The Campaign Builder's Guild

I'm working on a little something, think of it in the vein of The Windy City but with the focus on Conner Carson, a private detective in the fictional city of Slumber.

Quote from: Teaser10:35 PM, outside the donut shop on 23rd and Central-- I detect the slight odor of paprika. I hear a slight scuttling noise in the street, but when I turn, it's gone. My hand instinctively reaches for my pistol. I start thinking of what that scuttling noise could be, about a thousand options pop into my head. Turns out I'm too slow, the scuttler is on me; texture and overpowering scent tell me it's a sewer demon. As I draw the gun, I add paprika to my shopping list. Three shots later, the demon is grinning. Mentions something about the indestructibility of hellfire, how only the magic of  Hell itself can harm him. Holster the pistol, grab my revolver. Scratch the paprika, there's a spare package in the spice cabinet. Two shots from the revolver and the demon stumbles. He's losing his form, and fast. This is his chance to tell me where my contact is. He hesitates. Cock the gun. I might have used the paprika last week, should probably stop by the store. Sewer monster says his name is Charlie, tells me my contact's in Detroit. Last bullet fires, Charlie goes down. Time to head to the store, catch the train in the morning.

You, my good sir, just wrote the awsomest story of a paprika excursion ever.

The one thing that bothers my about this piece is the first person nature. I understand how you need introspection, but first person, like second person is a little jarring. What was your main reason for this perspective? Would it hurt to re-write another version in 3rd, just to see how it flows?

Quote from: RaelifinYou, my good sir, just wrote the awsomest story of a paprika excursion ever.

The one thing that bothers my about this piece is the first person nature. I understand how you need introspection, but first person, like second person is a little jarring. What was your main reason for this perspective? Would it hurt to re-write another version in 3rd, just to see how it flows?

Good question. The goal of this particular fiction is going to be a sort of journal of sorts, almost as if he's writing it down *as* it's happening. The actual story is written in first person because it's meant to be his notes on what's happening. Imagine it like this, Carson finishes off the demon and grabs a small notepad and writes, trying to capture the last few moments perfectly.

Those "artsy" reasons may or may not jive with you, so here's a more simple answer: I plan on converting this to a comic book pitch, and writing in present tense now makes converting it to dialog and captions easier.

Quote from: Case 13-xC: Supernatural Stalker, log 1It's Thursday morning, clock says 4:32:45 AM, when the buzzer wakes me. Buzzer? No, doorbell, slept in the office. Put on the hat and straighten the jacket before opening the door. Considering purchasing new overcoat; the brown one is getting fringed on the sleeves. I wonder why someone needs to see me at this hour, but I open the door regardless. On the other side, a woman is in tears--- red dress and jewelery tell me she's got enough to pay the bills, scuffed shoes (they were new, maybe Italian? French?) tells me she's been running all night. Looking both ways on the street, she asks if she can come in. My hand goes to my inner pocket, resting on a number two pencil. It'll have to suffice. I turn around without saying a word, watching my back; she takes a cautious step through the archway. My hand relaxes, I tip my hat and apologize for my rudeness. Vampire attack last week proved you can never be too cautious. I ask her why she's here (and about the shoes-- they're Italian), she mentions being chased by her husband. Not sure why I'm her first choice. I ask her what her husband does for a living, turns out to be an interesting choice of wording: died in '98. Zombie? Woman's name is Danielle, apparently. Her breath smells of alcohol, not sure if that's a factor. Danielle remarried last year, seems the dead husband is none too pleased.

Note: In the future, do not get involved marital disputes in general, and supernatural ones in particular.

I ask for a brief description. Apparently, Zekey (Name is Ezekiel-- despite the murders and monstrous nature, still uses a pet name) is very well preserved. Not pale like a vampire, not decayed like your typical zombie. Translucency is right out, meaning no spectre or ghost. Danielle can't stay here. I give her an associate's address. Libby's not only a professional, she can hold her own against whatever it is that's chasing Danielle. Apparently, 'Zekey' has been showing his face at the local bars he visited in life, asking around about Danielle; I take a vial of holy water and the revolver before calling Libby. She promises to pick up Danielle. Even as I head out to follow up on these leads, I am convinced that there is far more to this particular case than meets the eye.