Phaedorás: Book of Kyobazu <<Discussion>>

[Raelifin]

I did. And this is only a tiny corner of the world. In fact, that brings up a good point: Phaedoras is too big.

If I continue to add culture after culture and bloodline after bloodline, the setting will be too big and too dense to be interesting. It's natural to want to pick a "main character" to a story, and the totwimi are too much the focus of my presentation. By the time I get to the Pokobru you'll all be dead, and bored to boot. Thus I am going to re-release my active notes (see CBGuide #6 editorial) as a series of "Books" which will each cover a distinct geographic region. The Books of Phaedoras will not have any order, and can be read in whichever order the audience desires.

The first will be "Phaedoras: The Book of Kyal-Yobazu Nobanu" and will be a bunch of copy-paste.


Objections? Ideas? Comments?

EDIT: And I'm thinking of changing Kyal-Yobazu Nobanu to be Kyobazu Nobanu or simply "Kyobazu" to make it easier.

[LordVreeg]

[blockquote=Raelifin]Known worldwide for their shipcraft, totwimi vessels are massive and far beyond their time. Able to sail for weeks without docking, totwimi ships are more like nomadic villages than transportation. Each ship, in the eyes of the totwimi, is the home for a single usana a word that is synonymous with both family and crew. Totwimi are born on ship as part of an usana and many totwimi continue to live on the ship with the same usana until death.[/blockquote]
when you say 'far beyond their time', do you mean far before their time, or far ahead of their time?
And should we have a comma here?
 is the home for a single usana, a word that is synonymous with both family and crew.

and so the concept here is that these people actually live on these ships as homes, stopping into ports, but migrating with their ships.  very cool.
[blockquote=raelifin]otwimi ports are often the result of ships hiding repeatedly at prime locations, as totwimi will often stay docked for days rather than risk destroying all they hold dear. Because of the difference between a strong tailwind and a typhoon, the totwimi spend much time and energy trying to please Khovas, the king of wind spirits and master of storms. Khovas, while feared, is deeply respected and usually portrayed as benevolent when not angered. It is said that in an age long past Khovas gave the totwimi sails so that they might explore the world in his name. An anima, or spirit lord, Khovas is one of five great spirits that are recognized by the totwimi worldwide. Kamawuni, oddly enough, is not said to be an anima, but is instead revered as something akin to a goddess, for it is with her that life began.[/blockquote]
I love this whole paragraph.  I love the combination of the logic of ports coming into being where ships dock regularly, mixed with the mythic Master of Storms, and how it affects everyday life.

[blockquote=Raelifin]As the adutaranae came closer, Kin greeted it and made a proposition. "I see how strong and mighty you are, old one, but you are not yet the biggest beast. You are wise and mighty and I cannot trick you, so I must offer you a trade. I come from a strong and mighty family and each of my brothers has grown up to be healthy and tall, and yet I myself have not yet grown to my full height. If you free me from this cell, I will give you the size I am due, for I prefer to be small and inconspicuous." The adutaranae, pleased at this notion, charged the prison and shattered it with his mighty skull, freeing Kin. In a rare show of honesty, Kin gave up his strength and size to the adutaranae, which even today towers above all else. Kin then ran off into the jungle, never to be captured again by another living thing[/blockquote]

This is my other favorite paragraph in this 'book'.  Kin becomes more three dimensional here, with the dialogue and at the sme time the mythic quality of this tale grows with it.  I'd try change the double use of the word 'mighty', maybe to 'strong and powerful'.  and please note that I am only mentioning this because your stuff is obviously written to be read, as opposed to a thread written to get an idea or concept across.

[blockquote=Raelifin]By the time I get to the Pokobru you'll all be dead, and bored to boot. [/blockquote]
I think you've hit upon the right way to present this.  You've certainly got me looking.

[Raelifin]

And should we have a comma here?
"...is the home for a single usana, a word that is synonymous with both family and crew."

As the adutaranae came closer, Kin greeted it and made a proposition. "I see how strong and mighty you are, old one, but you are not yet the biggest beast. You are wise and mighty and I cannot trick you, so I must offer you a trade. I come from a strong and mighty family and each of my brothers has grown up to be healthy and tall, and yet I myself have not yet grown to my full height. If you free me from this cell, I will give you the size I am due, for I prefer to be small and inconspicuous." The adutaranae, pleased at this notion, charged the prison and shattered it with his mighty skull, freeing Kin. In a rare show of honesty, Kin gave up his strength and size to the adutaranae, which even today towers above all else. Kin then ran off into the jungle, never to be captured again by another living thing[/blockquote]

This is my other favorite paragraph in this 'book'.  Kin becomes more three dimensional here, with the dialogue and at the sme time the mythic quality of this tale grows with it.  I'd try change the double use of the word 'mighty', maybe to 'strong and powerful'.  and please note that I am only mentioning this because your stuff is obviously written to be read, as opposed to a thread written to get an idea or concept across.[/quote]By the time I get to the Pokobru you'll all be dead, and bored to boot. [/blockquote]
I think you've hit upon the right way to present this.  You've certainly got me looking.[/quote]http://www.thecbg.org/e107_files/public/1164939939_9_FT22019_happy.png[/img]

[Tybalt]

Will there be a more detailed map at some point? Also I'd like at some point to see a clearer idea of what the ships are like.

[Raelifin]

In the old one-thread setup I had descriptions of the islands and the various cities on them along with a general description of a totwimi latoe (ship). Both of these will be added to the new "book" soon. (Old posts can still be found at the bottom of the intro thread)

In terms of pictures, I doubt I'll do a more detailed map. I've never been comfortable doing detailed maps of Phaedoras, as I feel it is likely to reduce the feeling of size and mystery. There are also only 5-6 points of interest on that map anyway, so "more detail" wouldn't be all that much cooler.

As for a picture of a ship, I'd love to have one. My skills as an illustrator are horrible, so I don't typically draw much for the world, but if you'd like I'll sketch up some stuff in my free time.
Also, if I eventually find myself with millions of dollars, I'll be sure to hire a professional artist to do totwimi portraits, illustrations of ships, a picture of the abarax, a landscape of Thitae and all the other images bouncing around in my skull.

[LordVreeg]

[blockquote=Raelifin]Though most of them live in Kyobazu, modern totwimi can still be found nearly worldwide.[/blockquote]
That's some spread.  

[blockquote=Raelifin]Thanks to frequent contact between ships, totwimi culture remains fairly uniform. Each ship tends to develop a sub-culture with unique customs and traits, but the totwimi have a strong sense of brotherhood with their bloodline, and rarely isolate themselves from each other. Another safeguard that prevents ships from forming new cultures are the laws of marriage. Because of strong community ties, it is forbidden to marry someone of the same usana (crew). Strangely enough, it is also forbidden to marry one who is NOT of the same ship. Whenever a ship is boarded peacefully, for whatever reason, it is required that the youngest unwed woman of the boarding ship called the "usadipaishaini" (oosah-DEE-pie-shie-nee) is traded with the youngest unwed man of the receiving ship called the "usadipaishainoe." The ritual symbolically bonds the ships, as the two are expected to kiss and embrace each other as brother and sister and thereafter they are treated as siblings in most respects. As part of the new usana, the "sibling" is given every comfort of family and are expected to marry as soon as possible. Because of this custom, most totwimi marry shortly after adulthood, or are expected to marry usadipaishainae later in life. Regardless of gender, the captain of a ship (kojintae) is exempt from trading. On occasion, because of undesirable traits or a lack of interest, an usadipaishainae can be traded several times, hopping from ship to ship.[/blockquote]
I laughed and enjoyed this paragraph a lot.  I kind of had the feeling that within their primary sphere of influence the Totwini ran into each other a lot, while ships that ply the outskirts much less.  SO the intra-Usani taboo throws that into a bit of difficulty.  But I can see far ranging ships seeing this as a holiday, while less circumlocative ships less so.


[blockquote=Raelifin]For usana, this can actually be quite amusing, as two totwimi may be sitting together, yet they never look at each other at the same time, always turning away after talking to keep the other in peripheral vision. When addressing multiple omaku, totwimi will either look at each in turn or pick a neutral area between subjects to speak into--often the sky.[/blockquote] I enjoyed this look into the social habits and interactional dynamic.  In our own world, habits are becoming more and more uniform, but I ran into an article from the 1920's about the same subject, and it went into the major differences of greeting rituals.  It was fascinating, and so was this little bit from you.

I also enjoyed your use of an insult as a penetrating view as to the relationship taboos.  The physical descriptino was very visual, and the descriptor as to wealth was nice.  Obviously, this is a culture that trades for a great deal, such as metalwork and precious metalwork.  
Can I tell you how much I loved the food part?  I have spent a lot of time working on the diets and food preferences of my world, as well as the list of beverages (sadly, too much time spent on the 14 major vineyards), so the descriptions of the foods were great.  I imagine the kelp-stuff ssomehow replaces the vitamin C?

[Raelifin]

Though most of them live in Kyobazu, modern totwimi can still be found nearly worldwide.[/blockquote]
That's some spread.

Thanks to frequent contact between ships, totwimi culture remains fairly uniform. Each ship tends to develop a sub-culture with unique customs and traits, but the totwimi have a strong sense of brotherhood with their bloodline, and rarely isolate themselves from each other. Another safeguard that prevents ships from forming new cultures are the laws of marriage. Because of strong community ties, it is forbidden to marry someone of the same usana (crew). Strangely enough, it is also forbidden to marry one who is NOT of the same ship. Whenever a ship is boarded peacefully, for whatever reason, it is required that the youngest unwed woman of the boarding ship called the "usadipaishaini" (oosah-DEE-pie-shie-nee) is traded with the youngest unwed man of the receiving ship called the "usadipaishainoe." The ritual symbolically bonds the ships, as the two are expected to kiss and embrace each other as brother and sister and thereafter they are treated as siblings in most respects. As part of the new usana, the "sibling" is given every comfort of family and are expected to marry as soon as possible. Because of this custom, most totwimi marry shortly after adulthood, or are expected to marry usadipaishainae later in life. Regardless of gender, the captain of a ship (kojintae) is exempt from trading. On occasion, because of undesirable traits or a lack of interest, an usadipaishainae can be traded several times, hopping from ship to ship.[/blockquote]
I laughed and enjoyed this paragraph a lot.  I kind of had the feeling that within their primary sphere of influence the Totwini ran into each other a lot, while ships that ply the outskirts much less.  SO the intra-Usani taboo throws that into a bit of difficulty.  But I can see far ranging ships seeing this as a holiday, while less circumlocative ships less so.[/quote]For usana, this can actually be quite amusing, as two totwimi may be sitting together, yet they never look at each other at the same time, always turning away after talking to keep the other in peripheral vision. When addressing multiple omaku, totwimi will either look at each in turn or pick a neutral area between subjects to speak into--often the sky.[/blockquote] I enjoyed this look into the social habits and interactional dynamic.  In our own world, habits are becoming more and more uniform, but I ran into an article from the 1920's about the same subject, and it went into the major differences of greeting rituals.  It was fascinating, and so was this little bit from you.

I also enjoyed your use of an insult as a penetrating view as to the relationship taboos.  The physical descriptino was very visual, and the descriptor as to wealth was nice.  Obviously, this is a culture that trades for a great deal, such as metalwork and precious metalwork.  
Can I tell you how much I loved the food part?  I have spent a lot of time working on the diets and food preferences of my world, as well as the list of beverages (sadly, too much time spent on the 14 major vineyards), so the descriptions of the foods were great.  I imagine the kelp-stuff ssomehow replaces the vitamin C?[/quote] I'm glad you enjoyed the food descriptions. I hope to supplement these books with encyclopedic entries on interesting bits that aren't needed, such as oral tales, food preferences, language, etc.

Shakinu is high in Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Iron and Potassium, so yes, it's a very important part of the totwimi diet (at least at sea).
(Though the fish make up for low iron anyway.)

[LordVreeg]

[blockquote=Raelifin]I'm glad you enjoyed the food descriptions. I hope to supplement these books with encyclopedic entries on interesting bits that aren't needed, such as oral tales, food preferences, language, etc.

Shakinu is high in Vitamin A, Vitamin C, Iron and Potassium, so yes, it's a very important part of the totwimi diet (at least at sea).
(Though the fish make up for low iron anyway.) [/blockquote]

I actually use an access daatbase for almost everything, and I have a relatively new one that is about 'items;, normally used for poisons,precious metals (Venovlian steelsilk, as an example).  It would do really well for your encyclopedic plans, if you don't sue a database already.

[Raelifin]

I'm enjoying the claritiy of the linear format for the time being, and my glossary is small enough that it can be a single thread. If it gets too big, I'm most likely create a wiki, as I feel it helps connect components.