[Forum Game] Crush My Wishes

[Kindling]

Granted. You died a hero's death. It was also a very painful, slow death.

I wish my oven would cook jacket potatoes quicker.

[Ninja D!]

Granted.  From the time they are placed in the oven you have exact 1/100 of a second to remove them.  That is when they will be ideally cooked.  From there they can only get burned.

I wish to sleep more and get more done in the same amount of time.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted! As your potatoes cook, they spontaneously become sentient and put on leather Jackets, emulating their god the - Fonz. However, your oven cooks them more quickly, thus baking them in a gross, disturbing, inhumane way. You have killed the only other sentient race ever to evolve on Earth, thanks.

I wish Dwarves and Elves and Halflings were real.

[sparkletwist]

Granted! They band together in a conspiracy to kill all humans. Thanks a lot.

I wish that something good would happen as a result of this wish. To me. Without something bad happening to someone else. At all. Anywhere. Ever. Please?

[SDragon]

Granted. You gain all of the money in the world. In pennies, which crush you to death. Having lost all currency, the rest of the world quickly learns the pointlessness of material wealth, and reaches perfect blissfulness. They're so happy, in fact, that nobody mourns your death. At all. Anywhere. Ever.

I wish I had a new soundcard,  so that I wouldn't have to be stuck with onboard audio. The soundcard, of course, has to be of better quality then my onboard audio.

[Nomadic]

Granted, a transhumanist doctor implants it in your skull. Now you can listen to and song you think of anywhere you want. Too bad the only song you can think of is midnight at the oasis.

I wish I had enough money to get a Ruger 10-22

[limetom]

Granted.

The Ruger 10/22 immediately is discontinued and prices jump.  You can no longer buy one.

I wish I had more free time.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted! You are liberated from time and exist in an alternate universe where nothing exists save yourself. You have all the free time you desire.

I wish I could become a Super Saiyan but not have to work for it, you know just sort of spontaneously become one.

[Nomadic]

Granted, you become a super saiyan. However, you are the weakest one in existence and can be easily defeated by a small girl.

I wish I had a cookie.

[Ninja D!]

Granted.  The cookie is made of plastic.

I wish the show I was going to go to tonight hadn't sold out.

[Acrimone]

Granted.  Your best friend calls to tell you that he's got a line on two tickets and he can't wait to take that girl you can't stand, and could you loan him $30 so he can get them before they go.

I wish more people played VTES (Jyhad).

[sparkletwist]

Granted! Two more people now play it. They play it with each other, exclusively. They have no interest in playing it with you.

I wish my dinner was ready for me to eat instead of me still having to cook it.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted! Its called McDonalds!

I wish I could interpret sunrises the way Legolas did in Lord of the Rings II.

[Steerpike]

Granted!  Unfortunately staring at so many sunrises has permanently ruined your sight, rendering your divinatory abilities useless.

I wish I could speak and write Latin fluently so I wouldn't have to study for my upcoming exam.

[Loch Belthadd]

Granted! but you forget every other language you know.

I wish my flash drive had 1 terabyte on it and was the same size it is now.