could have sworn you saw on the magazine rack on the way in elbows him out of the way; "Sessler, your shameless product placement won't help the situation... what we need is Diet Coke and Mentos."

What do you do?