Poems about a girl (And other subjects, but mostly a girl)

Epic Meepo · December 06, 2006, 10:58:48 PM

Hmm... I can't say I'm much of a poetry critic, but since you were just pimpin' it in the Tavern, I'll post a few quick thoughts on those last few poems.

I enjoyed how the last poem more or less avoided rhymes right up until the last two lines, then broke out "love" and "dove" to end it. That added some nice emphasis to the final lines.

On the flip side, the second stanza of "Eternally Affected" had an apparently unintentional rhyme with "out" and "doubt." Have that second stanza rhyme when none of the others did was a bit off-putting. (On the plus side, I really enjoyed "The effect of your affect long gone/ Affects me nonetheless." There's some literary term for word use of that sort, and I like it, especially the way it was used here.)

EDIT: My long streak of stupid posts to start off a new page continues! What good is the top post of a page when it's referring to previous posts, none of which are on the new page?

Seraph · December 06, 2006, 11:16:53 PM

QuoteHmm... I can't say I'm much of a poetry critic, but since you were just pimpin' it in the Tavern, I'll post a few quick thoughts on those last few poems.

I enjoyed how the last poem more or less avoided rhymes right up until the last two lines, then broke out "love" and "dove" to end it. That added some nice emphasis to the final lines.

Glad you like it. But actually, there's more rhyme in it than that: "Merciless . . . ruthless", "sour . . . power," and based on how you pronounde capricious (-ish-us or -eesh-us), it can rhyme with facetious. There are also several off-rhymes.

QuoteOn the flip side, the second stanza of "Eternally Affected" had an apparently unintentional rhyme with "out" and "doubt." Have that second stanza rhyme when none of the others did was a bit off-putting. (On the plus side, I really enjoyed "The effect of your affect long gone/ Affects me nonetheless." There's some literary term for word use of that sort, and I like it, especially the way it was used here.)

. . . diction? Or are you referring to the affect and effect sounds?

Epic Meepo · December 06, 2006, 11:47:53 PM

I was referring to the use of "affect" and "effect," two different words that have the same pronounciation, so close together, actually.

Seraph · December 07, 2006, 12:27:31 AM

Oh, I see. I don't know what that's called. Besides just sound repetition.

SA · December 07, 2006, 09:12:16 PM

I suppose that would be called assonance, although in most definitions of the word that only counts if both the vowel syllables are stressed.

EDIT: And possibly some kind of "vocalic alliteration".

Tangential · January 01, 2007, 10:22:13 PM

The girl series was poignant and heart-rending. Universal truth is a powerful message.

I enjoyed the others as well, with the exception of Infection.

Seraph · January 22, 2007, 03:28:51 AM

To a Girl Named Love

Run little girl,
Run as fast as you can;
Your troubles are right at your heels.

Run little girl,
Run away from the man;
Time ticks away, the bell peals.

Run little girl,
Run and hide in the past;
The future is for the bold.

Run little girl,
Run-you're alone at last;
Shun love as men should be cold.

Run little girl,
Run and cover your ears;
So you won't hear what they say.

Run little girl,
Run with frivolous fears;
Push those who love you away.

Túrin · January 22, 2007, 06:29:48 AM

Ouch! How harsh of you. Well put, though.

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Poems about a girl (And other subjects, but mostly a girl)

Epic Meepo

Seraph

Epic Meepo

Seraph

SA

Tangential

Seraph

Túrin