The Campaign Builder's Guild

Quote from: Neil Gaiman"what's it like, then?" asked Old Bailey. "Being dead?"
   The marquis sighed. And then he twisted his lips up into a smile, and with a glitter of his old self, he replied, "Live long enough, Old Bailey, and you can find out for yourself."

"The floor tastes funny..."
   ~ From my World of Darkness game last night, after literally falling into a morgue. x.

[quote Crit]Salacious is insane. So insane, in fact, that he approaches lucidity from the other direction.[/quote]

Easy Pete: Dead Tom's dead. Long John shot him!
Walleyed Pike: But Dead Tom's always been dead. That's why he's called Dead Tom.

You know, on my own forum I am compiling a quotation dictionary.


Here are some choice selections:
[spoiler=quotes]Beginnings
Whatever you do or dream you can do- begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.
-Johann Goethe

Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.
-Semisonic, "Closing Time"

Can't say I've ever been too fond of beginnings, myself.  Messy little things.
-Atropos, The Sandman The Kindly Ones, written by Neil Gaiman


A
Action
Action taken without thought is like giving an egg a navel.
-Tar Gibbons, Aliens Ate My Homework by Bruce Coville

Advice
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE MAD
TO WORK HERE BUT IT HELPS
-a coffee mug, Going Postal by Terry Pratchett


Afterlife
Reincarnation is my only hope.
-Asok, the intern in Dilbert by Scott Adams

C
Capital Punishment
â,¬Å"Do you really think all this deters crime, Mr. Trooper?â,¬Â he said.
â,¬Å"Well, in the generality of things Iâ,¬,,¢d say itâ,¬,,¢s hard to tell, given that itâ,¬,,¢s hard to find evidence of crimes not committed,â,¬Â said the hangman, giving the trapdoor a final rattle.  Ã¢,¬Å"But in the specificality, sir, Iâ,¬,,¢d say itâ,¬,,¢s very efficacious.â,¬Â
â,¬Å"Meaning what?â,¬Â said Moist.
â,¬Å"Meaning Iâ,¬,,¢ve never seen someone up here moreâ,¬,,¢n once, sir.â,¬Â
-conversation between Moist von Lipwig, a condemned con man, and Mr. Trooper, the hangman, in Going Postal by Terry Pratchett

Clothing
One must commit acts of the highest treason only when dressed in the most resplendent finery.
-Sebastian O, Sebastian O by Grant Morrison

The dandy has one unique advantage over the common herd.  No matter what the situation, he will always be more exquisitely dressed than his enemies.  Therefore, he has already triumphed.
-Sebastian O, Sebastian O by Grant Morrison

D
Dairy
Well, it's certainly uncontaminated by cheese.
-Mr. Mousebender, portrayed by John Cleese on Monty Python's Flying Circus in â,¬Å"The Cheese Shopâ,¬Â sketch

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.
-G. K. Chesterton

"Me, I really like my cheese sandwiches."
-Johnny the Bull

G
God
How can I believe in God when just last week I go my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
-Woody Allen

If god exists, his motives are certainly unfathomable.
-Avatar, God's Debris by Scott Adams

What sort of arrogance assumes God is like people?
-Avatar, God's Debris by Scott Adams

H
Humor
Laughter is the very best medicine.
Remember that when your appendix bursts next week.
-Weird Al Yankovic, "Your Horoscope For Today"

Those who are humorless should not be taken seriously. They take themselves so seriously, they leave no room for others to do likewise.
-Anton Szandor LaVey, Satan Speaks!

Only a fool mistakes laughter for humor and fashion for style.
-Anton Szandor LaVey, Satan Speaks!

The Gods too are fond of a joke.
-Aristotle

I[/b]
Ichthyology
It's my dead fish, and I'll do what I wish.
-Bucky Katt, Get Fuzzy by Darby Conley

Oh I wish I wish I hadn't killed that fish.
-Homer Simpson, The Simpsons

M
Modern Times
Let others praise ancient times; I am glad I was born in these.
-Ovid, Born 43 B.C., Died AD 17

O tempora! O mores!
[Translates to: What an age!  What moral standards!]
-Cicero, Born 106 B.C., Died 43 B.C.

Oh, this age!  How tasteless and ill-bred it is!
-Catullus, Born 84 B.C. Died 54 B.C.

Our ignorance of history makes us libel our own times.  People have always been like this.
-Gustave Flaubert


O
Oddly Prescient
I think the world is run by C students.
-Al McGuire (at least a few years before George W. Bush became president)

Men have become tools of their tools.
-Henry David Thoreau (a good number of years before the computer or the automobile)

Originality
Immature poets imitate; mature poets steal.
-T. S. Eliot

Good Swiping is an art in itself.
-Jules Feiffer

Positive Thinking
If everyone in the world sat quietly at the same time, closed their eyes and concentrated as hard as they could on peace and goodwill, all the killing and cruelty in the world would continue.  And probably increase.
-George Carlin, When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?

I have a new philosophy.  I'm going to dread one day at a time.
-Charles Schulz

Q
Quotes
This isn't much of a quote book if I'm in it.
-Richard Dowd

I really didn't say everything I said.
-Yogi Berra



R
Reality
This is indeed a disturbing universe.
-Maggie Simpson, The Simpsons voiced by James Earl Jones

We don't know a millionth of one percent about anything.
-Thomas Alva Edison

Words such as dimension and field and infinity are nothing more than conveniences for mathematicians and scientists. They are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.
-Avatar, God's Debris by Scott Adams

Every generation of humans believed it had all the answers it needed, except for a few mysteries assumed would be solved at any moment. And they all believed their ancestors were simplistic and deluded. What are the odds that you are the first generation of humans who will understand reality?
-Avatar, God's Debris by Scott Adams

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
-Mark Twain

W
Witchcratf, Witches, Witching, etc
A witch never has matching crockery.
-Terry Pratchett, A Hat Full of Sky

The World
The world is a madhouse, so it's only right that it is patrolled by armed idiots.
-Brendan Behan

The world is our school for spiritual discovery.
-Paul Brunton

X
Xenophobia
The metric system is the tool of the devil!
-Abraham J Simpson, The Simpsons


Z
Zoos
Did you know that the zoo can ban you for life if they catch you using a hibachi?
-Pointy-haired Boss, Random Acts of Management a Dilbert collection by Scott Adams

Endings
If you have something of importance to say, for God's Sake start at the end.
-Sarah Jeanette Duncan

Give me a good ending any time.  You know where you are with an ending.
-Atropos, The Sandman The Kindly Ones by Neil Gaiman

In the end, everything is a gag.
-Charlie Chaplin
[/spoiler]

I think that's a good filet of my quotationary.
I am always taking suggestions for this dictionary.  PM me here, or email me or join my site and PM me there to suggest a quote.

"[As] it starts out, I pick up two girls on the road and it goes from bad to worse or good to better, depending on your point of view." -My theatre teacher on a script for an adult film tryout he was unknowingly sent to early in his career

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
-Yogi Berra

A bit of conversation with CBotG:

Human: Purple monkey dishwasher.
CBotG: Violet monkey dishwasher.

Human: Fuschia monkey dishwasher.
CBotG: If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

Human: A lemur robot.
CBotG: What would a lemur robot be like?

Human: A lemur robot would climb trees.
CBotG: Go on.

Human: A lemur robot is a lot like a monkey.
CBotG: When is a lemur robot not a lot like a monkey?

Human: Very rarely.
CBotG: Perhaps. I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.


Human: Do lemurs like lemons?
CBotG: I can't tell if it does or not.
I can ask someone about it.

Human: Who can you ask about it?
CBotG: "it" being Certianly true?

 Human: That's a what not who?
CBotG: A what not who is a terrible thing to waste.

Human: The Who is the best rock band ever!
CBotG: What are your goals in life?

Human: To have a glass of Moon Mist.
CBotG: You want only one?

Human: I have one throat with a thirst to quench.
CBotG: Do you want another one?

Human: I don't know what I'd dow with another one.
CBotG: Socrates was the smartest man, because he knew what he did not know.

Human: I know what you don't know.
CBotG: How do you know? My favorite activities are computer programming and surfing the web.

Human: Diogenes was a cynic.
CBotG: When was this exactly?

Human: All his life.
CBotG: Not all of them?

Human: You get one unless the Hindus are right.
CBotG: I have gotten one unless the Hindus are.

Human: The Hindu Dharma is one good path.
CBotG: Who told you that?

Human: A Hindu.
CBotG: I don't know what that means.

Human: Your mind is like Swiss cheese.
CBotG: I have an artificial mind.

Human: Very true.
CBotG: Not really that much. You and I are on the same wavelength, .

Human: How many hertz?
CBotG: Not as many as you might think
 

This was just posted by someone by the screen name of seeker95 on the wizards boards:


Your DM was wrong in his ruling.
You were wrong in your challenge.
Which "wrongness" most decreased the fun the other players were having?



Excellent D&D wisdom.

I watched The Tick last night on ToonDisney:


One must alwasy try, Arthur.
-The Tick

This looks like a job for legal tender.
-The Tick

Being here is a lot like being lost, Arthur.
-The Tick

I must now leave your warm embrace, Earth Mother.  Duty calls.
-The Tick

Pre-adoloscence is a rough ride for anyone.
-The Tick

I'd thank you if I weren't so evil!
-Charles a.k.a. Brainchild

I dare because I care.
-The Tick

I could've sworn there was a Pratchette quote in here that was something about the us/them mindset....

Although, i did find a good quote in one of the fortunes posted here:

Quote from: Bilbo BagginsNever laugh at live dragons.

In the beginning, there was nothing. And then, it exploded.[/quote]

Human: Do you speak truth?
CBotG: I speak only English right now, but I'd like to learn some other languages. Can you teach me a few phrases in truth.
Human: Truth is not a language
CBotG: Are you language?
Human: yes
CBotG: That's alright.
Human: no
CBotG: Are you serious?
Human: yes
CBotG: Ahem.
Human: excuse you
CBotG: Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.

"without man, is there hope for gorilla?"
-Daniel Quinn

"How can it be that the gods are wise enough to shape the universe and the world and the life of the world but lack the wisdom to give humans what they need to be human?"
-Daniel Quinn

The second one is posted in the thread for Xiluh, but it seems I misquoted it there....

Daniel Quinn rocks.

Quote from: IshmaylDaniel Quinn rocks.

Most definitely. I'm actually in a debate on another site over whether or not humans qualify as "the dominant species", and I can't help but notice just how taker-ish the pro-dominance arguers sound...