The Campaign Builder's Guild

Granted! There are now only spiky worms, and venomous worms!

I wish for toast!

Granted.  It's really dry, unbuttered toast.  You choke on it.

I wish I could stop playing this game.

Granted!  You have full ability to stop playing the game, but with the knowledge that a bomb will blow up a bus full of innocent people if you do.  You want to stop playing?  I hope you can live yourself after....

I wish for the secret to making incorruptible wishes.

Yes.  Yes I can live with that.  >:)

Granted!  You learn the secret to making incorruptible wishes, but it is so strange and alien that it unhinges your mind, reducing you to a gibering mass of human flesh and organs.  Even an attempt to recall the horrid secret reduces you to tears.

I wish a bomb would blow up a bus full of innocent people so I could stop playing this game!!!

Granted, unfortunately it isn't the bomb you were hoping for and the ensuing blast kills the one person who could have defused your bomb.

I wish my allergies were gone.

Granted!  You die!

I wish I had a kiwi bird.

Granted! It's a species of bird that eats nothing but Kiwi!

I wish for an utterly terrible thing to happen to me.

Granted! This is your kiwi bird. :(

I wish I had a tricorder like those in Star Trek, and the knowledge how to use it.

Granted!  You have a *broken* tricorder, and the knowledge of how to use it.

I wish I could teleport at will without risk of quantum disaster, such as my atoms getting rearranged, etc.

Granted. Instead you suffer a classical physics disaster; your momentum is preserved, so when you quickly change latitudes, you go flying into a brick wall and die.

I wish I didn't have to make a wish here.

Granted, because humabout killed me there is nobody around to pay site charges or maintain the server, the website shuts down. You are no longer able to make a wish here. On a totally unrelated note humabout is viciously mauled by a herd of furious turtles.

I wish I had a furious turtle guardian

Granted! It's very big, and very furious.... at you!

I wish that the ending to that sad kiwi movie was a happy ending...

Granted!  Your mental state is warped such that suicide makes you very happy.  After watching , you commit suicide yourself, "for the lulz."

I wish I had the ability to teleport WITHOUT ANY ADVERSE EFFECTS AT ALL


EDIT: spelling

Granted!  Your first teleport goes off without a single hitch!  Unfortunately, your destination happens to be ten feet in front of the rapidly-approaching hood ornament of an out-of-control Lincoln Town Car.  On the up side, your subsequent maiming gets you a mention on a CNN special about whether or not seniors should be required to take driving tests.

I wish I didn't have to interact or see another snowbird again.

Granted! You now have to ineract and see angry swans...

I wish for cinammon roasted cashews.