The fantasy novelist's exam

[brainface]

i feel i simply MUST link to this.

http://rinkworks.com/fnovel/

my favorite question, bar none:

#65. Do you not realize it takes hours to make a good stew, making it a poor choice for an "on the road" meal?

Valuable[/i] information, i'm sure.

[Arnkel]

I particularly like the two right after, considering that I drink "barrels and barrels" of the stuff as often as possible. If it WERE beer, that would certainly make getting ahold of vast quantities of it a whole lot easier.

[Raelifin]

:jive: Wow, that was awesome. I think I have a new bible. X)

[Túrin]

VERY nice! :D

[CYMRO]

Is your name Robert Jordan and you lied like a dog to get this far?

I love it! :evillaugh:

[Captain Obvious]

That list is awesome and does get rid of huge amounts of problems in bad fantasy novels.

But if this list is seriously used on something, it could kill good novels.

I ran some good stories through it and it said that the author should give up (a good example was american Gods, one of the best recent novels, and best novels ever in my opinion).

[Ishmayl-Retired]

Personally, I really don't have any problems with Robert Jordan either, except that I just wish he was done. His writing, though, doesn't bother me, nor do his characters and their actions, or the fact that his story follows several cliches.

[brainface]

AMERICAN GODS:
fails:
9: (numerous counts! although i think they're really aiming for Fizbans here :), not anansi)
10: *snerkt*
39: only one dwarf, rule forbids the plural of dwarves, so: pass!
48: i seem to remember many travels. travel in modern america is far more interesting than "generic fantasy wilderness", though :D

(for some reason, i didn't actually like american gods; though everyone else seems to think it's the best novel ever. I thought anansi boys was great, though. go figure. maybe because it broke fewer rules in this test? yeah, i figure that's it.)

[Ishmayl-Retired]

Oooh, this would be a good game, brain.  We should all pick our favorite authors/series and test them against this exam to whether they pass or fail.

[brainface]

dude, i'd throw out like, William Gibson, and win every time. i think. unless he talks about stews a lot and i forgot. And The Count of Monte Cristo. god that's an awesome book. which i need to finish. it's really kind of a predecessor to the modern '9-volume novel with hundreds of interweaved characters' but before we went crazy with that shit. (that is, it's THREE volumes with DOZENS of interweaved characters.) It's also really ironic that it's hard to find the non-abridged version, because in the seventies, they thought no one would spend the time to read it. Then along comes robert jordan, etc., who write a series, one volume of which is as long as the entire count of monte cristo. And one volume of Monte Cristo has twice the plot of Jordan's entire series, i swear.

I feel the need to rant about modern fantasy, often. This is because it disappoints me. :(

[brainface]

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE

Does nothing happen in the first fifty pages?

FAILS!

[brainface]

GOOD OMENS:

Is the evil supreme badguy secretly the father of your main character?

FAILS!

[brainface]

I'd do the bible, but then i'd have to go to hell.  :sad1:

[Ishmayl-Retired]

Brain, what series are you currently failing?

[Ishmayl-Retired]

Ooh, even better, we should each pick a series and go thru the entire checklist, giving one point per failling mark, and at the end, the person with the least number of marks wins... and the prize will be....   something.... of magnificent power and wonder....