[Forum Game] Crush My Wishes

[Nomadic]

Granted, you can't do any cool things, but at least you're an ugly 13 year old boy

I wish I had a magic vending machine

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted! However, a horde of ugly 13 year old boy act as gatekeepers, preventing you from ever using your magical vending machine.

I wish I were a Silt Strider Operator!  

[Ghostman]

Granted. Your Silt Strider is lamed and can't walk ten meters without tripping and crashing.

I wish Indiana Jones was real.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted, he's classified as a criminal, captured by Interpol, prosecuted for thievery of historical artifacts and locked away in prison for the rest of his life (which in Holland means 30 years). When he's released he becomes a broken man, who devotes his remaining days to trying to find hope at the bottom of vodka bottles.

I wish Ghostman could save the Holy Grail from the Nazis!

[sparkletwist]

Granted. He could. Unfortunately, he didn't.

I wish my wishes wouldn't get ninja'd.

[LoA]

Granted, You get Pirated.

I wish i could wish a wish, full of wishfull wishfullness.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted, however only a pleasant breeze wafts your way. For you see, no wish can be filled with such wishfulness without the consent of Princess Pony.

I wish Newb MSTie, Sparkletwist, Ghostman and I were adventurers in some fairy tale world.

[Nomadic]

Granted, the world is a true fairy tale world the likes of which would make even steerpike smile with approval. You all go crazy from having to deal with all the gore and horror.

I wish nothing bad would ever happen to me

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted, wherever you go, every living thing within 1 mile of you spontaneously combusts in a violent torrent of black ichor, blood and flame. Every piece of earth you touch oozes poisonous green slime. Everything you set your eyes upon melts like wax in the sun. Your body will experience no hardship ever again - you will never die, you will never catch a cold, you will never hunger or thirst - you exist and that is enough because nothing bad will ever happen to you.

I wish for a happy ending that doesn't involve sad and/or painful endings for others.

[Nomadic]

Granted, I walk by and you burst into flame and die instantly after having had all your dreams come true.

I wish that I could beset people with bees.

[LoA]

Granted. Newest model of Insect Swarm plasmids from Fontaine Futuristics! Don't mind the rumors about the bees tending to swarm to big daddies...

I wish for pain and misery.

[SDragon]

Granted! However, faster install times come with infinitely longer load times while you play the game.

In retrospect, this is scary...

[Ghostman]

I wish for pain and misery.

Granted! You receive a misdirected delivery of 100s of Blu-ray discs containing xtreme BDSM. All the discs are scratched and unplayable.

I wish the most unlikely football team to win the 2014 World Cup!

[Nomadic]

Granted the game is won by a 7th grade girls powderpuff football team, in honor of this moment the NFL closes down and reopens as an all female under 16 football league where all players must wear tutus.

I wish I was fluent in all human languages

[sparkletwist]

Granted. You can now understand any human language. Unfortunately, they have gotten so intermingled in your mind that code-switching between any and all of them is completely natural to you, and an average sentence spoken by you contains 7 distinct languages. As such, nobody can understand a word you say.

I wish I could play my xbox 360 games with a keyboard and mouse.