Crystalstar

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Black Guild
Again, my personal preference is the for the first sentence to always tell what the topic in question is; i.e., "The Black Guild is a necromancer's guild in Borutar."

Another minor technical note, in the first sentence, the link looks slightly weird to. You have it say "in the mountains south of Akhanga. (now called Borutar)" with everything from "Akhanga" on linked. I'd say it should be "the mountains south of Akhanga (what is now {{L|Borutar}})." I started to change it myself, but I figured you might have your reasons.

You say the Guild has the same goals as the Horde of the Damned. Since I'm going by category pages, I haven't gotten that far. I just know they caused a major political upheaval long before the present age. It might nice if some mention of what those goals are appeared here, but that's kind of nitpicking.

I did go ahead and fix the Abomination link. As I mentioned on that page, it's great that you have some people intentionally using black crystal. I see your response to LC that you didn't name the guild after black crystal, but perhaps in world that's how they got their name?

and other things that could barely be called human.

Other things besides abominations? Can you clarify a little what that might be?

The worship section throws me because everything else about it makes it sound more like a necromancer's guild than a cult. Maybe you could play up that aspect more? Make a more direct tie-in between their actions and their faith? Perhaps they believe the Lord of Plagues sees black crystal as holy? I know the Apocalyptic Covenant (great name) is normally associated with red crystal, but perhaps the LoP has a personal thing for black?

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Brotherhood
Now these guys are cool. I mean, yeah, they're assassins, so they murder people, which isn't very nice. But in a way they almost remind me of the fanatical but well meaning assassins in Assassin's Creed.

Based on the name, and your mention of "their men," are they limited by gender? That'd be a little less laudable of them. It's easy to preach socialism, but without true egalitarianism, they're kind of hypocrites.

The Brotherhood's methods soon became distasteful to the Agahzans and their allies, though, and its own leaders' unwillingness to follow the directives of the League (or anyone else) led to it being forced underground in Agahza as well.

You mean killing people in power? Based on what I've read about the Desert League, I had thought they were inspired by cultures where assassins were pretty common, and many sultans might have had personal ones working for them.

Or do they do something worse. To me, the black crystal thing seems more morally ambiguous than "evil." It might create Abominations, which society has deemed bad--though that seems largely in virtue of them being freaks--but it might also have other uses (healing was mentioned).

[sparkletwist]

Sorry for letting this stuff sit a while. I've been kind of busy. :)

You have it say "in the mountains south of Akhanga. (now called Borutar)" with everything from "Akhanga" on linked. I'd say it should be "the mountains south of Akhanga (what is now {{L|Borutar}})." I started to change it myself, but I figured you might have your reasons.

Other things besides abominations? Can you clarify a little what that might be?[/quote]Based on the name, and your mention of "their men," are they limited by gender? That'd be a little less laudable of them. It's easy to preach socialism, but without true egalitarianism, they're kind of hypocrites.[/quote]You mean killing people in power? Based on what I've read about the Desert League, I had thought they were inspired by cultures where assassins were pretty common, and many sultans might have had personal ones working for them.

Or do they do something worse. To me, the black crystal thing seems more morally ambiguous than "evil." It might create Abominations, which society has deemed bad--though that seems largely in virtue of them being freaks--but it might also have other uses (healing was mentioned).[/quote]we[/b] do it, but not at any other time. They're also far less subtle about it, and much more likely to kill civilians if they find it worthwhile means to an end. I think the worst aspect of them isn't so much what they use (black crystal, etc.) as the way they go about it: no regard for human life, and such.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Other things besides abominations? Can you clarify a little what that might be?

Isn't that what Abominations really are? Single-serve mutant monsters?

[Matt Larkin (author)]

Cha Vakt

Cha Vakt is a mountain city at the fringes of the Great Desert, near the Dragon Plains.

Within the city, it is known as simply the Ancient Tower. [/quote]Some resemble large snails and slither about, leaving behind a slime that congeals to repair cracks in the tower; others are more akin to reptiles and use their four claws to make deft repairs requiring more precision. Though the creatures seem intelligent enough to figure out what needs to be done and do it, no overall organization is apparent, and it is not clear why they do what they do. [/quote]
 :ninja: That's freaking cool. Actually, I can't think of much else to say on that topic, so I'll just give you another :ninja:

Okay, maybe I do. Do the snails leave slime trails everywhere?

The fact that these people live in a remote, mysterious city, centered around a mysterious tower, is strangely at odds with the fact they have fighter jets. It makes sense, it just makes me grin for the sheer surreality of it.

What is that thing on the flag?

I notice their tech level is significantly behind Agahza.

[sparkletwist]

Are there dragons in CS?

I'm curious about how you came up with this name. Care to share?

The fact that these people live in a remote, mysterious city, centered around a mysterious tower, is strangely at odds with the fact they have fighter jets. It makes sense, it just makes me grin for the sheer surreality of it.[/quote]I notice their tech level is significantly behind Agahza.[/quote]
It's not, really. The GURPS tech level is about the same, and that's more of how I think of them. Calling "Baroque" is more to convey a certain feel about what they have, rather than to limit it more than Agahzans.

[sparkletwist]

A few days ago, I introduced a concept called the "Overmind" as well as put up some more info on the gods and reincarnation on the wiki, and I've copied it to the posts here.

Phoenix, I find it interesting that as you're revising the Eschaton cosmology to get rid of the paramatma, at the same time (and completely unrelatedly, I'd think) I'm greatly enhancing the role of a very similar concept, the Overmind, in Crystalstar. I needed a sort of "universal truth," that transcended the petty squabbling of the gods and gave the people something to aspire to. I didn't like the idea of an endless reincarnation cycle, but nor did I like the idea of any sort of dualistic and final afterlife as in Christian traditions. So, I instead sort of merged it all together, with Satya tradition holding that people are incarnated through a series of higher forms (this life is the second) and eventually become one with the great light of the Overmind.

I've also been revising the Great Holy War, some of which is on the wiki, but mostly still in a file on my computer until I've gotten the stuff refined enough that I feel like it's worth uploading. Basically, I wasn't happy with the "myth" and the "fact" of the GHW being so distant from each other. In the common Vyean mythology it was some kind of grand war of good vs evil, but it really was a much more nuanced and politically motivated conflict. It also occurred to me that the ultimate conflict of good vs evil is more of an "end of time" thing than a "beginning of time" thing anyway. I was inspired by mythology like the Mahabharata and the Norse Aesir-Vanir war to come up with a more nuanced conflict, and to have something that could more closely resemble the "true" conflict.

What I came up with was that after Chaos was banished, there were two sides, one that wanted to try to fix Chaos' flawed universe by imposing rigid order, and the other that wanted to completely burn everything away and start fresh. At this point, the tripartite concept of creation-preservation-destruction didn't exist, so this was more of the fanatical creator-destroyers vs the fanatical preservers. The idea is that instead of good vs evil, it is two ideas that are both right and yet both wrong, and from this clash, the current synergistic three-part system came out of the peace settlement.

Thoughts?

[Matt Larkin (author)]

I read up on the Overmind when you first posted it. It kind of strikes me as more similar to the idea of Brahman, which is still an important concept in Eschaton. The idea of a universal truth kind of reminds me of Dharma. By Brahman is also truth, as opposed to Maya (the illusion of reality).

I didn't like the idea of an endless reincarnation cycle, but nor did I like the idea of any sort of dualistic and final afterlife as in Christian traditions. So, I instead sort of merged it all together, with Satya tradition holding that people are incarnated through a series of higher forms (this life is the second) and eventually become one with the great light of the Overmind.

I was inspired by mythology like the Mahabharata and the Norse Aesir-Vanir war to come up with a more nuanced conflict, and to have something that could more closely resemble the "true" conflict.[/quote]one that wanted to try to fix Chaos' flawed universe by imposing rigid order, and the other that wanted to completely burn everything away and start fresh.[/quote]The idea is that instead of good vs evil, it is two ideas that are both right and yet both wrong, and from this clash, the current synergistic three-part system came out of the peace settlement.[/quote]
What reason would the burn-it-all camp have to make peace? Wouldn't that leave the modern creation/destruction camps allied (and I can see that they should be, as they need each other more than the preserver camp), and at the throats of the preservers?

[LD]

I just wanted to note that Phoenix's dense overview really contributes to my interest in sparkle's setting; every time I read his critiques I discover something new and fascinating regarding Crystalstar.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

So on the Great War. I'd say it works quite well for me. It feels epic and evocative, but still complex.

However, I believe you can give this conflict more life by offering more details. Now, you might leave it intentionally vague for two reasons
1) You want it to be mysterious
2) It doesn't matter, because it will never come up.

In the case of the former, I'd say, (I assume) no one in the world knows this besides the gods anyway. So, it's already not included from the perspective of a human in the setting, but rather as information for readers and GMs. In the second, that may be true, so it comes down to how much you like mythbuilding and history. If you choose to expand it, I'd say give a more detailed history of how it started (this is mostly covered), the major events in the war, and more about how it ended. It doesn't have to be a rigid timeline, but a clear chronology is nice.

Honestly, the name Architects kind of sounds to me like the kind of people that want to build everything from scratch.

In Varrdyeni, this group of proto-gods is known as the asyirs.

The wild, untamed cosmic power used by the two sides was deemed too dangerous to ever be allowed to be free again. It was channeled into a supremely powerful force, which guided the gods and fate itself, the Overmind. During the time of Chaos, people that were killed had their souls placed into a black dreamless sleep, where they might be revived and again tortured at some point. These souls were brought up from their darkness, and began rising toward the Overmind, creating the five phases of a soul's life. [/quote]A small piece of the Overmind's power was then made solid, shattered and scattered, for the benefit of any being that needed it. It was this power that gave rise to the crystals. Where the greatest concentration of crystals fell, the holy city Varrdyen was founded. [/quote]
A cool idea.

[O Senhor Leetz]

ok, I'm late to the party here, but what I've read so far I like. It has a vibe that's serious while not really giving a damn about realism, which I totally dig. I also like the non-European feel. Tekumel is one of my favorite settings, and non-western world's are either A.) inconsistent or B.) heavily stereotypical and westernized. your setting is neither, I'll make sure to read more and leave some more focused comments, but keep up the great work.

[sparkletwist]

The first phase is a realm of suffering and madness. It is a remnant of the tormented universe created by the primordial being, Chaos. New souls emerge in blackness, but are soon surrounded by blinding light and subjected to extremes of temperature, as well as the screeching of inhuman creatures. No rational thought is possible here for most, but it is one's reaction to this low realm that determines one's caste in the second phase: those that stoically endure it become Sidra, those that seek to escape become Waysa, those that fight against it become Iksatrya, and those that in spite of adversity form a hint of rational thought become Bramiya. [/ic]

However, I believe you can give this conflict more life by offering more details. Now, you might leave it intentionally vague for two reasons
1) You want it to be mysterious
2) It doesn't matter, because it will never come up.

I also named my proto-gods (the first humans in Eschaton) the Aesir, before their enlightenment.

asyir[/i] is actually more rooted in asura, but with Varrydeni's tendency towards front vowels, it ends up asyir, which as a nice bonus (and semi-intentionally) sounds like aesir. I should also note that the point I've diverged Varrdyeni beliefs from Vedic ones is mostly before the "asura" were considered evil, so there are no such connotations here.

Privateers didn't make a lot of sense to me. These are people that want high tech, so they refuse to work for the side with high tech, working for the other side so they can steal the high tech? But the side they're working for intends to destroy the universe including all this technology?

steal[/i] it, they'd have to use it responsibly and whatnot, and be accountable to someone. Eventually, someone would get wise if it turned out they were just pillaging the coffers, and they'd get kicked out of the faction or something. They figured the best way to steal it was to work with the enemies of that side. As for the other thing, I don't know.... lack of foresight? I just wanted a sort of deceitful faction of space swashbucklers, to be honest. :D

The Slime Lords are too terrible to have been wiped out. Clearly they must remain a hidden threat. Clearly.

I just wanted to note that Phoenix's dense overview really contributes to my interest in sparkle's setting; every time I read his critiques I discover something new and fascinating regarding Crystalstar.
[/quote]
Thank you. Thank you both, actually. :D

ok, I'm late to the party here, but what I've read so far I like. It has a vibe that's serious while not really giving a damn about realism, which I totally dig. I also like the non-European feel. Tekumel is one of my favorite settings, and non-western world's are either A.) inconsistent or B.) heavily stereotypical and westernized. your setting is neither, I'll make sure to read more and leave some more focused comments, but keep up the great work.

And thank you too. :)

[Matt Larkin (author)]

No, during the time of Chaos there was no Overmind. That's the point, the universe is sane and follows rules now because the Overmind, not Chaos, is there. Before there was an Overmind, when you died, you were essentially put into a deep sleep. Your soul continued to exist, but wasn't aware of anything, and it was essentially just in cold storage waiting for Chaos to give you a new body, when it decided it wanted to torment you some more. It was a real crapsack of a universe.

Actually, that sounds kind of similar to what I was assuming would have happened in Eschaton prior to the creation of the World Tree (and thus the Wheel of Rebirth).

Maybe I'll have another look at the factions and see if I can think of another. First guess: dragons. It seemed like you mentioned dragons somewhere in a reference (as a symbol or icon or something), which struck me as odd since I didn't remember them being in the setting. Perhaps, given the Indian influence, you could draw inspiration from nagas.

[Matt Larkin (author)]

On the Great Holy War--you may want a better name for this.

As far as the factions go, it doesn't look like the Reincarnationists have an aysir faction? Is that right?

Other options:

third type of demon

dragons/nagas

machines

other aliens

oblivion cult

Chaos worshipers secretly trying to bring back the boss

Another powerful individual as the counterpoint to Vermillion (perhaps the generative principle)

[sparkletwist]

As far as the factions go, it doesn't look like the Reincarnationists have an aysir faction? Is that right?

Asyir are the leaders and are involved in all of the factions, really. I should probably make it clear that the asyir are essentially ascended proto-humans and proto-demons, anyway.

Hmm, dragon/naga alien demon machine oblivion cults! :D
Seriously though, thank you for that list. I think there is something to be said for the dragon/naga angle, particularly in combination with being other aliens and having some cult-like properties.

I do also like the idea of sort of a counterpoint to Vermilion. Perhaps Miss Star-Moon (of the Circle of Origins) is the leader of the Rogue Pixies. That gives that faction more color, anyway.