Tersnia

[Drizztrocks]

TERSNIA

   Tersnia is an ancient land, dotted with ruins and lost civilizations. Most of the land is covered in jungle, and when a village or town isn't mantainted the jungle reclaims it. Here, everyday is a struggle to survive when outside of civilization, and dinosaurs and goblins prowl the jungles, making it an even harsher place to survive. Inside civilization, however, everything is much more civilized.

 Design Note:
At first I wanted a world closely resembling Medeval England, but after closer inspection I decided a more original world would be a jungle planet where civilization is the exception and wilderness is the norm.

             

 
           RACES OF TERSNIA

  An extremely diverse amount of species inhabit Tersnia, but the many, many species of mammals and reptiles have proven to be the most accomplished. The Humans, Yukum, Iklites, and Berduls are the intelligent races of Tersnia.



                    HUMANS
       Humans are very possibly the most diverse of all the races, having the ability to adapt to almost any enviroment. Humans also have the most different structures between tribes and cities. While the other races have structures that are common in all of their race's tribes, human settlments all have different laws and structures. This leads other races to falsely beleive that humans are choatic and disorganized.

      One trait that is common throughout human settlements is that their buildings seem to reflect their rank in the society. Poor families live in wooden homes that they construct out of sticks, logs and leaves.  Middle-class families live in houses made out of hardened mud and logs. High class citizens live in stone homes. Another feature common among humans in that, instead of having one ruling leader, they have a ruling council, each council member representing a different part of the village or city.

     Personality: Most humans generally have ambitious and adventurous personalities, leading them to create some of the largest cities in the jungle. Some human leaders have rougher personalities, but that just comes from experience and leading other humans for so long.

       Militiary Humans have some of the most advanced weapons known. They consider slings and bows primitive weapons, and use several varities of crossbows, including the Repeating Crossbow, the Hand Crossbow, the Heavy Crossbow and the Tri-Crossbow. They have soldiers trained to fight with swords, even though most soldiers use crossbows.

        Male Names
   Jonn, Cris, Tomm, Flint, Kenn, Quinn, Marc, Stevene, Bubba, Riann, Stilt and many, many others.

          Female Names
  Barbara, Jira, Derbera, Sintine, Trissa, Berla, and many, many others.

    HUMAN RACIAL TRAITS
 

Medium: As medium creatures, humans have no bonuses or penalties due to their size.
+2 to any one Stat at first, fourth and eighth levels.
Human Base Land Speed is 30ft.
4 extra skill points at first level and 1 additional skill point at every level after that.
Automatic Langauges: Sitran

[Kindling]

TERSNIA

   Tersnia is an ancient land, dotted with ruins and lost civilizations. Most of the land is covered in jungle, and when a village or town isn't mantainted the jungle reclaims it. Here, everyday is a struggle to survive when outside of civilization, and dinosaurs and goblins prowl the jungles, making it an even harsher place to survive. Inside civilization, however, everything is much more civilized.

This is a very evocative concept for a campaign setting, and I can't wait to see you develop it further.

However, I feel compelled to criticise your writing in this opening passage. I'll try my best to do so constructively :P

The introduction to your setting is in many ways the most important part, as it not only summarises the world, but also, as the first thing any reader will see, serves to grab their attention, and make them want to read more.

While I feel yours certainly paints an interesting picture, the writing lets it down, and if it is to set the tone for the rest of your setting, it really needs to be top-notch on every level.

The problem with the writing is very simple - overuse of the words jungle and civilisation.

Try using rainforest or wilderness instead of jungle in a few instances, and in the last sentence ("in civilisation things are more civilised") try maybe ending with something like developed or cultured instead, to avoid the repetition.

[LordVreeg]

Bubba?

[Nomadic]

TERSNIA

   Tersnia is an ancient land, dotted with ruins and lost civilizations. Most of the land is covered in jungle, and when a village or town isn't mantainted the jungle reclaims it. Here, everyday is a struggle to survive when outside of civilization, and dinosaurs and goblins prowl the jungles, making it an even harsher place to survive. Inside civilization, however, everything is much more civilized.

This is a very evocative concept for a campaign setting, and I can't wait to see you develop it further.

However, I feel compelled to criticise your writing in this opening passage. I'll try my best to do so constructively :P

The introduction to your setting is in many ways the most important part, as it not only summarises the world, but also, as the first thing any reader will see, serves to grab their attention, and make them want to read more.

While I feel yours certainly paints an interesting picture, the writing lets it down, and if it is to set the tone for the rest of your setting, it really needs to be top-notch on every level.

The problem with the writing is very simple - overuse of the words jungle and civilisation.

Try using rainforest or wilderness instead of jungle in a few instances, and in the last sentence ("in civilisation things are more civilised") try maybe ending with something like developed or cultured instead, to avoid the repetition.

I agree here. Perhaps something like:

Tersnia

Tersnia is an ancient land, dotted with the remains of lost civilizations. It is a realm of vast jungles, filled with the chipped reminders of nature's ever advancing presence. Beyond the limits of civilization the ultimate battle one must face is one of survival. The vast tracts of wilderness are home to far more savage forces. Roving bands of goblins and fearsome predators scour the rainforest, happy to consume any unwary wanderer. However, within the developed pockets of society, there is still hope. Yet for how long none can say for sure.

Feel and format is everything. Avoid repetition and try to hook your readers. Your world seems a bit like the classic points of light style which is excellent in the sense that it is easy to write a good hook for. Play off the fears of the untamed wilds and push forward the idea of safety in the maintained cities/settlements/whatever. A good thing to do here is to end it on a negative note. This opens it up to being in your adventurers and gives you the original plot rack to hang your plot hooks upon.

[Drizztrocks]

Thank you very much! Do you mind if I use that for my actual opening? Its great! I see what you mean using jungle and civilization to much...after I read it over I realized how poor it looked.

[Drizztrocks]

YUKUM
    The Yukum are a race of very intelligent apes, larger in build then humans and completely covered in brownish-blackish fur. Yukum do not construct villages, but rather find caves and groves to live in. They are much more primitive then humans technology wise, but have a very heightened sort of communication that involves barks and grunts. They are wary of magic and technology, but can adapt easily. They are certainly not dumb, but they aren't as well educated as some other races may be.

   Yukums live in clans of about twenty or thirty. All the adults in the clan work together to raise the children, so small family groups seem strange and foreign to them. All the adult males serve as warriors when the need arises. They use spears for weapons and large turtle shells for sheilds.


 Personality Yukums are a very proud race that doesn't enjoy other races questioning their methods. They can be brutal and harsh, but only when they have been insulted. Otherwise they can be very helpful and even kind at times. Since they live within the brutal, unforgiving wilderness of Tersnia they may have to be tougher and harsher then other races to survive.

   Militiary Yukums use spears and turtle shell sheilds in battle. They usually throw their spear when the first good shot presents itself, and then they charge into battle using anything they can to destroy their enemies. They are brutal in battle and usually go into a berserker mode, slamming their sheild into enemies faces, and biting and punching until their enemies are down.

    Names Yukums name their children after certain elements of nature, and common names in Yukum culture are Wind, Hurricane, Flame, Rock, and Flower.


     

Yukum Racial Traits
-2 Intelligence, +2 Strength, +2 Constitution
Size: Medium Yukums have no penalties or bonuses related to size
+4 to all Climb checks
Automatic Langauges: Yukum
Favored Class: Barbarian

 
 

[Acrimone]

It's always tough getting a campaign world concept going, and you are to be commended for making the first steps.  It speaks well of your ambition and abilities, and we're glad to have you here.  Since there's not too much to work with yet (but more to come, I'm sure!) I'm just going to jump right into questions.

* If the land is dotted with ruins, who built them?  This doesn't need to be addressed right up front, but it's something to think about.  (It's also something that people often ignore.)

* Does anyone live outside of civilization?  Why would they do that if it's such a drag?  Even in the introduction, you might want to slip in a little something not just about what life might be like outside of the cities, but who is out there, and why.

* How is there such perceived variance in governmental structure if humans universally have councils?  Do you mean to say that there is variance in how the councils are composed and how they act, procedurally?

* Are the distinctions in housing legally mandated?  Or is it simply a question of economics?  Because if the lower classes have access to logs (it's in their building materials list), then mud should come pretty cheap in a jungle and the difference between middle and lower classes would likely be one of size rather than materials.  Is it just that they can't afford architects?  Or a question of how *many* logs they can afford?

Don't think you need to answer all these questions at once.  It looks like you're still in the beginning stages, so there's no rush.  But these are some of the sorts of questions that you should keep in mind as you continue on.  Keep up the good work!

P.S. - In your signature line, I strongly suggest changing "your" to "you're". You also might wish to consider, since your sig is several lines long, formatting it in a different color, size, style, or putting it in a box or spoiler block.  Just a suggestion.

[Kindling]

YUKUM

::snip::
 

Interesting. Intended as a PC race or as wilderness-roaming monstrous humanoids? If the former, think about how the difference in technologies will affect interaction with, for example, human PCs.

For that matter, what is the reason for their inferior technology?

Also, slightly confused as to the proper plural term - at the start you refer to the race collectively as "the Yukum", yet later you mention that "Yukums" do such-and-such. Please clarify.

P.S. - In your signature line, I strongly suggest changing "your" to "you're". You also might wish to consider, since your sig is several lines long, formatting it in a different color, size, style, or putting it in a box or spoiler block.  Just a suggestion.

"Your" is correct in that context.

[Nomadic]

"Your" is correct in that context.

Your denotes ownership. You're of course is a shortening of you are. "You will never truly live if you're afraid to die" is the grammatically correct version. Your afraid to die would mean that it is talking about the afraid to die (object) that you own. Which would be very odd.

[~Kalin~]

i don't have much to say at the moment, except that you are off to a good start and i also noticed this in the yukum racial block(emphasis in bold)

Halfling Racial Traits
-2 Intelligence, +2 Strength, +2 Constitution
Size: Medium Yukums have no penalties or bonuses related to size
+4 to all Climb checks
Automatic Langauges: Yukum
Favored Class: Barbarian

[Kindling]

"Your" is correct in that context.

I was looking at the wrong bit of his sig :P

[Acrimone]

The good news is that sigs retro-update.  So all he needs to do is adjust "settings".

The bad news is that sigs retro-update.  So this discussion is going to seem weird once he fixes it.

[LordVreeg]

The good news is that sigs retro-update.  So all he needs to do is adjust "settings".

The bad news is that sigs retro-update.  So this discussion is going to seem weird once he fixes it.

Are you kidding?  It gets better.  Just look at any old Thread this 'joker' guy has been responded to, and you'll see a ton of references to a non-existent Soviet Troll, or Troll, whatever ....

[SDragon]

I'm loving this so far. As you may have noticed, I'm a fan of non-tolkienian fantasy, and I think jungles are a good alternative.

Few question and comments, though. First, when you talk about jungles, do you mean a sort of Africa inspired setting, or more central/south American? Either one is fine, of course, but I think this sort of decision will make a big impact on the overall setting. If you'd like, you might even want to go for some exotic blend of the two, but if you do that, make sure you know which parts of the setting are inspired by which region.

You say that in Tersnia, "civilization is the exception, and wilderness is the norm", but that the Yukum (I'm using that as the plural, but that is something you need to consider) "have to be tougher and harsher then other races to survive" because "they live within the brutal, unforgiving wilderness". If "wilderness is the norm", then wouldn't that apply to most, if not all, races, or is it a case of there being plenty of civilization, just not as much (or as advanced) as typical fantasy leaves us accustomed to? Again, either approach is fine. Personally, I chose the latter for Xiluh, which is another jungle-based setting. Of course, it's also possible that the Yukum are the predominate race in this setting, the way humans are in most other settings. This would allow other races to be more civilized then Yukum, and still have civilization the exception.

One small point on your writing. Adding "and many, many more" at the end of a list of examples, like you did with the human names, is a bit redundant. Not only do you use the word "many" twice, but in cases like this, it's generally accepted that you're not giving a complete list. If you feel the need to point out that the list is of examples, there are other, better ways, such as saying "Examples of names for humans are...", or "some human names are..." You also came up with another way, with Yukum, stating that the list is of "common names".

All in all, though, this is looking like it could be a great setting. I can't wait to see how it all turns out!

[Kindling]

Few question and comments, though. First, when you talk about jungles, do you mean a sort of Africa inspired setting, or more central/south American? Either one is fine, of course, but I think this sort of decision will make a big impact on the overall setting. If you'd like, you might even want to go for some exotic blend of the two, but if you do that, make sure you know which parts of the setting are inspired by which region.

Or, for that matter, one might consider south-east asian influences. Vast, Ankor Wat style temples with orange-garbed monks, punji pit traps, gaps in the rainforest for rice paddies... et cetera