The Campaign Builder's Guild

Of course I'm loving it. The last chapter or so, however, is reminding me quite strongly of Mieville's The Scar.

Quote from: JaercOf course I'm loving it. The last chapter or so, however, is reminding me quite strongly of Mieville's The Scar.

I'm glad I keep reminding people of stuff I've never read-- that means I'm hitting some of the formulas that have worked for these authors. ;)

The approach I'm taking is trying to write a story through characters, rather than about or with them.

Elven, this is great stuff.  If I had any criticisms of what I've seen so far, it is this - I would like to have seen the fall of Jack's loyalty in greater detail.  That's the kind of thing that interests me, a spotlight on the process of conversion, or perhaps I should say revelation.  We can be sure that he was tortured, but what did that torture do to him?  Is he still a loyal member of the Patriot Party, ready to forgive the error of his fellows?  Or is he beginning to perceive that he is the enemy of the state not because of his intentions but merely because the state has declared him to be so?  Or is something else at work in him?

Quote from: DeeLElven, this is great stuff.  If I had any criticisms of what I've seen so far, it is this - I would like to have seen the fall of Jack's loyalty in greater detail.  That's the kind of thing that interests me, a spotlight on the process of conversion, or perhaps I should say revelation.  We can be sure that he was tortured, but what did that torture do to him?  Is he still a loyal member of the Patriot Party, ready to forgive the error of his fellows?  Or is he beginning to perceive that he is the enemy of the state not because of his intentions but merely because the state has declared him to be so?  Or is something else at work in him?

Oh-ho, my good friend, do not jump to conclusions. Jack is on the ship with the crazy Greenies, he isn't yet part and parcel (nor has he subscribed) to their ideologies. This is actually the topic of the next few installments. ;)

*whips*

Go!

:P

Quote from: Raskolnikov On The Stairs*whips*

Go!

:P

I haven't forgotten about this, honest. I'm going to definitely have some more up sometime this week (maybe even today).

I also plan on getting some new Super-Carrot done.

:(

Eldo, I've just read this, thanks to a bump from Jaerc, and I agree with everything said so far. It's a fantastic piece, my only desire would have been a greater description of prison life. How is it that in as little as three weeks, he seemingly forgets his own name? An idea of the suffering he felt would have increased my connection.

Are you familiar with the social psychology experiments on social roles; enacted through a prison role-play by Zimbardo? In short the two-week experiment had to be cut off after six-days, due to how quickly and completley the prisoners and wardens (themselves being the candidates experimented upon) began to actually think of themselves as such.

Quote from: AllWillFall2MeEldo, I've just read this, thanks to a bump from Jaerc, and I agree with everything said so far. It's a fantastic piece, my only desire would have been a greater description of prison life. How is it that in as little as three weeks, he seemingly forgets his own name? An idea of the suffering he felt would have increased my connection.

The dehumanization and loss of identity were actually engendered through some very strenuous methods, which are only alluded to in the story. Starvation, sleep deprivation, light-based torture, isolation, dehydration, and a variety of other techniques--- employed for three weeks--- can, when combined, create severe mental and physical health problems. Obviously, the effects on Jack were not permanent, but I figured, for the purposes of the story and the development of the character, the description of the more sinister methods would be both unnecessary and almost distracting.

As for the reason I haven't updated, I apologize. I tend to make claims I can't support, and one of them is being able to update this story; I have the ideas, as well as a rough plan of where the story is going to go, but I haven't managed to make them "click," so to speak. Also, my schoolwork has been strenuous and demanding, and I haven't had a whole lot of time to pursue my urges to write for fun.

Hopefully, hopefully, HOPEFULLY, I will finish the story. Because it's one of my favorites, too.