Teleleli. Or, The City Never Dies; It Just Smells That Way.

[LD]

...I don't see much wrong with Badum-Tish other than the proverb. Yes, I know the phrase badum-tish, but it's not a deal-breaker for me at least. I sort of like the name for a city where the Hollow Mockeries make their living.

but: "Don't Talk Like A Pirate Day: " probably needs to be cut.

[Age of Fable]

but: "Don't Talk Like A Pirate Day: " probably needs to be cut.

What if it was called something else, eg 'Talk Like A Gentleman Day'?

A festival where pirates imitate/satirise the gentry seems to me to be something that could really happen.

[LD]

That would likely be a much better name.

[Age of Fable]

OK - I've noted it.

[Teh_Az]

I'm reading through your Teleleli website right now, and unfortunately I instantly saw a problem.

Is your use of the word Forward for Foreward intentional? If so, why?

Also, might you be able to write a more appetizing version of your section on the calender. I found it easy to read through everything else leading up to that section, yet when I touched it I felt like I had to skip it. Maybe it's because it's so mechanical a reality that I didn't feel that I needed to know anything that it could teach.

I like your use of voice by the way, turning your supplement into one big fictional account of a fictional character is wonderful form. More people should do it. I do it, and I enjoy it.

Apart from that, I need to read on more.

One more thing, might you try a more organized format for this? Like say, putting a table of contents or something. It's tiring to read just one continuous scroll of information. Certain sections must have a sense of finality to them, just so the reader could rest his mind, his efforts, and his expectations.

Other than that, I like your worldbuilding, and your online game, although it was terribly unforgiving on me. It feels as if the only ending one could get from the game was to die, not win, die. It was as if the entire point was to keep clicking until you die, it only ends if you die. If you don't die, keep on trucking.

I also approve of your use of technology and shaping it to fit your vision of the setting. I would still have to complete my read-through to see if everything fits though, but so far it is looking to be quite a good piece of work.

Good job.

[Age of Fable]

Is your use of the word Forward for Foreward intentional? If so, why?

oops. Changed it.

Also, might you be able to write a more appetizing version of your section on the calender.

How could I make it easier to read?

One more thing, might you try a more organized format for this? Like say, putting a table of contents or something. It's tiring to read just one continuous scroll of information.

I intend to have a table of contents in the actual book. All the references in a format like '(see Farther Locations below)' will be changed to page numbers; for example '(p42)'.

[LD]

>>The sage Hekabe, called Hekabe the Unbelievable, claimed that every hundred years or so cats gather in this disused park, and shed their skins to reveal their true forms.

Perhaps you could explain what their true forms are?

[Teh_Az]

Principally, I don't know how your could write your calender section better. It was just so mechanical and complicated a fact that I just skipped it because it didn't seem all that important. I guess this is a personal preference on my part. I dislike having anything to do with complex non-terran time schemes.

I will try to find out how you could write it better though, right after I finish appreciating the rest of your supplement. I love your use of the Courage-Seller and Memory-Seller. I think they are the most unique creatures I've encountered in roleplaying so far. I also like the layout you had for these creatures. You kept it short enough to keep the readers attention, yet long enough to tell exactly what needed be known.

[Age of Fable]

Maybe if it was moved to an appendix?

[Steerpike]

I really like the calender and personally don't mind its position.

A few questions (not so much critical ones so much as things I'm curious about/could improve the setting):

1) How does spellcasting work in this setting?  Is there a distinction between arcane and divine as in classic D&D?  Is there a classic Vancian setup to magic, or some other mechanism?

2)I can imagine the sorts of adventures that might go on in the setting, but some adventure seeds/ideas might give readers  a better idea of what adventuring feels like in Teleleli and realms beyond.

3) I very much like the idea of the Age Spirits but I have trouble envisioning them.  What might one look/act like?

[Age of Fable]

I love your use of the Courage-Seller and Memory-Seller. I think they are the most unique creatures I've encountered in roleplaying so far. I also like the layout you had for these creatures. You kept it short enough to keep the readers attention, yet long enough to tell exactly what needed be known.

 :whoa: Thanks!

[Age of Fable]

How does spellcasting work in this setting?  Is there a distinction between arcane and divine as in classic D&D?  Is there a classic Vancian setup to magic, or some other mechanism?

Since it's systemless, it would just work based on whatever rules were used.

I can imagine the sorts of adventures that might go on in the setting, but some adventure seeds/ideas might give readers  a better idea of what adventuring feels like in Teleleli and realms beyond.

I was trying to put adventure hooks in (for example trying to track down the truth behind the Court of Miracles, or the disappearing Pony Express riders). Originally I was going to have adventure hooks marked as such, but this doesn't work with presenting it as a traveller's account. Any ideas on what I could do?

I very much like the idea of the Age Spirits but I have trouble envisioning them.  What might one look/act like?

I've re-written this section. Is it better/clearer now?

[Steerpike]

I have a better conception of how the Age Spirits work now, yeah.

I don't have a genius way of incorporating adventure hooks, but you mentioned maybe adding an appendix, so that could work.

[Teh_Az]

One more suggestion, tiniest detail alone, why not add John Bull tot he personifications of England for your Age Spirits?

[Age of Fable]

Are Americans familiar with John Bull?