The Campaign Builder's Guild

feel free to give feedback on anything you like. i'll try to get as much of all of this to the first post as possible :)

edit- current events moved to OP

First off, i am a huge mignola/hellboy/bprd fan, so anything inspired by them is an awesome premise.

anyways...
what you have here so far looks really cool. I like the vampiric-led barbs and the defenitely plausible political events. the secret society is good, as well.

My main comment is about the nature-vs-nurture alignment. this is really a cool idea. the  fact that a characters actions could then have them just get detect eviled and "bam" mystery solved, has always bugged me. on the other hand, it can be great tool sometimes. for this, i thought up another n vs n which is different but similar to yours, so i thought i'd share it.

Basically, a character has an alignment which is based on their actions as standard. this doesn't really have an official alignment type given to it since it is just brought out by their roleplay and will vary basd on their alignments. this is the nurture alignment.
the nature alignment is what gets detected by any "detect spells" or smites or things like that. it is the same as the beings parrent's most common nurture alignment. so, if your parents were evil, but you do good deeds, you are essentially good, but will be detected as evil due to the darkness in your past. similarily, if someone evil comes from a good family, they won't detect as anything other than good.
it would obviously not be as cut and dried as all that, but i never got very far into developing it. I was planning there to be a way that if your alignments were contrary, doing an act closer to your nurture alignment would pull you more that way and it would get harder and harder for you to return to the alignment you were. similarily, if your parents were a far different alignment than you, "atonement" efffects can help to bring your nature alignment to be what your nurture one is. essentially you break away from your past and your alignment becomes based upon your actions, allowing to make your own destiny.

anyways, lots of holes in the system but i thouhgt i'd share it.
great work on the setting and i'm gonna keep watchiing it for new stuff.

If Seraphine wants any help... *flutter eyelashes* :P

Anyway, so far I like the setting - not much to comment on, though.

The map is hard to read - especially what I presume is Rosvar... just looks like a black smudge with the suggestion of some letters. I'd use a thin, unboldified font.

Wow, I had completely forgotten about that prestige class . . . well, Golem, if you want to colaborate, your help would be welcome.  

It's a little hard to review this since it's so early in the planning stages, but you seemed to be seeking input in the tavern earlier, so I'll try.  I am not at all familiar with your source material (Mignola nor Hellboy), though I loved Underworld.

First of all, what happened to the Fiendspawn?  The setting is named after him, but I noticed him mentioned briefly in the "timeline" (yeah, I know there weren't actual dates, but we'll call it a timeline).  On a related note, getting down dates is always helpful for understanding how things fit together.  Remember while you may have an idea of relative time frames, your readers won't know how many years you're talking about, especially since many of the characters  involved are not bound by mortal lifespans (fiends, vampires, liches, and in some cases nations appear like characters in your timeline).

You say the setting is unnamed (so I suppose it's not really named after Fiendspawn).  Getting a good name can help you focus your ideas, and perhaps post under a consolidated heading.  You can either name it after a place (such as the planet), or a theme.  Perhaps a central conflict or idea for your setting.  If you can't think of a central conflict, maybe coming up with one will add more focus to your setting.

Nations
A consolidated, detailed posting about the nations most important to this drama would be great.  It seems to Alradura (sp?) and Rosvar.  How about populations, relative locations, climate, a brief snippit about economy, and a general summary of politics in one place rather than scattered.

Technology
Before addressing this question, let me ask, how much magic is there?  If people are capturing and destroying pit fiends, it sounds like you have a lot of magic, at the least.  There is no real reason that a setting couldn't have both high technology and high magic, though.  If you want to distance yourself from other settings further, go with above average tech.  It feels at least Renaissance-era, though I could see WWII-era, modern, or even slightly future.

Another twist I offer randomly, is that it takes place in the distant future of Earth, following a revival of magic (perhaps driven by an apocalypse), ala Shadowrun.  That gives you a basis for history and a firm geography.  Of course, a new world works fine, too, and you've already put some effort into it.

Vampiric Order of Superiority
Seriously, this almost sounds comical.  It feels like something out of the Order of the Stick.  That's okay if it's what you want.  It sounds like kind of a lighthearted (despite the themes), tongue-in-cheek setting.

Overall
It's a nice start, and it could be a fun dark, but humorous setting.  I think would I understand more if I were familiar with your source.  Good luck with it.

captain obvious: that's pretty much what i'm going for; the biggest problem with the nature-vs-nurture concept is that the majority of people are raised by their biological parents. while this isn't always the case, it seems to be the case most of the time. that brings up the question: is this person evil because his parents had some fundemental element of evil in their very genetics, or is the person evil because their cheating-lying-stealing-killing parents taught them it's best to be evil? in this setting, it's both working together. this allows for a person to be evil because their parents were evil, but still capable of doing good, because they were raised to do good.

by the way, all alignment-related material has been moved to the OP.

golem: thanks for offering seraphine help with the PrC! i appreciate the effort. is the map any better now? when i move it to the OP, it'll end up getting spoiler'ed due to size, so hopefully that will help, too.

Quote from: Phoenix KnightIt's a little hard to review this since it's so early in the planning stages, but you seemed to be seeking input in the tavern earlier, so I'll try.  I am not at all familiar with your source material (Mignola nor Hellboy), though I loved Underworld.

Hellboy was created by Mike Mignola, and is considered his most recognizable work. if you get the chance, either watch the movie, or pick up a few back issues of either Hellboy or BPRD. you wont regret it.

QuoteFirst of all, what happened to the Fiendspawn?  The setting is named after him, but I noticed him mentioned briefly in the "timeline" (yeah, I know there weren't actual dates, but we'll call it a timeline).

On a related note, getting down dates is always helpful for understanding how things fit together.  Remember while you may have an idea of relative time frames, your readers won't know how many years you're talking about, especially since many of the characters  involved are not bound by mortal lifespans (fiends, vampires, liches, and in some cases nations appear like characters in your timeline).[/quote]You say the setting is unnamed (so I suppose it's not really named after Fiendspawn).  Getting a good name can help you focus your ideas, and perhaps post under a consolidated heading.  You can either name it after a place (such as the planet), or a theme.  Perhaps a central conflict or idea for your setting.  If you can't think of a central conflict, maybe coming up with one will add more focus to your setting.[/quote]Nations
A consolidated, detailed posting about the nations most important to this drama would be great.  It seems to Alradura (sp?) and Rosvar.  How about populations, relative locations, climate, a brief snippit about economy, and a general summary of politics in one place rather than scattered.[/quote]Technology
Before addressing this question, let me ask, how much magic is there?  If people are capturing and destroying pit fiends, it sounds like you have a lot of magic, at the least.  There is no real reason that a setting couldn't have both high technology and high magic, though.  If you want to distance yourself from other settings further, go with above average tech.  It feels at least Renaissance-era, though I could see WWII-era, modern, or even slightly future.[/quote]high[/i], its not common. magic is almost entirely limited to a selection of individuals and organizations, whereas technology is open to everybody. in other words, there are more lighters out in the world then there are pyromages, so naturally, there are more people that own a lighter then there are people who know about pyromancy.

QuoteAnother twist I offer randomly, is that it takes place in the distant future of Earth, following a revival of magic (perhaps driven by an apocalypse), ala Shadowrun.  That gives you a basis for history and a firm geography.  Of course, a new world works fine, too, and you've already put some effort into it.

Vampiric Order of Superiority
Seriously, this almost sounds comical.  It feels like something out of the Order of the Stick.  That's okay if it's what you want.  It sounds like kind of a lighthearted (despite the themes), tongue-in-cheek setting.[/quote]Overall
It's a nice start, and it could be a fun dark, but humorous setting.  I think would I understand more if I were familiar with your source.  Good luck with it.[/quote]Leave It to Beaver[/i], is a perfect example of this. i'm glad you like what i've got so far :)

map moved to OP.

Mignola inspired fantasy; I like it! I'd try and cut out most of the typical fantasy trappings (no need for gnomish guilds or such), but that's just me. Secretly I hate fantasy. But otherwise it looks fun.

I'd agree with phoenix knight that it's all a little comical, as is oftentimes Hellboy. The guy is always cracking jokes, the whole thing is kind of tongue-in-cheek pulp action, and the interpersonal interactions between the BPRD members are usually pretty comical, too. The serious things were the monsters* and the horrors Hellboy fought, and that's what made him so much fun for me. He was a wise-cracking Demonic U.S. Military Ghost-Hunter. Even Cthulhu himself isn't so scary when Hellboy is lambasting him across the chin.

As far as technology, I'd say the late industrial age pre-computer technology would work well in the setting. I'd jazz it up a bit, make it big more fantastic and weird (tommy guns in the hands of orcs are fun and all, but it adds to the silliness). Maybe magic powered technology, or something to offset the strange comedy that is a dwarf flying a P-51 mustang. That's almost close to the "barbarians in jet fighters/Battlefield Earth" syndrome; it just seems anachronistic to a comical degree. Then again, maybe that's what your going for, in which case I say more power to ya.

So... would the players be members of the fantasy BPRD, or would one of them be Fiendspawn himself, or what? I'd say go for broke and just nominate one to be Fiendspawn, let the rest be paranormal investigators with strange properties a la BPRD.

*there is a certain comedy to a giant pig-man, as well as the wee folk.

I'm seein' some pretty blatant and simplified parallels with WWII. Intentional?

i was wondering if anybody would point that out...

yes, definately intentional.

Quote from: V - L0XMignola inspired fantasy; I like it! I'd try and cut out most of the typical fantasy trappings (no need for gnomish guilds or such), but that's just me. Secretly I hate fantasy. But otherwise it looks fun.

the fantasy trappings are the big point where i'm trying to make this distinct from Hellboy. like i said earlier, i don't really want this to become Hellboy d20.

QuoteI'd agree with phoenix knight that it's all a little comical, as is oftentimes Hellboy. The guy is always cracking jokes, the whole thing is kind of tongue-in-cheek pulp action, and the interpersonal interactions between the BPRD members are usually pretty comical, too. The serious things were the monsters* and the horrors Hellboy fought, and that's what made him so much fun for me. He was a wise-cracking Demonic U.S. Military Ghost-Hunter. Even Cthulhu himself isn't so scary when Hellboy is lambasting him across the chin.

As far as technology, I'd say the late industrial age pre-computer technology would work well in the setting. I'd jazz it up a bit, make it big more fantastic and weird (tommy guns in the hands of orcs are fun and all, but it adds to the silliness). Maybe magic powered technology, or something to offset the strange comedy that is a dwarf flying a P-51 mustang. That's almost close to the "barbarians in jet fighters/Battlefield Earth" syndrome; it just seems anachronistic to a comical degree. Then again, maybe that's what your going for, in which case I say more power to ya.[/quote]So... would the players be members of the fantasy BPRD, or would one of them be Fiendspawn himself, or what? I'd say go for broke and just nominate one to be Fiendspawn, let the rest be paranormal investigators with strange properties a la BPRD.[/quote]*there is a certain comedy to a giant pig-man, as well as the wee folk.[/quote]

again, that comedy is definately to be included, but not emphasized.

thanks for the review!

On your map, do the dark blue parts represent undersea continental shelves?

It's a pretty map, but why map so much if you intend to use so little?  Or do you plan to use more later?

Looking over my original comments, and those of V-Lox, I'd say you could really play up the dark humor aspect; make it a major theme.  It sounds kind of like the comic is like that (I still haven't gotten around to seeing the movie...).

What is BPRD?  Maybe I saw this the first time, but now I can't seem to find it in re-skimming the thread.  (it sounds like it was something from the comic, is that right?)

As to your concern about people knowing what life is commonly like, perhaps a short story set in the world would help to give players a feel for it?

BPRD comes from the comics, and stands for Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense; until i develop a name for it, i'll be refering to the paladinic order that took in fiendspawn as my version of BPRD, since that's what it is.

i do plan on eventually using most- hopefully all- of the map, but so far, that's all i have. an idea i'm tossing around is calling that large landbound body of water "Noose lake", and possibley have a local name for it. i might even have a celtic-inspired region bordering it.

Quote from: sdragon1984- the S is for penguinBPRD comes from the comics, and stands for Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense;

I'm a helper ^_^

i have no clue what you're talking about......... >_>