Crystalstar

[sparkletwist]

Chromatic Oligarchy
I know you said you didn't love the name, but I do.

What event marks year 1 on the calendar, then?[/quote]For your concerns about Eschaton being depressing because the universe ends, I see you've got something similar going on[/quote]I only glanced at the Adventures page. It seems like its geared towards giving GMs adventure ideas, so unless you think there's something crucial there, I'm going to dive into the deeper pages.[/quote]
There isn't, really. It's exactly as you said, just adventure ideas.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

You have been lied to.

It's more lore than history because it's told from the perspective of what Vyeans believe, not necessarily what "really happened." For the ancient past, belief is more important anyway.[/quote]I'm actually not sure. The Great Holy War, or the founding of Varrdyen, or something like that, I think. :)[/quote]As a meta note, I've sort of been thinking Crystalstar is the "ancient history" of a more typical medievalish setting that I've posted bits and pieces about, but never completely-- mostly because Crystalstar is much more interesting to me these days anyway. :D A huge cataclysm like that would be pretty much the only way to make all the changes necessary, though. ;)[/quote]
Interesting. I don't recall such a setting, but, then I wasn't looking for it.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Abominations
I had read this before, but I want to add that I'd kind of like to see the page start with a definition. My feeling is that that kind of page is basically an encyclopedic explanation, so the first thing should be as clear a definition as possible. As near as I can glean, the definition of an abomination is anything mutated by black crystal.

It's a great concept, particularly since its healing factor makes it somewhat morally ambiguous. It's useful, but dangerous.


Edit: Works better now, I think. Much clearer.

[sparkletwist]

So the nation has been around--as a continuous nation for 4500 years? That's a big wow. While plenty of regions of Earth (Egypt or India) for example may have had continuous civilizations living in them, I can't think of any that have existed as formal founded nations for anything near that long. Not to say you can't do it, it just seems really long.

I had read this before, but I want to add that I'd kind of like to see the page start with a definition. My feeling is that that kind of page is basically an encyclopedic explanation, so the first thing should be as clear a definition as possible. As near as I can glean, the definition of an abomination is anything mutated by black crystal.[/quote]
Yes, that's a good idea. I reworked the page somewhat.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Well, I made a Snippit template for vignettes, you could try that. Or the quote template. Even just italics starting with "So and so on the history of Vyea: "

The city makes much more sense, then.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Since I've finished the top-level stuff, and there doesn't seem to be a true second-level recommended order, I'm going through the CS Category in order.

Agahza
The first thing that strikes me is the fantastic flag. Very nice.
The second thing that strikes me is that the default Location template gray seems out of place with CS's bright blue and yellow color scheme.

I guess I got the impression it was Arabic-flavored, so ziggurats at first struck me as odd--but ziggurats make everything cooler. I'm not sure what's meant by soaring ziggurats, however; I would normally interpret a soaring building to mean very tall, but since the base of a ziggurat has to expand in equal proportion, I guess the word just sounds odd to me. The ornate domes definitely fit more with my conception of Arabia.

Is the Grand Library open to the public? Does it cost? Do you need special permission?

he result is that nearly anything and everything can be, and is, bought and sold in the shops and bazaars of Agahza.

is[/i] the alcoholic drink? Wine? Beer? If there is early Egyptian influence, I guess beer would make the most sense.

Plague stones?

Where Satya is at least still given some respect, though, the Greenwood Cults are regarded as completely ridiculous.

Hehe.

Is the city really that young that people remember it being a small principality? What sparked such rapid growth?

The political information is good, I don't really have any suggestions there.

For the page itself, a small suggestion (just a suggestion), might be to use subheadings to group information. I find it makes it a little more readable. You know "Political, Clothing, Social," etc.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Agahzan Language
It's interesting to me that you seem to have put some real thought into this. I'm not much of a linguistics person myself, though I took the basic course back in college. The only really interesting aspect of linguistics to me is in language families and evolution over time. So I can provide the level of feedback you might get from limetom or Wensleydale.

Do you plan to detail all the languages of Vyea?

Completely unrelated question, but I had thought originally humans came from another planet? But your history didn't seem to mention that. Maybe I'll get to it in time.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Agahzan Theatre
Before reading the article, I thought it would be like the "Pacific Theater" kind of theater.

Bollywood films can be quite enjoyable. Of course the ones I liked best were the ones I didn't need to understand much Hindi to understand the movie. And I'd swear I've seen several of the plot formulas you mention.

Anyway...This is the kind of neat detail that helps bring a setting to life.

recent advances in technology have allowed the stage shows to be recorded using a crystalline imaging device somewhat ironically related to the terrible Flashburner weapon.

To me, this sentence read a little odd. Perhaps something like "recent advances in crystalline imaging, technology ironically related to flashburners, have allowed..." would flow more naturally? Without having read Flashburners, I instantly picture a Stoneburner (Dune) and wonder how it relates to recording technology.

So do common people in Agahza have televisions?

[sparkletwist]

The first thing that strikes me is the fantastic flag. Very nice.

I guess I got the impression it was Arabic-flavored, so ziggurats at first struck me as odd--but ziggurats make everything cooler. I'm not sure what's meant by soaring ziggurats, however; I would normally interpret a soaring building to mean very tall, but since the base of a ziggurat has to expand in equal proportion, I guess the word just sounds odd to me. The ornate domes definitely fit more with my conception of Arabia.[/quote]Can I find Final Fantasy XIII? We've been waiting forever for it here.[/quote]Alcohol is not banned, but it is prohibited on holy days, and there is a general trend of temperance in Neodoxist societies. Many devout choose not to partake, and sales of spirits in most Neodoxist city-states, like Agahza, are strictly regulated by the government, and not sold outside of special stores. The tax rate for alcoholic drinks is based on the amount of alcohol in the drink. The intoxicant of choice for the Neodoxist is instead a leaf called qat, which is chewed fresh or dried into a powder. [/ic]

Is the city really that young that people remember it being a small principality? What sparked such rapid growth?

Do you plan to detail all the languages of Vyea?[/quote]So do common people in Agahza have televisions?[/quote]
It's not really a television, because it has a better sense of depth, but a somewhat narrower field of view. I actually envision the blue holograms from Star Wars: Kind of 3D, but monochromatic, and a bit limited and distorted. In addition, it's more like film than TV-- there is no "broadcasting" as such, it's a device for watching recordings. It's the hot new thing, and a lot of the more upwardly mobile common people have one. Kind of like TV in the 50s, I think.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

I kinda like the idea of plague stones referring to uranium. But I could understand why it might not fit in with the crystal-tech theme.

Feel free to use any part of the culture template.

One thing I'm not clear about-- were you saying that my sentence is awkward, and that gives the wrong impression about Flashburners, or are those two separate points?

Two separate observations:
1) I had to re-read the sentence to understand what was being said.
2) Flashburners remind me of stoneburners (the weapon that burned out Paul's eyes).

Do the crystalvisions allow the user to see a full stage? You say the field of view is limited, but it'd be hard to appreciate a play if you can't see but one actor, and no setting.

[sparkletwist]

Do the crystalvisions allow the user to see a full stage? You say the field of view is limited, but it'd be hard to appreciate a play if you can't see but one actor, and no setting.

Not at all at once, but I think there'd be panning and such in the recording. Of course, then it's like not watching a movie in its full widescreen format-- you're missing stuff, even if the stuff isn't all that "important." Purists would still hate it, though, and anyone who can afford to would much rather go to the theatre live.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Air Knights
They're fighter pilots? Playboy/girl fighter pilots in a fantasy world? Holy  :demon:

Actually, I think you might want to make that the first line. Explaining their social status seems an important, but somewhat secondary feature to their chosen profession, to me.

You capitalize Ancient Tower, so I assume it's a specific place. Should there be a hyperlink?

I like that you limited the use of the planes because they cannot create new engines. It allows them to exist without totally dominating the world. You say they are "powered by miniature crystalline reactors based on arcane Varrdyeni technology." Does this mean Varrdyen has planes, too?

Is it Agahza's interest to aid another nation in acquiring such technology? Would they get too keep it too?

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Anjeujelo
Another great flag. I also like that you make clear what Anjeujelo is and was right up front.

Why did the city develop this lethargy? In order to desire, plan, and execute a rebellion against a major technological power, I'd think they'd need both drive and know-how. Where did it go? Why did their political ideals fail? Did they try to take socialism to an unhealthy extreme? Anything is destructive in the extreme, of course, but was there another reason?

It's kind of said really, to see a state with such lofty aspirations succeed in overcoming the social tyranny of Varrdyen's caste and gender-role systems, and then falter when the going gets tough. Like they knew what they didn't want, but weren't sure how to go about what they did want. Or maybe a few corrupt leaders are to blame?


On an unrelated note, I don't think you need the ~ on the population. I think most people that see a round number like 200k assume it means approximately that many, not exactly 200k. But that's just my opinion on the matter.

Actually, it does seem that for societies with 20th c level technologies, they seem to have fairly small populations. Have crystals not aided agriculturally as much as they have in other industries? Is there another story behind the numbers?

[sparkletwist]

I think these two comments sort of go together and require some explaining on my part:

Actually, I think you might want to make that the first line. Explaining their social status seems an important, but somewhat secondary feature to their chosen profession, to me.

Does this mean Varrdyen has planes, too?[/quote]Rumors persist that Cha Vakt's engineers are close to cracking the secrets of the reactor engines. Rumors also persist that it involved a clandestine technology swap with upstart Agahza.[/ic]

Why did the city develop this lethargy? In order to desire, plan, and execute a rebellion against a major technological power, I'd think they'd need both drive and know-how. Where did it go? Why did their political ideals fail? Did they try to take socialism to an unhealthy extreme? Anything is destructive in the extreme, of course, but was there another reason?

It's kind of said really, to see a state with such lofty aspirations succeed in overcoming the social tyranny of Varrdyen's caste and gender-role systems, and then falter when the going gets tough. Like they knew what they didn't want, but weren't sure how to go about what they did want. Or maybe a few corrupt leaders are to blame?

they seem to have fairly small populations. Have crystals not aided agriculturally as much as they have in other industries? Is there another story behind the numbers?[/quote]
I based the numbers on medieval population estimates and traditional "fantasy" settings, and I'll admit they may be a bit too small based on the technology level, even with the things in my first response post in mind.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

I guess, to be glib, it's kind of like those civilizations they were always running into on Star Trek, where the civilization is primitive but everyone is well-fed, clean and comfortable.

Primitive paradises. Check.


Perhaps you should use communism, if that's what it is. A number of modern European countries are semi-socialist in their policies. And they work damn well. Much of Western Europe is actually much friendlier towards workers than employers. I think a country can be socialist without totally eliminating free enterprise, whereas in communism, you really can't.

Medieval populations were small, often smaller than Ancient ones. Certainly an industrial revolution would change that. But it depends on how much technology helps with food processing and water purification.