[Forum Game] Crush My Wishes

[Stargate525]

Granted! You live as a houseplant for a poor British family, and quickly die from lack of water.

I wish I had never messed with Stargate.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted. However Stargate is still canceled and will never come back

I wish I were Captain Jack Sparrow!  

[Stargate525]

Granted! you are, unfortunately, one of his insane doubles, and spend an eternity locked within his mind unable to affect anything.

I wish I was the most brilliant person on earth.

[Haphazzard]

Granted.  You're so brilliant that your ideas are thousands of years ahead of modern day technology.  Due to this, the world shuns you and your ideas.  You lock yourself away in a basement as madness eats away at you.  Finally, you succumb to the voice in your head that's screaming "BURN IT!" and you and all your ideas are forever destroyed.

I wish politics were uncorruptable.

[Jharviss]

Granted.  Now, every politician attempts to solve problems exactly as they feel they should, and for some time the world appears to be becoming a utopia.  Politicians, now seen as grand leaders, become heroic figures working together to solve the world's woes.  However, several politicians, not phased by anyone's attempts to make them join the system, begin doing exactly as they wish, eventually gaining a large minority of the populace's support, and eventually lead a civil war in the United States that ends with nuclear war, spreading outward and across Earth.

I wish all of my belongings were already unpacked from my move.

[Haphazzard]

Granted.  However, they are unpacked in the elemental plane of fire.

I wish I didn't have a roomate next year.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted! However, she was going to be a really hot chick that loved to play D&D and would have fulfilled every devious desire your lewd brain could devise.

I wish I could find my remote!

[Captain Obvious]

Granted. Unfortunately it was inside your spleen.

I wish I had some cheese.

[Seraph]

Granted!  There is cheese waiting for you at the center of the Labyrinth.  Just watch out for the Minotaur. . .

I wish I were better at publicity.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted! A new publicity assistant will arrive tomorrow. Unfortunately, his voice is a dead ringer for Fran Dresser, looks like the Thing and is very flagrantly out of the closet.   Have fun!

I wish I were Bandit Keith, a man modeled after the greatest American hero - Hulk Hogan... In America!

[Jharviss]

Granted. You quickly ascertain that being two-dimensional is not as much fun as it looks.

I wish I could find true love.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted. Here's your new life partners, Gary the Gerbil and  the-insanely-Metrosexual-but-likes-to-experiment - Mac! I bet you guys will be living in Frisco by years end! Hooray!

I wish Frodo had to fight a Belor, rather than through a silly old ring into a silly old lava pit!

[Stargate525]

Granted. But the CGI effects are terrible.

I wish I had the perfect videogame.

[Elemental_Elf]

Granted! But... It costs $100 and can only be played in Swahili and... And it is a PS3 exclusive :(

 I wish I my Epic Destiny was to be Noha II!

[Xeviat]

Granted! But the universe (typo, heh) isn't sure what you're asking for, so you're put on a boat with 2 of every animal and the world is flooded. Oh, and it didn't give you a human of your opposite sex. Way to kill the human race.

I wish for unlimited wishes!