[Forum Game] Crush My Wishes

[Loch Belthadd]

Granted! when the bus broke down one of the egyptians stabed you repeatedly in the abdomen with a rusty shard of metal until you died painfully.

I wish I could speak german.

[Knight of Ravens]

Granted! However, your accent and inflection draw the attention of the Simon Wiesenthal Foundation, who believe you to be a Nazi war criminal they've been looking for for decades.

I wish I were a god, adored by millions.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted! However, you are now known as Pire - God of Fleas and are thusly worshiped by millions of fleas as their one true god.

I wish I could find my gameboy!

[Knight of Ravens]

Granted! You find it alright, but Demogorgon's using it right now. Feel free to ask him for it back.

I wish I could tear myself away from wish-crushing to get back to my setting.

[Loch Belthadd]

Granted! you tear yourself away, only to find that all your notes were deleted/eaten by a dog/burned/destroyed.

I wish I could stitch a campaign together from my many separate notes.

[Kindling]

Granted. It sucks.

I wish the moon was habitable and easily accessible as a holiday destination.

[Loch Belthadd]

Granted! You go there and are hit by a meteor, and fall into a coma for 20 years. You awake to find that you were charged at your moon hotel for a 20 year stay because you never checked out.

I wish my campaign didn't suck.

[Knight of Ravens]

Granted! But now it looks like mine (which doesn't suck, even if it's probably less complete than yours), and I beat you down for your hubris. ;)

I wish I were stunningly irresistible to women.

[Kindling]

Granted. You are irresistible to women. Just, not in the way you might have imagined (i.e. the way that I am irresistible to women :P). You quickly find yourself being pursued by a slavering horde of cannibalistic females, all hungering for your "irresistible" flesh.

I wish the truth could be found at the bottom of the glass.

[Stargate525]

Granted. The bottom of the glass is a similie, referring to after all supplies of glass have been exhausted.

I wish people would stop making such a big deal about Obama.

[Elemental_Elf]

[spoiler=My answer to Kindling before Stargate ninja'd it from me]Granted! However you find the truth to be so enlightening, so profound that rather than share it with others you instead horde it. Slowly the truth becomes precious to you; you move into a distant cave and live out your days speaking in tongues and riddles until you eventually die, alone and grotesque.

I wish I had studied my Spanish more!  [/spoiler]

Granted! However Obamamania returns in 4 years, thus letting you relive your personal hell all over again.

I wish Stargate hadn't ninja'd me!!!1!!!!!one!!!!eleven!!!!

[Knight of Ravens]

Granted! However, a clan of half-dragon minotaur ninjas finds out that you're such an easy target, and is lurking in the shadows, waiting for its chance to strike.

I wish I were a half-dragon minotaur ninja.

[Kindling]

Granted. You're hideous due to the combination of monstrous features, and your lumbering size, for the most part, negates any skill at stealth or finesse fighting your ninja training may have imparted. In short, you're a freak.

I wish to meet at least one of my heroes before I die.

[Knight of Ravens]

Granted! Your hero kills you with a rusty beer can, then lets the insulted half-dragon minotaur ninjas beat your corpse into a bloody pulp.

I wish GRRM would finish A Dance with Dragons right now!

[Stargate525]

Granted. It was a lovely polka, very well executed.

I wish for a quarter.