The Campaign Builder's Guild

Ah ... I see. Well, as I have it now, I wasn't intending on having any actual racial mechanical differences between the different cultures, but I was going to have cultural bonuses (a few skill bonuses or weapon proficiencies, that sort of thing).

I could do things that way. It makes descriptions easier I think.

ARG! Having such a hard time with it. It's the opposite of writer's block. Really, all I need to boil it down to is what they look like and how they act, right? When a player decides on which they like, they can choose to read more in depth if they care to.

I don't want to get rid of what I already wrote; it's good and I'll need it for later. I just can't cut it down, it's making me anxious.

I think I did it. Tell me what you think. Is there anything else I can cut out, or does this all contribute to potential character ideas?

[ic=DWARVES]
Dwarves, the final creation of the Earth Dragon, inhabit the mountains of the world. They are industrious and knowledgeable and are widely known as great craftsmen. Dwarves generally prefer to face their difficulties head on. Stability and tradition are tenants of their lives, and they fight hard to maintain them.

Physical Description: Dwarves stand an average of 4 to 4 1/2 feet tall, but their broad girth means they weigh between 150 and 200 pounds, with dwarven females being larger than males. They have broad chiseled features: large slightly upturned noses, small eyes, and wide mouths, with slightly enlarged canines and small sharp teeth. Both Dwarven men and women grow ample and thick hair, with women growing thick locks and men growing full beards; their hair partially grows down their upper back and upper chest, creating something of a mane. They have distinct markings in their hair, creating streaks of differing color, as well as markings that flare out from their eyes along their face.

Dwarves are carnivores, though they grow grain to feed their livestock. They age a little faster than humans. They are children at 4 years, adolescents at 10 years, young adults at 13 years, and adults at 16 years, reaching middle age at 30, and are venerable at 50. Dwarves rarely live beyond 70. It is a common misconception amongst humans that dwarves live extensively long; this is due to male dwarves growing their beards at age 10 and their hair graying to a dull silver as early as 30 (their dark hair markings generally take longer to gray).

Personality: Dwarves are often seen as stubborn, greedy, and reserved, but these flaws can just as often be the virtues of reliability, thrift, and cautiousness. They make friends slowly, but once friendship is given it is almost impossible to lose. If they are slighted, they typically deal out a punishment, and then the slight is forgiven (though sometimes the punishment is death). Value is of utmost importance, so if there is nothing to gain from a given endeavor, it will generally not be undertaken. While they tend to be stoic and rational, they are well known for their bouts of rage.

Cultures: Most dwarves come from one of two cultures; the deep dwarves or the hill dwarves. Deep dwarves are the first dwarves. They are conservative and deeply religious. They still worship Tyrannon, the Earth Dragon, their creator. They are isolationist and independent; even amongst their own clans, families are independent from each other. Hill dwarves branched out when they left the deep citadels for a life near the surface close to humans. They are more progressive, with a deep sense of community. They are protective of their friends as well as their family. Hill dwarves have taken to the human religion Chivalry, especially the tenant of Courage.[/ic]

[ic=DEEP DWARVES]   
The first of the dwarves, deep dwarves reside under the Grand Spire mountains in central Krellshah. Their homes are built deep inside mountain caverns, which are beautifully and meticulously carved. They have less contact with the surface world, both protecting them from its dangers but cutting them off from its benefits. Deep dwarves are the most untrusting breed of dwarves.

Physical Description: Deep dwarves are shorter and heavier than other dwarves. Their eyes are light blue or white, their hair is black (with rare brown and red) with paler markings, and their skin is a deep to grayish brown with tan markings flaring out from their eyes. Their clothes tend to be modest and simple. Their clothes are typically made of animal skins, although the wealthy wear imported cloth and silk. Dwarven craftsfolk favor wearing jewelry of their own creation, but their disdain of excessiveness generally has them wear only a single piece of jewelry at a time; this allows them to show their skill and wealth in a single stroke without being ostentatious.

Culture: Deep dwarves place vast importance on honor and tradition in all aspects of life. Society is divided into professional castes, with only warriors and priests having real mobility. Individual families strive to profit by trading their excess with other families. Love is a non-issue for deep dwarves; marriages are organized to benefit families, and are kept together out of loyalty and honor. Females and males both work for their families, but females work within the family while males work outside. Settlements are typically a single clan (though Citadels are composed of many clans), and each clan is lead by a monarch. Power changes are rare, but they are swift to dispose an unfit ruler. They are distrustful of outsiders, but are forced to trade for food, making them cold and shrewd traders. They are deeply religious, both worshipping their creator Tyrannon and the spirits of their ancestors and the earth around them; their religion isn't dogmatic, rather it is focused on honoring and pleasing the spirits to receive blessings and guidance.

Names: Deep dwarves possess one name, given to them at birth, decided by the elders of their family and approved by elders of the clan (great care is taken to not repeat the name of great heroes or villains in their past, lest it color the dwarven child's destiny). Instead of possessing a family name, as humans do, deep dwarves generally refer to themselves as the child of their father or mother, and also the child of any great dwarves in their ancestry. Their clan also serves as an additional name, although the clan's name is the clan's founder's name. A typical dwarven name for a dwarven man might be "(name), son of (father's name), son of (family hero), of clan (founder's name)." Names, and the history and tradition they represent, are very important to dwarves.

Adventurers: Deep dwarven society possesses a great amount of structure and duty, where every dwarf has their place; thus, average dwarves rarely take up the life of an adventurer. Typical dwarven adventurers are warriors sent out on specific missions, dwarves from fallen families or clans trying to rebuild their family or clan honor, or dwarves who simply didn't fit in with typical society.[/ic]

[ic=HILL DWARVES]   
The hill dwarves separated from the other dwarves at the same time the humans defeated the giants. While the deep dwarves dug into the mountains and closed their citadel doors to hide from the giants, the hill dwarves battled the giants and forced them further into the mountains; they then built a wall to hold them back. They settled into the mineral rich hills, and brought the knowledge of mining and metalworking to the new land. Rather than burrowing into the hillside and building a subterranean home, the hill dwarves chose to remain largely on the surface, and built strong relations with the local humans. They are less devoted to tradition and honor than other dwarves, and have instead developed a sense of community which extends to their friends and allies.

Physical Description: Hill dwarves are slightly taller and considerably leaner than other dwarves. Their eyes are generally green, their hair is blonde or red with black markings, and their skin is a deep earthy brown with darker markings. They dress much like the Holylands humans, except their clothes are lighter and they don't favor coats. Common fashion encourages hill dwarves to keep their hair trim and well kept, unlike the wild manes of deep dwarves. Even when not on duty, or when retired, hill dwarves from the military are fond of wearing their badges and awards at all times. A well crafted sidearm is as fashionable as jewelry for other races.

Culture: Hill dwarven society is centered upon the community; everyone works for the community and the community provides for everyone. A monarch rules over their entire nation, but elected representatives lead each settlement. Families are matrilineal, but beyond living relatives only the community matters. Although most are free to move into any profession, all young adults are required to participate in the military for two years. Aside from expectant and nursing mothers, there is little societal differentiation between males and females; the only difference is during wartime, where males leave to fight and females remain to defend. Pragmatism puts little value on art, relegating them to the status of a hobby, except amongst the clergy; most hill dwarven art is religious in nature. Hill dwarven religion is a mixture of ancestral worship and the Holylands humans' tenants of chivalry (especially courage, since a hill dwarf once wielded the Gold Knight's sword). The clergy have little political influence, though their templar make up the elite forces of the military.

Names: A hill dwarf has three names. First, a personal name given to them by their parents on their first birthday; before that, they are referred to simply as 'child', 'son', or 'daughter'. Second is the name of their mother. Third is the name of their home. A typical hill dwarven name is (personal name), son of (mother's name), of (place). Upon marriage, a male hill dwarf replaces 'son of (mother's name)' with 'husband to (wife's name)'. In large towns and cities, a hill dwarf's mother's name is replaced with a family name, which is typically the name of a former head of the family.

Adventurers: Hill dwarf adventurers are frequently on quests that relate directly to their community. Although their travels may take them far from home, the memory of their home is never far from their thoughts. They typically see their adventuring companions, even those who are non-dwarves, as part of their family, and often expect the same treatment in return. Some hill dwarves were too greedy and focused on personal gain for polite society, so they leave to find their fortunes else where. The quest to find the Gold Knight's sword is of particular importance to chivalrous hill dwarves, as they believe it is their destiny to wield it again.[/ic]

Sometimes you use the plural "dwarves" and sometimes you use the plural "dwarfs". It's probably worth doing a find-and-replace so that you're consistent. (Or making a note that either plural is acceptable and correct according to dwarven grammarians, or something.)

Also, you have some inconsistencies in heading hierarchy that you may want to address. ("Deep Dwarves" is smaller than "Hill Dwarves", I note. I'm sure the Deep Dwarves would not be pleased to know this.)

I think you could reduce "Wall of Text Syndrome" here without cutting any more information.

Try this on: move everything under "Deep Dwarves" to a different page/chapter/setting, and move everything under "Hill Dwarves" to an additional different page/chapter/setting.

Now, your entire entry for Dwarves is three medium-short paragraphs, which is just right for players who want to browse and get the feel for your races.

At the end of those three medium-short paragraphs, add the following sentences: "There are two main nations of dwarves: the Deep Dwarves, who live in isolated-but-beautiful caves of stone beneath the Grand Spire, and the Hill Dwarves, who bring the earth's riches to the surface where they can better supervise the wall they've built to ward off their ancient enemies the giants. Most dwarven adventurers come from one of these two cultures." Provide links to both pages in these sentences, so that your readers know about both cultures, get a tiny taste of what each is about, and know where to go to read more.

That way, you don't end up with a wall of text, you end up with a couple of trails of tasty breadcrumbs, leading your readers where you want them to go.

Formatting issues aside, did you have any thoughts on the entries themselves?

The text size thing was just because I had to add tags here and copy/pasted wrong. The "dwarfs/dwarves" thing was because I was using "dwarves" and recently started using "dwarfs" because I found out that's actually how you pluralize it.

As for the "wall of text syndrome", I don't think it will be an issue because there is a stat block after the race and after each culture. I left them out simply because they weren't necessary to reviewing the text itself.

Do you really think it would be best for the race and cultures to be on separate pages? In a book, I'd find that irritating, but on a website (as I'll be presenting it), that might be fine.

Quote from: sort ofIf you are talking about the real-world phenomenon of human beings with dwarfism, "dwarves" is incorrect and "dwarfs" is gramatically correct (though maybe less politically correct than, say, "little people".)

Conversely, if you're talking about mythical creatures, you have all sorts of options. "Dwarves" is by far the most commonly used (blame Tolkien, I guess, who did a great deal to help popularize it), but the archaic English plural version of "dwarf" is actually "dwerrow", which I think is delightful.

Honestly, English is a stupid language with regards to pluralization (and other issues). Pluralize "leaf". Now, pluralize "knife". Now, "dwarf". If Tolkien preferred the V pluralization because he thought the F pluralization was inconsistent and clunky, I'm right there with him.[/spoiler]

QuoteDo you really think it would be best for the race and cultures to be on separate pages? In a book, I'd find that irritating, but on a website (as I'll be presenting it), that might be fine.

I'm always surprised to find out how much more formatting leeway you have in a wiki or a website. I think it'd work well to separate things (and in general it does, since in an online format, you're essentially giving readers the liberty to easily read the same material in whatever order they choose).

Quote from: Luminous Crayon

Quote from: Luminous CrayonIf Tolkien preferred the V pluralization because he thought the F pluralization was inconsistent and clunky, I'm right there with him.

You know, I'm inclined to go with you there. Screw spell-check; "fs" is a difficult mouth movement anyway (and having dwarfs and elves side by side feels inconsistent). You're right, consider it changed.

Oh, spell-check was rejecting "dwarves"? Yeah, mine was, too, so I just added it to the dictionary. I know it's correct, after all. :yumm:

QuoteThe main questions are:
- Did I cut it down well?
- Does it give you a clear enough picture to come up with a character?
- Are there any other questions you have that you would like answered here?

not[/b] to play a dwarf.)

Mention of the Earth Dragon/Tyrannon raises some questions, but I assume there's another page/article/chapter for that entity? (Likewise with the Gold Knight.)

Also, I know it's a problematic request, but in light of your slightly unorthodox physical descriptions of dwarves, I'd really, really like to see some illustrations. (But hey, I know that's often not possible/feasible. No worries.)

I've got two artists working on racial design for my setting. It's free, so they don't have deadlines or anything, but there will be art eventually. I want art before I get my website up.

I'm glad you like the dwarves. Any recommendations on which race I should work on next? I'm inclined to be alphabetic (so Elves), but here's the list:

Elves
Halflings
Humans
Ifriti
Tritons
Valkyries

Hmm... I honestly don't know. I usually find elves kind of lackluster, so I don't know whether to vote for them (to see what you do with them) or against them (because blah, seriously).

Are ifriti/tritons/valkyries more or less what any Mythology 101 student would expect them to be, based on the names?

Ifriti are fire aligned reptiles. Jungle dwelling or desert dwelling. Big, strong, warrior cultures. The strong rule, rather chaotic (no huge honor code, that's dwarves).

Tritons are water aligned amphibians. Some live on islands, others live on ships and boat-towns. They are cunning, have little to no gender identity, and have an odd mixture of democracy and independence.

Valkyries are air aligned birds (technically griffins in my setting). Matriarchal (males are only born 1 in 10 eggs), semi-migratory. Their warriors sell themselves out as mercenaries in times of peace.

Just a bump here. Getting started on my Tritons. I'll have a race thread up soon which will house these. Or I'll start working on my wiki page here.