The Campaign Builder's Guild

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The couple had been walking through the zoo for some time. He a veteran keeper of some years and her an excitable girl, fascinated by his ability to handle animals. He had been showing her around for some time when she finally posed the quest that had been on her mind for some time. "Can you get us closer to the animals?" Her eyes were wide open with anticipation and she had one of those broad smiles that touched his heart so effectively. The zookeeper chuckled.

"Certainly, just stay close." His gait was easy as he led her over towards one of the cages. It was a simple metal bar affair, built to contain the chimpanzees that climbed and romped and otherwise did what chimpanzees do within a cage. Opening the enclosure the zookeeper stepped in and beckoned her to follow. "Don't worry, just stay close to me." Her steps were a bit unsure. Nevertheless, she continued onwards, encouraged by his steady voice.

Once the door was closed she took a look around and immediately lost all fear. Most of the chimps were swinging about, playing with each other. One off in the corner was eating a bit of banana and giving her toothy, monkey smiles. "See," the big man pointed at one of the creatures, "nothing to worry about, you respect and understand them and things will be fine," he smiled at her. She watched the chimpanzee in the corner finish his fruit and then amble on up for a closer view. His movements were unsure and slow, so she stayed as still as possible. The shaggy ape finally shored up his courage and ambled up to her. It gave a quick hoot and out of nowhere jumped at her face screeching bloody murder. The girl thought she was doomed, but quick as lightning the grizzled zookeeper whipped out a knife and slashed the monkey's palm. The creature grabbed it's hand, reversed direction, and ran off hollering and hooting.

The zookeeper grabbed the girl ever so gently and led her back out of the enclosure. She could feel herself shaking nervously at what had happened. "It's OK," his voice was soft and reassuring, "things like that happen, but I will never let anything hurt you." She just leaned against him, relishing the security. He walked them towards another enclosure. "Here let's start with something easier, it will help calm your nerves." They entered another enclosure, walking through the outer doors and into a cage filled with countless colored birds. The air was thick with the calls of the winged creatures.

She began to relax and for awhile they just stood there, him pointing out various types and her smiling and nodding at his shoulder. Finally after awhile one of the larger parrots flew down and landed on her shoulder. The girl was ecstatic to have such a beautiful bird so close. The bird for its part seemed almost uninterested in her. The big bird remained largely aloof while the couple chatted and pointed until off in the distance there was a crashing sound as one of the handlers knocked over a box. With a shriek the bird took to the air and swung around, aiming for the girls face. She screamed and threw her hands up. Yet, before the startled creature could reach her the zookeeper flicked up his knife and sliced the birds feet. It veered off, protesting all the way.

Once again he led her out, assuring her that it was just fine and that the animals must be worked up today. "Let's try one more today," he headed towards the aquarium with her hand in his, a reassuring look on his face. "This should be nice and calm, no worries at all." He walked her down a stairway and through a door. She found herself in a huge room with a pool of water filling the center. Up above they could make out the excited faces of schoolkids and the weary faces of their chaperons as the young ones gawked down into the pool. The girl smiled at the zookeeper and bravely approached the pool. Staring down into the water she noticed a rainbow of color. There were banded shrimp and striped guppies, there was even a lionfish, all speckled and spotted. And down in the bottom of the tank could be made out rows upon rows of bivalved shellfish. Most were small enough to fit in a palm, but she noticed several larger ones including one huge on e the size of her head. It was this one that moved. She almost laughed at it's silly locomotion, flapping it's shell as it floated closer to her. Then with a sudden splash of water it shot up to the surface and rotated towards her. Then with a lunge it latched onto her head, clamping tighter and tighter until she passed out.

Waking up in the hospital she was greeted by a familiar face. The zookeeper staired down at her. His smile was reassuring like always, though somewhat subdued by worry. "You are ok now, we were able to get the shellfish off you before anything serious happened. Though you certainly had me worried." She looked up at him slightly confused.

"Why didn't you use your knife on it, you could have easily knocked it away before it reached me," there was hurt in her voice.

The zookeeper, taking her hand in his, looked into her eyes and said "Frankly my dear, I don't shiv a clam."
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Happy April Fools day

Gone With the Waves?!

Once again its above me :P

I guess I'm morbid or just expect something darker from the community, but I was waiting for him to feed her to lions or something.

Hi. Posting and noting I read it. Interesting style, it reminds me of a certain author, but I can't remember which one. Were you modeling yourself after anyone in particular?

I can't say I'm a fan of the referential ending or the lack of real-world sense in the particular ending-it seemed to be just a set up for an interesting line; but the writing is solid especially since you set up the actual shivving at least.

The story could belong in a humour collection.

Quote from: Original PostHappy April Fools day

Reminds me of the "crossing sedate lions for immortal porpoises" one.  Good ol' fashioned shaggy dog humor.

... shiv a clam?

... give a damn?