The Campaign Builder's Guild

(Well darn; I had started a post, but I accidentally closed the window. Oh well, time to type it again)

The first thing I have to say is "Wow": you had me with the first paragraph. As I said earlier, this post will review the flavor and story elements of your setting; I'll do another one to comment on the mechanics.

Overview
[spoiler]Yes, I'm reviewing your overview. I am doing this because I want to give you some well deserved praise; again you hooked me with this paragraph alone. I especially like the fact that demons were spawned by man, and that they seemingly aren't a natural part of the cosmology. This is quite unique. The seemingly post apocalyptic feel is also appealing, as it seems you're doing it a little differently. The horrific feel, combined with possible heroics, really has me interested.[/spoiler]

Geography
[spoiler]There isn't much I can say here, except that the relatively "local" feel I get pleases me; it seems that you will have a much easier time developing everything because it is so much smaller than some worlds (especially my own).

Forltaw
[spoiler]Cool; I like the image of the spinal staircase that serves as a pass through the mountains. That's one huge demon, and I'd like to know how it was brought down. I also like the underground settlements. I'm seeing a theme with each region having a predominantly higher number of certain classes, and I think that will work for this world.[/spoiler]

Ivafrit
[spoiler]Wow, that mountain range was made by demons. This region seems to need some more development, though I'm sure you're pretty early into things (or you have things you haven't posted).[/spoiler]

Valemute
[spoiler]Just wondering how the water flows from the ocean, but doesn't seem to have any inland headwaters. I know the forest used to be a lake, so I assume that's where it would have originally came from, but something else has to be supplying it. Unless the river flows in from the ocean, which is possible (I believe there's a river in Australia that does so), but then it will be a salty river (unless the rocks and plants would have cleared it out by the time it reached inland). I do like the gorge; I'm seeing another pattern, that each region has some unique landmark. Fun.

I'm curious to know what's inside the gorge. As an adventurer, I'd head down with two immovable rods and see what's there. Very cool.[/spoiler]

Giris
[spoiler]So the forest is #1 on the list of very bad places. Are the trees themselves evil, since they were grown by demons? I'd like to hear more about this region, as it stands to have a lot of cool, and horrific, things.[/spoiler]

Riaaz
[spoiler]This area just screams for adventure; I'm intrigued and frightened to learn about what happened to this land, as each land got some sort of geological change. So along with Giris, this is a "big bad evil place".[/spoiler][/spoiler]

So far, so good. A question comes to mind, though: are you shooting for surprise scary or moody scary? It seems that you'd like to go for horror, but having roaming demons out destroying everything seems to lend itself more to action stories. Just curious, you may want to consider this.

I will come back to the races, as these are going to take a very thorough read through.

Quote from: supadupamanFirst off, nice title/logo for the world.  I gotta make me one of those.

Onto the real post...

A corrupted demonic world, huh? This looks like a really cool idea. I wanted to do a similar thing t one point and have a CS set on some other plane (abyss or limbo or that one with the floating cubes or whatever) but could never figure out how to make it work. I've only read the first bit so fr, but i'll add more to the post as i read further.

The Aerithids look really cool (aboleth was a cool idea for a base). not so sure about their racial abbilities. I know they have telepathy and a swim speed, but -4 con is a big penalty. many characters will only end up with a few hp each level.

The Avarin are neat and i like there abbilities a lot especially scentless (it's very cool but not game changing. just a touch to help them stand out)

The florians are a wicked idea (esp. the taking damage to make sounds. that's so unique), but having Immunity to poison, sleep effects, paralysis, polymorph, and stunning, 25% ignore criticals, and regeneration that increases with levels seems too much for no LA. As for the Unfurling abbility, I love it, it's so cool. No idea if it's balanced though since it's so differnet than any other standard abbilities.

Karnyr look cool (you have some creative ideas) and i love the idea of the mouth hands, but some of the abbilities seem like they would be too powerfrul (mostly just in the lover levels). Best example of this i think is the 1d10 breath weapon, unlimited times per day without any LA.

One general thing i noticed with your races is you really seem to favour tall races (6-8, 6-8, 7-10, 10-12!). Just wondering whether there was a concious reason for this, or did all your ideas just happen to be like that? Also, isn't medium size supposed to switch to large, somewhere around the 7-9 foot tall mark? (this may be wrong. i honestly don't remember)

I'll read more later and maybe just edit this post to add them all into one spot.
And these are all just my ideas at first glance, so ignore whatever you like.

and finally i present you with a few questions that Xeviat asked me in my CS that i think are definitely worth thinking about.

Quote from: Xeviat TranionFor what reason have you changed the roles of the normally primary races so much? This isn't an inworld question, but a design question: what are you hoping to gain out of this? (Not saying it's a bad thing, I just would like to know your reason, and thinking of the reason should help you better utilize it).

And most importantly: What is your goal with this setting? I'm assuming your changing a lot of assumptions for a reason; perhaps so players are more currious and questioning.

P.S. if you got some time, could you give me some C&C on my setting as well (link is in my sig)

Okay, let me answer these one by one:

Aerithid: Yes, they start with a very low Con modifier because they are, effectively, fish out of water. Those who play an Aerithid are looking at my most challenging (and in some ways, beneficial) race, and problems like the Con penalty are big things to overcome.

Florians do have a lot of abilities, and I primarily based their stats off of those of the Warforged. They are effectively balanced, primarily because their Inflicting Speech cancels out their Regeneration whenever they wish to speak to the party, and their Vulnerability to Fire makes them very easy targets for the most basic of spellcasters (and demons). I have noticed that all of my races are a bit on the high-powered side, but I say that if a Dwarf can have no LA, so can a Florian ^_^

Karnyr, while they possess very powerful abilities, do suffer some extreme drawbacks. For one thing, they can never wield a 2-handed weapon or two weapons at once. Also, the Burnmouth's attack, which is very powerful at low levels, eventually becomes a secondary weapon as their opponents grow in power. It's effectively a half-dragon's breath attack.

Actually, I didn't notice that my races are tall -- I selected them out of a large group of races which I have made in the past. I plan to add in a new race, called Hazelings, later tonight. Think of a small Nightmare ^_^


Aaaand I don't really see how I can even answer Xeviat's quoted question, as the only two races which I kept are Humans and Elves (with Elves being very much extinct).

Quote from: Xeviat Tranion(Well darn; I had started a post, but I accidentally closed the window. Oh well, time to type it again)

The first thing I have to say is "Wow": you had me with the first paragraph. As I said earlier, this post will review the flavor and story elements of your setting; I'll do another one to comment on the mechanics.

Overview
[spoiler]Yes, I'm reviewing your overview. I am doing this because I want to give you some well deserved praise; again you hooked me with this paragraph alone. I especially like the fact that demons were spawned by man, and that they seemingly aren't a natural part of the cosmology. This is quite unique. The seemingly post apocalyptic feel is also appealing, as it seems you're doing it a little differently. The horrific feel, combined with possible heroics, really has me interested.[/spoiler]

Geography
[spoiler]There isn't much I can say here, except that the relatively "local" feel I get pleases me; it seems that you will have a much easier time developing everything because it is so much smaller than some worlds (especially my own).

Forltaw
[spoiler]Cool; I like the image of the spinal staircase that serves as a pass through the mountains. That's one huge demon, and I'd like to know how it was brought down. I also like the underground settlements. I'm seeing a theme with each region having a predominantly higher number of certain classes, and I think that will work for this world.[/spoiler]

Ivafrit
[spoiler]Wow, that mountain range was made by demons. This region seems to need some more development, though I'm sure you're pretty early into things (or you have things you haven't posted).[/spoiler]

Valemute
[spoiler]Just wondering how the water flows from the ocean, but doesn't seem to have any inland headwaters. I know the forest used to be a lake, so I assume that's where it would have originally came from, but something else has to be supplying it. Unless the river flows in from the ocean, which is possible (I believe there's a river in Australia that does so), but then it will be a salty river (unless the rocks and plants would have cleared it out by the time it reached inland). I do like the gorge; I'm seeing another pattern, that each region has some unique landmark. Fun.

I'm curious to know what's inside the gorge. As an adventurer, I'd head down with two immovable rods and see what's there. Very cool.[/spoiler]

Giris
[spoiler]So the forest is #1 on the list of very bad places. Are the trees themselves evil, since they were grown by demons? I'd like to hear more about this region, as it stands to have a lot of cool, and horrific, things.[/spoiler]

Riaaz
[spoiler]This area just screams for adventure; I'm intrigued and frightened to learn about what happened to this land, as each land got some sort of geological change. So along with Giris, this is a "big bad evil place".[/spoiler][/spoiler]

So far, so good. A question comes to mind, though: are you shooting for surprise scary or moody scary? It seems that you'd like to go for horror, but having roaming demons out destroying everything seems to lend itself more to action stories. Just curious, you may want to consider this.

I will come back to the races, as these are going to take a very thorough read through.

I'm glad you liked the opening paragraph so much ^_^

As for the regions, yes, they are still early in development, and yes, they are built around each one possessing a larger group of specific classes then the other territories. This was primarily to help diversify the area, as well as make it easier for PCs to pick an area to start their char's background.

As for Twobridge, yes, it does flow in from the Kraken Ocean. If you look at the map, Twobridge flows from north to south, and is a salt water river.

In Giris, the trees have a very wicked eminance from them, but they themselves are not demonic in power. Some demons, however, do closely resemble trees, making Giris an extremely dangerous place.

I am shooting for all kinds of scary. Surprise scary is always fun, but there is a lot of emotional horror, as well. "In Irslindûr, it is sometimes better not to know what goes 'bump' in the night."

An interesting fact: because Riaaz has been eliminated many of the regions are without agricultural wealth. This is leading to a famine, which has resulted in humans eating the corpses of demons. By doing this, however, the demon flesh is corrupting and warping their very souls, and as a result the human's physical self begins to change. This is how the Demon Patrons, my 3rd base class (still under construction) are made.

Sorry I took so long to get back to this; life can be hectic sometimes.

Races
Again, like a few others, you've determined yourself to vastly change the races of your setting from the D&D standard. That's fine, as long as you're aware of your reasons and keep them in mind the entire time. They're all a little tall, but medium can go as high as 7 feet, so it wouldn't be a stretch to have a very lanky 8 foot tall creature still be medium if it moves haunched over.

Humans
Nothing new here. The different descriptions are good.

Aerithid
[spoiler]Wow, this is an interesting race. I'm assuming it isn't meant to be a PC race? I can't comment on the flavor of it very much; it is compelling and interesting though. Instead, I'll take a deep look at the mechanics.

â,¬Â¢ +2 Intelligence, -4 Constitution: Aerithids are smart and cunning, but their gilled bodies are very fragile and weak.
The -4 Con penalty seems very risky. I'd be worried about this.
â,¬Â¢ Monstrous Humanoid: Aerithids are not subject to spells of effects that affect humanoids only, such as charm person or dominate person.
Seems like they should be aberrations or outsiders if they're descended from aboloeth-like demons.

The rest seems reasonable. It would be very difficult to play one as anything other than a Psion, and even then that would be difficult with the huge Con penalty (in 25 point buy, they'd have to put their 14 there and they would still only end up with a 10). I'm not sure I'd play one, though. Again, it seems balanced, but I'd rather see this race redesigned with 2 racial hit dice and some physical ability score bonuses.[/spoiler]

Avarin
[spoiler]This race is cool, and pretty unique. I'm very confused by them being 7 to 10 feet tall and still medium; I'd suggest making them Large (you're already okay with them having a level adjustment, so it might not change too much).

â,¬Â¢ -2 Constitution, +2 Intelligence, +2 Wisdom, -2 Charisma: Avarins are highly intelligent and quick-minded, but their lack of bones makes them less hardy than other races and their erratic actions tend to get them into more trouble than out.
More Con penalties, yikes. Another race with will be spellcasters almost exclusively I think.
â,¬Â¢ Medium: As Medium humanoids, avarins have no special bonuses or penalties due to their size.
I'd really suggest making them large, what with being 7 to 10 feet tall.

After looking over the rest, I'd say you could make them large and they'd still be reasonably balanced as a +1 Level Adjusted race.[/spoiler]

Canus
[spoiler]I'm starting to see a trend with all of the demon-bred races. Is there a reason you're shying away from physical ability score bonuses? Otherwise I like this race too; well described will not falling into the common "anthro-dog" common-types.

â,¬Â¢ -2 Wisdom, +2 Charisma: Canuses have forceful or intimidating personalities, though their brash behavior can cause them to be ignorant.
Even though I think dog-humanoids should have some physical ability score bonuses, I like giving them a charisma bonus. I'm warry of low wisdom anthros, though, and I think you may want to consider an intelligence penalty (they're descended from dogs after all).
â,¬Â¢ A canusâ,¬,,¢ base land speed is 30 feet.
I'd say you could afford to make them a little faster; their only real bonus is scent; the others are minimal.
â,¬Â¢ Scent (Ex): A canusâ,¬,,¢ combination of a gnollâ,¬,,¢s animalistic senses coupled with a humanâ,¬,,¢s intelligence grants them the remarkable ability to track by sense of smell alone. A canus can detect opponents within 30 feet (double range if the scent is upwind, one-half range if it is downwind) and may take a move-equivalent action to determine the direction of a scent. If an odor source, such as an opponent, is within 5 feet, the canus can pinpoint that source. Canuses can use the scent ability to track an enemy by smell.
Many people will tell you that scent is too powerful for a PC at LA +0, but every druid and wizard has scent through their animal companion/familiar, so I find the arguement to be moot.

Boost up their land speed and I think you have a great race here.[/spoiler]

Florian
[spoiler]Ooh, a plant race. Very interesting.

â,¬Â¢ Plant Subtype (Ex): Florians are humanoids with the plant subtype. Florians are arguably more plant-like than human in composition, but they combine aspects of both plants and humanoids, as detailed below.
Can they be affected by spells as if they were a humanoid? I'd say it would be safer to make them the plant type and give them a "humanoid" subtype. As for being able to be affected by mind-affecting effects, I say immunity to mind-affecting effects should be tied to not having an intelligence score, not type, but that's just me.
â,¬Â¢ Medium: As Medium humanoids, florians have no special bonuses or penalties due to their size.
They can be as tall as 8 feet ... you may want to consider making them large.
â,¬Â¢ Inflicting speech: Florians are devoid of vocal chords, and in order to speak a language other than sign language they must strip vines in their upper chest cavities. They then rub the stripped vines together, forming words. Any florian speaking in this way deals 1 point of damage to himself, and 1 point of subsequent damage for every 25 words. All spells with verbal components are treated as if consisting of fewer than 25 words for this purpose.
Ouch ... that's just strange. Instead of taking damage, I'd have it require a move action to speak (and thus spellcasting would become a full round action). Also, counting words will get annoying; technically it should be based on syllables, because some words have a lot of syllables.
â,¬Â¢ Regeneration 1 (Ex): Slashing weapons and fire deal normal damage to a florian. If a florian loses a limb or body part, the lost portion regrows in 3d6 minutes. The creature can reattach the severed member instantly by holding it to the stump. When a florian reaches 5 HD this ability increases to Regeneration 2, and increases by 1 every 5 HD afterwards. For an example, a florian with 5 HD would have Regeneration 2, while a florian with 25 HD would have Regeneration 6.
At first I was really worried, but then I noticed that slashing dealt regular damage to them. Even still, this is really odd, and I probably wouldn't give this to a +0 LA race; regeneration, like fast healing, is very very powerful.

I really think they should be Large and have a +1 Level Adjustment at the least. Regeneration, even one as limited as this, is very potent in the hands of a PC. With weakness to slashing damage, they would most definately pick up a magic item that gave them DR/bludgeoning or piercing (to protect against slashing, the armor enhancement exists in Complete Warrior).[/spoiler]

Karnyr
[spoiler]Hand ... mouth ... that's creepy. Cool, but creepy.

â,¬Â¢ +2 Strength, +2 Constitution, -4 Intelligence: Karnyrs are very strong and thick-skinned, but they always prefer action over contemplation.
Might seem balanced, but it isn't really. Barbarians could care less about their intelligence. Perhaps boost the Int to -2 and add a -2 Dex penalty; that would be more balanced me-thinks.
â,¬Â¢ Karnyr Bloodline (Ex): All karnyrs have a specific bloodline traits which grant them one of the special abilities below.
I'll look at these one by one:
Why can't a dualtooth hold items? I can hold items in my mouth; probably not a weapon, but I can hold things.
I'd be very weary of the shiftfang ... I don't think that's balanced. Neither does the burnmouth look balanced if you're aiming for +0 LA; 1d10 damage in a 15 foot cone will take out  many CR 1/2 creatures, so goodbye swarm tactics.
â,¬Â¢ Trip (Ex): A karnyr that hits with a bite attack can attempt to trip the opponent as a free action without making a touch attack or provoking an attack of opportunity. If the attempt fails, the opponent cannot react to trip the karnyr.
Hold the phone ... this is absolutely not find on a +0 LA race.

I seriously think you need to reconsider this race's balance. It is absolutely not a +0 LA race, what with the trip ability and access to burnmouth or shifttooth. Give them some hit dice and it "might" be okay (and hit dice won't hurt warriors too much); problem is that Monstrous Humanoid hit dice aren't that bad, so they aren't worth very much in abilities.[/spoiler]

Orukk
[spoiler]Cool backstory. They sound more like an NPC race, or even a monster race, than a PC race though.

â,¬Â¢ +6 Strength, +2 Constitution, -4 Intelligence, -4 Charisma: Orukks are extremely strong and resilient, but their horrid transformation has left their intelligence stunted and their social skills permanently scarred.
Yikes; definately not good for a PC; very straight jacketted into certain roles.
â,¬Â¢ Savagery: Whenever an orukk has an Intelligence score of 5 or lower, it must make a Will save (DC 20) every round until its Intelligence score is restored to 6 or higher. If the save succeeds, the orukk behaves normally. If it fails, the orukk becomes entirely feral for the round and must attack the nearest creature (or close with the nearest creature if attack is not possible)
That's complicated, but flavorful. Definately not good for a PC character, though.
â,¬Â¢ Orukk Ferocity: When an orukk enters a rage or frenzy, it gains a bite attack. This attack deals 1d6 points of damage, scaling normally with size (see Table 5-1, page 296 of the Monster Manual), plus its Strength bonus. Alternately, an orukk can make a bite attack as part of a full attack as a secondary weapon with a -5 penalty on the attack roll (its other attacks take no penalty), but in this case it only adds half of its Strength bonus on damage.
Although this further forces this race into being a Barbarian, it is very very very cool.
â,¬Â¢ Soul Illumination (Ex): An orukkâ,¬,,¢s eyes continually shed the inner light of their souls, providing bright illumination out to 5 feet and shadowy illumination out to 10 feet in areas of nonmagical shadowy illumination or darkness. This ability only functions when the orukk has its eyes open, and thusly is not active while resting.
Interesting ...

They might be balanced, I'm not sure. I think they aren't suitable for PCs, though.[/spoiler]

Half-Orukk
[spoiler]This one seems much better; which may be fine (people don't typically play Orcs in standard games, but Half-Orcs are available). I know these aren't orcs, but they're going to end up filling similar roles.

This race is definately balanced; there's not much else I can say. I like the speed bonus, but you may find players complaining that this race isn't as powerful as others you have in the setting.[/spoiler]

Sarrun
[spoiler]That's a cool backstory for a reptilian race. This does make me question which classes you're going to use in your setting ...

â,¬Â¢ Venomous Saliva (Ex): Sarrun saliva is venomous, but only to others outside of their species, and even then only when it enters a wound. As a move action, a sarrun can envenom his melee weapon, a thrown weapon, or a piece of ammunition for a ranged weapon. Using this ability does not provoke attacks of opportunity. The Fortitude save DC of the venom is equal to 10 + 1/2 the sarrun's HD + the sarrun's Con modifier. The venom deals 1d4 points of Dexterity damage as its primary and secondary damage. While grappling, a sarrun can choose to inject his opponent with poisonous saliva instead of dealing damage. This can only be used when grappling a foe with an exposed open wound. The sarrun makes an opposed grapple check instead of an attack and takes a -4 penalty on the check. If he wins, he successfully applies the poison by spitting into the open injury.
Why can't they just bite while in a grapple? If their jaws are small like ours, I can understand them not biting in combat, but people can reasonably bite while grappling, so I think they could too. Unlimited poison is very powerful for a PC race, though.

Because of the poison, I don't think they're balanced. Maybe if you limit the amount of doses for their poison each day, they'd probably be fine.[/spoiler]

I've read the classes so far. I'd like to know which classes you'll offer, since I saw scout, psion, and samurai mentioned, I want to know which supliments and classes you're using. I'll be back soon to review the classes.

Dropping by just long enough to remind you of the old pantheon thread, whether or not you planned on using it.