The Campaign Builder's Guild

[spoiler]As Yenemros approached him, he woke up in a startle. "I thought I told you, don't sneak up on me like that!"Â cried Voran. Yenemros replied, "I wasn't sneaking up on you, and besides, Alustina wants us."Â As Yenemros mentioned her name, Voran had a dreamy-eyed look on his face. As he sat there, Yenemros walked up to him and punched him in the shoulder. "Snap out of it!"Â he yelled. "What was that for?"Â cried Voran. As replied, he got up and jumped on Yenemros, bringing him to the ground. Yenemros flung him off of himself and attacked back. They kept fighting for a while, before a slender figure approached the door and started laughing. She said, "Oh well, I guess we're going to be late, and you know how the masters feel about tardiness."Â Voran and Yenemros immediately jumped up. "Umm..hi,"Â said Voran awkwardly. Alustina replied in a cheerful manner, "Well, come on then. Get your stuff together and let's go. Oh, and we need to get Hurut and Korimel along the way.[/spoiler]

A little short to truely comment on, but I do have a few. I am holding off saying whether your writing is good or bad until I see more. :)

What do the characters look like? If this is where you are introducing Vorn, Yenemros, and Alustina then it is a good place to give a brief description of each of them as you introduce them. Describe their hair (color and state), eyes, whether they are tall or short, fat or slim, what they are wearing, what is the condition of their clothes (if they have any), etc...

Where are the characters? I see they are standing on ground, but what else is around them? Are they outside or inside? I'm guessing they are outside in a camp, but I don't know for sure reading this paragraph.

What time of day is it? One character was sleeping, but that doesn't tell me if it is late night, early morning, or even mid day.

What time of the year is it? Spring, Summer, Fall, or Winter? What covers the ground they are standing on grass, leaves, snow? (if they are outside)

It would be helpful if you paint the scene so your characters aren't just voices in a void.

I agree with Poseidon.  The other suggestion I'd make is to use conventional paragraph structure unless you have a compelling reason not to.

Which means placing a new speaker on a new line.  It makes it much easier to keep straight what's going on.

Writing more makes it easier, so keep it up.

It looks like a good start.  The paragraph break is your friend by the way.  I'd like more details too.  

I'd have more up, but last night I was up to 3, then before i decided to go to sleep, i had an idea pop into my head. i quickly typedit in, edited it, and gnerated random names to the best of my ability when caffiene has no more effect on me at 3 am. then i went to sleep, woke up, ate, slept, woke up, posted, then slept. now im up, and i will put more up soon, but now i have the urge for massive amounts of mountain dew.

[spoiler]
It was a tipical summerâ,¬,,¢s afternoon in the town of Lirun for Voran Illezou, a half-elf. He was napping in the barn, as usual at this time of day. As Yenemros the â,¬Å"Raging Half-manâ,¬Â, as dubbed by the town stomped through the falling leaves that marked the coming of fall, he woke up in a startle. Voran said, â,¬Å"As stealthy as ever, Yen. Anything happen?â,¬Â
Yenemros (nicknamed Yen) replied, â,¬Å"Shut itâ,¬Â¦yes, actually something did happen. Alustina says Marshal Runag wants us for some task.â,¬Â As Yen  mentioned her name, Voran had a dreamy-eyed look on his face.
Heâ,¬,,¢s a great ranger and fighting companion, but as soon as someone mentions her name, he becomes a big drugant (Rough translation is doofus, but has a more insulting connotation), Yen thought. As he sat there, in his far-off gaze, Yen walked up to him and smacked him in the shoulder.
â,¬Å"Snap out of it!â,¬Â he yelled.
 Ã¢,¬Å"What was that for? Do you really want me to get up, you midget?â,¬Â cried Voran. As replied, he got up and dusted himself off.
Yen replied, â,¬Å"Why should I be scared of you? All someone needs to do is say â,¬ËAlustinaâ,¬,,¢ and youâ,¬,,¢re a helpless fool.â,¬Â
Voran growled, â,¬Å"Thatâ,¬,,¢s enough,â,¬Â and lunged out to tackle the Halfling. Yen gathered up his strength, and with a yell, shoved Voran into the entrance, into a slender, human figure.
She chuckled as she said, â,¬Å"I leave you two alone for one afternoon and all you can do is get into a fight?â,¬Â
â,¬Å"Ummâ,¬Â¦hi,â,¬Â said Voran awkwardly, as a deep blush came over his face, luckily hidden by the face mask he always wore.
Alustina replied in a cheerful manner, â,¬Å"Well, come on then. Get your stuff together and letâ,¬,,¢s go. Oh, and we need to get Hurut and Korimel along the way.â,¬Â
***********
   As they finally exited Yenâ,¬,,¢s house on the outskirts of town, no thanks to his forgetfulness, the sun was beginning to set.  Alustina said, â,¬Å"Well, come on. If we hurry we can find Hurut and Korimel along before the sun goes down
[/spoiler]
Well, i took a good look at it finally and edited it. Ill have more up pretty soon.

Better (very much so), but I still don't know what the characters look like, besides their race.

Minor point: Spelling errors (tipical instead of typical), but I won't harp too much on this.

It is much better.  Writing in a program with spell check can help to.  If you want some other advice:

You want your writing to sound natural, too.  Almost no novelist or short story writer is going to use paranethesis, except maybe in metafiction.  I once had a professor that said anything worth saying was worth saying outright.  Other things can just be implied.

If you just start calling him "Yen" after referring to him in full, readers will know it's a nickname.

There are other ways you can make it feel more natural, too.

[ic]Voran Illezou woke from his late summer nap with a start.  The half-elf rose slowly as Yenemros "the Raging Half-Man" stomped through the leaves outside Lirun.

Voran shook his head at the other man. â,¬Å"As stealthy as ever, Yen. Anything happen?â,¬Â

"Shut it, Voran."  Yen shifted his feet.  "Yes, actually something did happen. Alustina says Marshal Runag wants us for some task."[/ic]
Obviously, there's more than one to word it, and practice helps.  As does re-writing, editting, and so forth.