Astraea: The Chaos Within

[So-Keher]

:D i like that too
is my Kobold deity up there? lemme check.

shoot nm that's a different campaign

[Elven Doritos]

ElDo's review is here!

First things first: as has been said, awesome map. :)

In the history section: The early information sets a fairly solid foundation for the setting, but I'll admit I don't have a very firm timeline of what happened to help frame it. I recommend splitting your national histories with the pre-history, and establishing a timeline of events seperately to help maintain continuity.

In Dorion, the lizardfolk make up an awfully small percentage of the population for them to be a viable threat in my eyes, but perhaps there aren't very many royal/militia warriors in that nation? If so, I could certainly see why they're having such problems with the rascals. Also, how is the government of Dorion strucutured? Is there a special mercenary corps dealing with the "lizard problem"?


How are the vampires keeping ever Tom, Cleric, and Pally from starting a crusade into their nation? I'd see a whole aristocracy being a very lucrative target for both revolutionaries looking to overthrow the feudal system to the forces of good wanting to shift the balance of power. I'm curious as to what methods they're using to outsmart the good guys-- especially when it comes to things like public addresses, banquets, and any other daytime activity.

For a realm full of Machiavellian schemers, Maar sure is a quiet place. >_>

What justification do the merchants of Meriador have for simply not moving shop elsewhere? If the local navy isn't able to engage most of the pirate attacks, it seems like an unprofitable situation.

I bet those vampires from the Fang Strip have haunted the dwarves more than once-- after all, travelling underground means never having to stop because of sunlight. How does the dwarves' willingness to supply weaponry to anyone affect their relations when they are supplying opposite sides in a war? Is there some peace that is brokered to ensure the dwarves' neutrality?

How does the presence of the aasimar in Sera affect the lives of the mortals who live there? Are there any Seranians who have seen the placement of the aasimar as a sign of distrust from the gods, that they aren't responsible enough to wield the power they do?

Not much to say about Trueion.

Hope I helped. :)

[So-Keher]

Wow very in-depth thanks! However I have to admit that I had never even considered those ideas in my original draft so it may take a little while to get back to you on that! Thanks again.

[SDragon]

1.)How are the vampires keeping ever Tom, Cleric, and Pally from starting a crusade into their nation? I'd see a whole aristocracy being a very lucrative target for both revolutionaries looking to overthrow the feudal system to the forces of good wanting to shift the balance of power. I'm curious as to what methods they're using to outsmart the good guys-- especially when it comes to things like public addresses, banquets, and any other daytime activity.


2.)How does the presence of the aasimar in Sera affect the lives of the mortals who live there? Are there any Seranians who have seen the placement of the aasimar as a sign of distrust from the gods, that they aren't responsible enough to wield the power they do?

(numbers, mine)

1.) my guess is subtle-yet-powerful behind the scenes minipulation, quite possibly seeped in centuries of highly secret vampiric tradition. unless youre asking just what those minipulations and traditions are, in which case, ill return the question to so-keher...

2.) divine distrust seems an unusual twist of a reaction.... my thought was that it was seen as more of a blessing; the basic line of thought would be similar to :Aasimar come to us, not you. we're the ones chosen to be in the presence of these beings."

just my 2cp on the subject....

[Wix of Bel-Air]

My comments are pretty much the same as the others in the way that I can't figure out how the vampiric aristocracy keeps their hold of power. Eventually, someone is going to stumble across something. Especially if they hold the gladitorial matches.

Also, when the "attempted coup" by the dark elves stole the book, did they actually keep the "princess" or whatever girl when they did their coup?

[Numinous]

So, Let's start the review, shall we?

Your categorisation into generations of the races is nice.  Simple, but not overwhelmingly so.  Pardon me as I'm reading this in order, so my questions may be answered elsewhere.  Do the various "generations" have issues with who is better?  Like, I was here first and such?

Alright, your nations look fairly alright here...  Are rakshasas evil in your setting?  Are elves good?  And where precisely did the vampires come from?  Perhaps a section on their origin would be useful.  Also, it is mentioned that Sera and Trueion are close allies at one point, even though it is mentioned that Serans fled Trueion due to persecution.  Could you perhaps shed some light on the relations between these two nations?  Perhps expanding your history in the first post and moving the nations to a different post might help, allowing a more in-depth look at both.

It seems like you have taken a page from the Eberron CS here, as your elaborations on building characters based on their background sounds familiar.  Of course, this is definitely not a bad thing, as this information would prove very useful.  Once again, I wonder about the alignment of the rakshasas and the lizardfolk.  Since these reptilian buggers are almost at war with the humans, how would an adventuring member of that race be treated?  Seems like discrimination would be a big issue here.

Can you provide a link to this "essentials of a campaign world" thread?  I thought I saw it somewhere...

Two small notes from your somewhat random intermediary posts.  Sun and Moon duality is awesome, and if you wan to use it, there's nothing wron gwith that.  Also, yay for dumping halflings!  They really don't add much to a world without serious rebuilding, and if you're not in for that, so be it!

Well, oops.  Looks like you revised a lot of stuff...  I'm gonna make a new post to review the rest of it.  Maybe you should put a note in the earlier posts to point that out so others don't make the same mistake.  You can have my thoughts on the prior information, maybe some of it is still useful.

[Numinous]

Dorion: Nice tension here, although I'd like to hear how they have achieved such good relations with Trueion since elves usually hold a grudge and the War of Beginnings wasn't exactly a minor conflict.

LeStravia: How much of what goes on in LeStravia is common knowledge?  I'm just curious as to whether or not the  other primarily good nations are aware of the presence of the vampires ruthless control.
It sounds like the humans have crap for a life here.  Is there a reason they haven't successfully rebelled yet?  I mean, how old is LeStravia?  Are the vampires really that powerful, with their limited numbers?  Presicely what position does Vanderbain hold in the government?

Maar: If so little is known about the Tigris, then why are they trusted?  Also, tell more of this Tigris cleric?  Why does he wish the tribes united?  A viion perhaps?

Meriador: First question.  what is the "Monster of Legend"?  Can we get an actual legend for it?  Why does it say Meriador is alled with Karra'nash when the lizardfolk overran them in the pat?  Are they quick to forgive, or what?

Rugarr:  Sounds like a fairly simple idea and tame reion, so maybe you should think up some adventure seeds for this nation.  I'd think some sort of political manpulation amongst the old tribes would still be going on,a s their unification wasn't that long ago.

Sera: You mention the Aasimar, but have any other celestials decided to make their home in Sera?  Also, are there any other beliefs which are persecuted in Sera?  How are those without any prominent faith treated?

Trueion: The one issue I have with Trueion is that you describe it as an almost uptian society, but then the last paragraph claims that the state is in turmoil.  what exactly is the status of Trueion, and how is it even still intact since the book was lost?

And that's all, folks! :P

[So-Keher]

1.)How are the vampires keeping ever Tom, Cleric, and Pally from starting a crusade into their nation? I'd see a whole aristocracy being a very lucrative target for both revolutionaries looking to overthrow the feudal system to the forces of good wanting to shift the balance of power. I'm curious as to what methods they're using to outsmart the good guys-- especially when it comes to things like public addresses, banquets, and any other daytime activity.


2.)How does the presence of the aasimar in Sera affect the lives of the mortals who live there? Are there any Seranians who have seen the placement of the aasimar as a sign of distrust from the gods, that they aren't responsible enough to wield the power they do?

(numbers, mine)

1.) my guess is subtle-yet-powerful behind the scenes minipulation, quite possibly seeped in centuries of highly secret vampiric tradition. unless youre asking just what those minipulations and traditions are, in which case, ill return the question to so-keher...

2.) divine distrust seems an unusual twist of a reaction.... my thought was that it was seen as more of a blessing; the basic line of thought would be similar to :Aasimar come to us, not you. we're the ones chosen to be in the presence of these beings."

just my 2cp on the subject....

exactly (on both acounts)
when thinking of the vampires, think of the nation as a pre 1989 South Africa during Apartheid. The same reasons apply for LeStravia as they do for the white minority becoming dominant in a dominantly-black population.

i think that answers wixtor's question as well
i would explain more deeply but i think that one sentance does a pretty good job
note: the vampires will be making a much more in-depth appearance in the Chronicles. takin gin ALL  of the subject matter you guys have so graciously suggested. thanks all!

[So-Keher]

So, Let's start the review, shall we?

Your categorisation into generations of the races is nice.  Simple, but not overwhelmingly so.  Pardon me as I'm reading this in order, so my questions may be answered elsewhere.  Do the various "generations" have issues with who is better?  Like, I was here first and such?

Most definetely. The elves especially never really TOTALLY get along with the human races just because they are younger. Think of if you had a younger brother. Mostly you would get along but there is always a small, small underlying tension due to age differences (this weaskens as you get older, appropriately)

Alright, your nations look fairly alright here...  Are rakshasas evil in your setting?  Are elves good?  And where precisely did the vampires come from?  Perhaps a section on their origin would be useful.  Also, it is mentioned that Sera and Trueion are close allies at one point, even though it is mentioned that Serans fled Trueion due to persecution.  Could you perhaps shed some light on the relations between these two nations?  Perhps expanding your history in the first post and moving the nations to a different post might help, allowing a more in-depth look at both.

Sera, although fleeing Trueion at first, still remain their allies. They are similar in concept to the American Colonies. At first we said "screw you" to GB, but then after a while we still became allies in many world disputes. Sera, although differing in religious views, has the same mindset as the colonies.

It seems like you have taken a page from the Eberron CS here, as your elaborations on building characters based on their background sounds familiar.  Of course, this is definitely not a bad thing, as this information would prove very useful.  Once again, I wonder about the alignment of the rakshasas and the lizardfolk.  Since these reptilian buggers are almost at war with the humans, how would an adventuring member of that race be treated?  Seems like discrimination would be a big issue here.

the rakshasas are either LG or LN. The lizardfolk are CN to CE. Yes i did take a little from Eberron but I also stress the importance (as do all of my DM friends) of character development, as we like roleplaying the best, possibly even more than leveling and killing monsters. Yes discrimination would play a large part. Hwever, keep in mind that adventureers are most certainly outcasts, therefor they are more accepted. A good mercenary is a good mercenary, regardless of race.

Can you provide a link to this "essentials of a campaign world" thread?  I thought I saw it somewhere...

http://thecbg.org/e107_plugins/forum/forum_viewtopic.php?8983

Two small notes from your somewhat random intermediary posts.  Sun and Moon duality is awesome, and if you wan to use it, there's nothing wron gwith that.  Also, yay for dumping halflings!  They really don't add much to a world without serious rebuilding, and if you're not in for that, so be it!

:D

[So-Keher]

I think I answered a lot of questions here. If I missed anything tell me. Thanks for all the feedback guys!

[Túrin]

Alright so I read through your material. In general, I can say I certainly like it. Here are a couple of questions and thoughts.

Edit: Disclaimer: I haven't read wat others have said so some or all of this might duplicate earlier comments. Apologies.

Organization-wise, you might consider putting up the latest material in the first and second posts. Or at least clearly pointing out what the latest material is. Now it seems you have to read the entire thread to figure that out for sure. Your July 11th and July 12th posts together cover everything correct?

I noticed you were using a list of ten assumptions about roleplaying games I have seen in the past but couldnâ,¬,,¢t find again when I looked for it. Do you have a link?

The race-name Tigris is apparently base don â,¬Å"tigreâ,¬Â or some variant of that word. Donâ,¬,,¢t you think this is a bit too obvious? Or is it deliberate, giving the same impression to people in-game as it does to me? In short, what is the point?

Lizardfolk seem overpowered at first glance, though Iâ,¬,,¢ll leave it to the experts to give a more in-depth judgement of that.

The idea of distinguishing between regions is cool, and doing so through mechanics is an obvious choice (though that not necessarily the best one). However, by pointing out some feats, classes, skills and prestige classes from core material, you are not giving me any further impression of the area beyond what the one-line descriptor already says: I can think up for myself what core material would be well-placed in an elven metropolis or a misty swamp. To me, it would be much more interesting if the region offered specialized (new) feats and (prestige) classes, not unlike Forgotten Realmsâ,¬,,¢ regional feats.

Destruction seems like an obvious Domain choice for CE clerics.

I very much like your creation story. Though the Tolkien influences are obvious, it still has some original twists and, at least to me, remains a very interesting read, whether thatâ,¬,,¢s despite or because of the Tolkien influence.

Are elves immortal in your world?

Your take on religion is cool. Will you be detailing any churches/religions/cults?

Trueion has about half of its population living in one city. Is this intentional? In fact it seems all of your countries have disproportionately large capital cities. It might be wise to multiply the country populations by a factor of ten or somesuch.

Also about Trueion, you state it is a magocracy, does this mean all of the thirteen council members are mages?

When and how did Dorion and Trueion become allies again?

Why donâ,¬,,¢t the lizardfolk take advantage of the fact that they have Dorion at their mercy (I like that idea, by the way)?

Dorion seems a bit generic. For example, the statement â,¬Å"King Sarperon is a wise and just ruler, with complete trust of his subjects.â,¬Â is a bit boring, as it leaves no room whatsoever for doubt. How about â,¬Å"King Sarperon is a wise and just ruler, but some whisper that he is getting too old for the job.â,¬Â?

Oooh, vampires and flying ships. You sure got your basics covered! :D

Without a central government, how does Maar defend against attacks from other nations?

The idea that the King of the dwarves united them through messengers seems weird at first, but is actually pretty cool. It serves to illustrate in a nice way that the dwarves actually think different from humans. Such a peaceful union would be unthinkable among humans, but the lawful dwarves donâ,¬,,¢t give it a second thought.

In general, the nations all seem quite beneficial (except the vampires, but theyâ,¬,,¢re quite far away). Iâ,¬,,¢m missing some potential for conflicts and tension here, with all the goody two-shoes leaving peacefully together. One or two of the human nations could have a few more sinister twists IMO.

In conclusion, I can say that this is a setting that is a bit too generic for my tastes. A couple of twists and some novelty would much improve it. There are, however, quite a few twists already present, so this still remains an excellent setting. Keep up the good work and be sure to add more material every now and then.

Túrin

[Elven Doritos]

What justification do the merchants of Meriador have for simply not moving shop elsewhere? If the local navy isn't able to engage most of the pirate attacks, it seems like an unprofitable situation.

I bet those vampires from the Fang Strip have haunted the dwarves more than once-- after all, travelling underground means never having to stop because of sunlight. How does the dwarves' willingness to supply weaponry to anyone affect their relations when they are supplying opposite sides in a war? Is there some peace that is brokered to ensure the dwarves' neutrality?

How does the presence of the aasimar in Sera affect the lives of the mortals who live there? Are there any Seranians who have seen the placement of the aasimar as a sign of distrust from the gods, that they aren't responsible enough to wield the power they do?

You still haven't touched on these, I believe.

[So-Keher]

wow turin im overwhelmed im sorry but right now i dont have time but ill look at your comments tommorrow thx! same @elven as well

[So-Keher]

OK i think everything is moved ot the first post.

[Lmns Crn]

So, Astrea is a generic sort of world, without any big hooks or gimmickry? It'll be interesting to see where you go with that, as generic-styled worlds live or die by their handling. What's this about a second sun newly appearing? I take it this world is going somewhere, and I'm curious to know where.

The map is gorgeous.

The nations themselves fail to capture my enthusiasm, for the most part. With a few exceptions, they seem to be highly simplified and isolated cliches, which is not in itself a problem, but they don't seem to go anywhere from there. We have the simple, idyllic farming community (Dorion), the reclusive jungle tribal lands (Maar), the undermountain dwarven kingdoms (Rugarr), the beautiful elven cities of magic (Trueion.) I just don't find a lot to get excited about in any of these; I can't shake the feeling that I've been there, done that, even before reading the setting.

Meriador, I like. Ships and trade open up some valuable possibilities, not the least of which is some nice cultural mixture due to travel (although 4 out of 5 people there are still humans.) There's exciting danger from pirates and from sea monsters, which is cool. (How do the pirates avoid the sea monsters?)

LeStravia is also interesting, but I can't shake the feeling that the vampire government secret would be hard to keep (what with the part about no government official ever being seen during the day and all.) I also wonder why the human slaves don't just revolt in the daytime.

All in all, I feel like the nations are all existing in some sort of isolation, or in stasis. You have some international politics, but they amount to "Country A doesn't like Country B much" and "Country C is under protection from Country D." It's not exciting because there's no tension; I'm not worried about anything, because nothing looks likely to change. Does that make sense?

I'll ask the questions I ask everybody; in the case of Astrea, I think the answers might be particularly helpful to understanding: What are the main sources of conflict? What kinds of games would you plan to run in a setting like this, and what makes this setting well-suited to them?

You touch briefly on some really interesting ideas, but then we don't hear any more about them. Where are you taking the whole "magic has consequences" idea (and what does that mean for magic-heavy nations like Trueion? Where are their consequences?) What does the sun vs. moon duality actually mean?

I feel like you have a lot of potential here. You just need to release some of that potential. There are so many things here that just need to be explored and clarified a little more.

Think of a boulder on the ground, compared to a boulder balanced on the edge of a cliff. The second image is more powerful, because it's not just an object at rest: it's an object that gives you the impression that something scary might be about to happen. The higher the cliff, and the more precarious the balance, the more suspense the boulder holds.

So you have a lot of really nice boulders here, but they're mostly boulders on flat ground. Maybe it would help to start pushing them up to the edges of cliffs?