The Campaign Builder's Guild

Hi there, i've been here awhile just observing, never really getting into making stuff of my own or even chimming in really. But i've decided to try and get something started, and I would like some critique if possible... The setting I am working on has a minor amount of oriental influence, and the religous system is an animism... The first race i've got down is a race of ratfolk.


EDIT: Fixed formatting issues.

The only thing I can see that *some* might see as a flaw, is that Dex and Int both apply to the same defense (Reflex I think), this can be seen as somewhat less useful in cases. Now I could be wrong my knowledge of 4e is rough at best, just a concern.

Otherwise it seems fairly well though out.

Yea I had thought it was a general rule not to do so, but I noticed that Eladrin have 2 scores that contradict themselves. Dex and Int, still I am thinking about changing the int to cha because I think they would be better as warlocks than wizards... I havn't decided yet though.

edit: I ended up changing it.

"Children of a long forgotten spirit, these wayward creatures work hard to live in a world that shuns them."

"'¢To be cautious and reserved, but having strong character and a pack mentality."

"Tenere are always closely watched even in the most open minded cities, and few allow them to reside in their communities. "

"They have a bad reputation with the other races, associated with thievery and deception"

Are you sure Charisma is the best choice? The seem a little "disliked" by others but probably make good friends (pack mentality). I suggest Wisdom, represends their old race nature, "streetwiseiness", and great at finding a way out of a problem (racial power). just a suggestion as Charisma does lend more to magic ability..

I don't know the rules so just going to ignore the mechanics...

Do Tenere have any towns/villages of their own? If not, do they live in other races' cities or wandering the wilderness? In the latter case you could consider giving them bit of a gypsy flavour, each pack moving from place to place drawing it's meager property along in a cart.

They have fur, do they wear clothes?

I was and still am seriously considering wisdom, because I myself didn't think it really fit. I just wasn't sure how the classes would fill out. But I suppose a few classes that fit them will fill under the wis score, and until I can get a shaman class worked out my shamans will just be clerics anyways.

 Also yea I was looking for a sort of gypsy type of race, since they don't really fit in in large numbers within cities. They aren't large enough of a race to really build cities so that kind of leaves them open too. I am thinking that most wouldn't wear clothing, but the rare wealthy Tenere might decorate himself with clothing. Those dwelling in the cities of other races might wear cloaks and other clothing to keep themselves concealed.

I love the racial power. Do these rat people live in sewers? Everything looks good about them right now, it just would be easier to visualize them with more information on their household lives, like where they live, how they live, and other minor details. These will come together to make the race seem more complete.

A very minor fix, but "plauge whiped" should be "plague wiped."

Welcome, glad to see you've decided to start posting. First off, I think I can really help you out with your setting. My own setting has an animistic religion with subtle eastern influences, so we're two of a kind. Second off, thank you for not naming your rat race "Rat" in a different language (unless you chose a language that I'm unfamiliar with, then congrats). 4E's still new, but 4E race design is my favorite part; it's simple, but somehow deep (due to racial feats).

Third, you can keep them +2 Dex/Int if that's how you envision them. Several races have stats on the same defense (Eladrin and Warforged are the examples right now). The way to balance this is that these races always get a +1 racial bonus to a defense to make up for their otherwise lower defenses; this defense bonus is not factored into the 'cost' of the race (that's why it looks like Eladrin have a bit more than other races).

Your race stats look good. I only have 4 complaints:
1) Since you changed the stats to +2 Dex/Wis, I think the racial Fort bonus is a bit much.
2) Great Ally is WAY to good. Not only does it make combat advantage effectively +4 to hit vs. AC for you, but it gives your allies +2 to hit vs. AC against the target. Since the name sounds like you want it to have it so when they have combat advantage against an enemy their allies have an easier time taking them down, then I'd word it like this: "Great Ally: When you make an attack against a target while you have combat advantage against the target, your allies get a +1 to hit bonus against them till the start of your next turn." It's still a very powerful ability, but it's more in line with bonuses I'd give out as a feat.
3) At first I thought Careful Retreat might be a bit weak. The Rogue 2nd level Utility "Tumble" is a move action that lets you shift half your speed, which protects you from OAs from everyone. Your power is a minor action that negates a foe's opportunity attacks against them for one round; in retrospect, your power has both more and less uses, so it's perfectly balanced. It would let you make a ranged attack in point blank range, while tumble wouldn't. Tumble's going to be better for moving, because the extra distance your power lets you move won't matter unless you're trying to move past a very large creature with extended reach.
4) +5 saves vs. Disease is almost worthless. Diseases call for Endurance checks to recover. You only make one save against a disease, and that's at the end of an encounter with a disease carrying monster. It has it's value, but I'm not certain that was exactly what you wanted. I'm going to assume +5 Endurance vs. Disease would be closer to what you wanted.

Lastly, I think you've given your race a few too many abilities. Lets compare it to the Halfling, since they're the same size:

[th]Halfling[/th][th]Tenere[/th][th]Comparison[/th]

+2 Dex/Cha	+2 Dex/wis	Even
Common +1	Common +1	Even
+2 Acrobatics/Thievery	+2 Theivery/Bluff	Even
+5 saves vs. fear	+1 Fort, +5 endurance vs. disease	Advantage(1)
+2 AC vs. OAs	Great Ally	Even
Second Chance	Careful Retreat	Even
-	+1 Speed	Advantage

1) Not only do you have +1 Fort, but +5 endurance vs. disease is more valuable than saves vs. fear; there are fewer fear effects that allow saves than diseases.

So, I believe you need to drop a couple of abilities. If you drop the +1 Fort and Great Ally (make great ally a feat), then it will be perfect.

Now, for fluff: While the general feel of the race is exactly what you'd expect against a rat-person (people don't trust them, they're typically thieves), you give great reasoning. I especially love how no spirits claim their creation, and how that creates their general outlook of feeling different.

Best still, your rat-person race is nothing like my rat-person race, but yours still makes perfect sense to me. Good job.

I've never bumped someone else's thread just to bump it, but I want to know what you think of my comments.