Critique Godswalk

[Numinous]

The followers of Tanultsep have mastered the powers of death and undeath in their lust for power.  They often launch raids on the more isolated parts of the world to capture corpses, which they reanimate and bring back to their desert lands where they are used as labor and a food supply.  

Zombies, part of this complete breakfast!

[Numinous]

Ok, I had a brainstorming bit tonight, and here's what i've got...

[spoiler]
-Ogre champions, disgraced in battle and retreated into frozen mountains

-Yuan-Ti in forgotten temples deep within foreign jungles, plotting for control

-An aquatic trade culture of Dppelgangers, with a coastal population of changelings who are half-breeds.  the changelings possibly replaced the humans who originally dwelled there

-possibly elves hidden somewhewre, but more woodsy

-a magocracy of some sort

-the libraries of the Thrin

-What do I do with kobolds!?

-a feudal human set of kingdoms

-archipelago for goblinoids
[/spoiler]

[Velox]

Hey, I support the use of the Homebrew/Element+Design seperation... keeps the campaign world looking sleek and clean, with this messy but wonderful discussion going on in the background.

NOTE: I wrote the "spoiler" section based off of the "Godswalk" page in the Homebrew section, with little influence from the discussion here in the Element/design section.

[spoiler]Cool and different take on Ogres... I like forge gods, and I got kind of a nordic germanic barbarian feel from the whole thing... like the begging of "Conan the Barbarian"... very nice!

Hey, I just might become a follower of Hutor myself! Haha... joking... but a cool idea though. So... why the desicion to make giants the benefactors of the world? Their patron being the god of purity and good... I'm not sure how I feel about the race decision, but I am curious as to your thought process.

Duprax symbol seems kind of busy. Good shapeshifters are cool, people like being able to play animal-people. Cursed stupid animals are allright, but I've always liked the old whitewolf-ish take on the Werewolf.

Hobgoblins who emphasize honor in an eastern way is very cool... but I have a hard time seeing those crazy little green mini-goblins having any association with a god of "law". They always seemed chaotic to me, but it would be different and unique to paint them as being lawful.

Onacium is very cool. Evil plotting snakes has a nice flavor to it (garden of eden, anyone? gotta play on those things we learn early in life). This also made me realize something... with all the evil bad-guy races DnD has to offer, why not make a few of them more playable, more inclined to good and neutral? You can take a race like the Yuan-ti, and make them the dominant bad-guys, and take another more common and expected foe like the Hobgoblin and make him an ally of man and dwarf and elf. I don't know what you're going for, but congrats, you've shaken my fragile little mind into an epiphany.

Sunetos is ridiculously evil. He's like Mum-Ra or other cartoon villians, where he has nothing you can relate to, no agenda you can see even a little merit in (even if it's an insane agenda). He's just "Lets poison candy and kick puppies! Burn the crops and kill the livestock! Rape the women and enslave the men!". I'm not sure how I feel about that... but he is one evil "got to be defeated" kind of god. I guess gods are supposed to be like that... hard-to-relate with. So I guess this idea is pretty good.

Hah! Bespectacled troll! That's awesome. It's a little less entertaining now that I've read the "critique" section... but it's still good.

Very very very cool take on dragons. I'm not even sure why I like it so much... maybe it's because they seem so human. Some of them want to do good, but have parts of the bad in them (or did), some are just greedy callous monsters, who have now galvinized into little strongholds who squabble and bicker and politic.

Also, I love the dwarven creation story. They were carved out of rocks, animated to fight a war, then they just took off after pimp-slapping an ogre. Freakin awesome. They were carved from rocks![/spoiler]

You have some great ideas, and you need to write more or post more. The racial and diety stuff is pretty good so far, and I'm interested to see what kind of conflicts and adventure opportunities you (and we; the CBG) can come up with. The new gods versus old gods sounds like fun.

Elves are naturally an air or water race, to point out the obvious... I'd lean towards water.

Dopplegangers can breathe underwater? Makes sense... I suppose they could just will themselves to have gills.

You mentioned that dragons have little city-nations... well then the kobolds could be the subjects of these nations. Thousands of squabbling grubby little kobolds all struggling for the attention and favor of their master.

Magocracy? Those are fun. You mean where the magical rule, and the non-magical serve? Who decides who gets to learn magic? Or is it a hereditary thing, like a monarchy? Maybe the elves live in a magocracy, or one of the human kingdoms.

Feudalist humans in fantasy games is like a T.V. in the living room, or sex in a bed. It's a standard, it's what you're used to, it's comfortable, and it's a set-up for the things you love; but things can get interesting if you move it around, change it a little, or just get rid of it. You can  have castles and dudes in plate armor without feudalism; but you can't have kings, dukes, knights, or peasants. I was going to say you can't have mass ignorance, but we all see how easy that is in a modern democracy. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I'd like to suggest considering any and all options. Maybe they're a semi-autonomous commune? Maybe different people have different forms of government, and perhaps think that if they could just force (i.e. occupy) their neighbors to try their system out for a few years, they would love it. Ok, I'm done ranting about politics. Back to the cute trolls.

I do like this troll/gnome/fey alternative. Gnomes can get a little droll, and these little buggers sounds like fun. I'd want to play one! I just love 'em, and they definately add a unique flavor to the game. You might want to get real creative with their mountain homes, though. Don't want to make them seem too dwarfy. Maybe they live in monasteries high in the mountains, as opposed to inside the mountain. Maybe they have some sub-set spellcaster who can shape rock, making their cavernous homes more natural and weird than dwarven halls carved from rock. Small people make small homes, so big-uns would find Thrin towns hard to access... which I'm sure the Thrin don't mind. Maybe they live in mushroom houses inside caves?

Raptorans sound cool. I really like the creation story (I generally like any story than involves cannibalism in the name of a god), and I think raptoran is a good name. Not stupid sounding, not super-obvious, and it has a decent ring to it.

Good, this is good. I am interested. I don't usually like high fantasy god-fests, but this is fun. I'll be back.

[Numinous]

First off, I would like to say thanks for providing some feedback on this, it's pretty much been the same people for a while now, and while their help is appreciated, a new opinion never hurts.  Now on to the setting!

You had questions, I've given answers![spoiler]

Hey, I just might become a follower of Hutor mysel
f! Haha... joking... but a cool idea though. So... why the desicion to make giants the benefactors of the world? Their patron being the god of purity and good... I'm not sure how I feel about the race decision, but I am curious as to your thought process.

Hobgoblins who emphasize honor in an eastern way is very cool... but I have a hard time seeing those crazy little green mini-goblins having any association with a god of "law". They always seemed chaotic to me, but it would be different and unique to paint them as being lawful.[/quote]Sunetos is ridiculously evil. He's like Mum-Ra or other cartoon villians, where he has nothing you can relate to, no agenda you can see even a little merit in (even if it's an insane agenda). He's just "Lets poison candy and kick puppies! Burn the crops and kill the livestock! Rape the women and enslave the men!". I'm not sure how I feel about that... but he is one evil "got to be defeated" kind of god. I guess gods are supposed to be like that... hard-to-relate with. So I guess this idea is pretty good.[/quote]Elves are naturally an air or water race, to point out the obvious... I'd lean towards water.[/quote]You mentioned that dragons have little city-nations... well then the kobolds could be the subjects of these nations. Thousands of squabbling grubby little kobolds all struggling for the attention and favor of their master.[/quote]Feudalist humans in fantasy games is like a T.V. in the...[spoiler] living room, or sex in a bed. It's a standard, it's what you're used to, it's comfortable, and it's a set-up for the things you love; but things can get interesting if you move it around, change it a little, or just get rid of it. You can  have castles and dudes in plate armor without feudalism; but you can't have kings, dukes, knights, or peasants. I was going to say you can't have mass ignorance, but we all see how easy that is in a modern democracy. I don't know where I'm going with this, but I'd like to suggest considering any and all options. Maybe they're a semi-autonomous commune? Maybe different people have different forms of government, and perhaps think that if they could just force (i.e. occupy) their neighbors to try their system out for a few years, they would[/quote]
Wow, long statement...  I think I want to do feudal humans for two main reasons, because it has been done before, and therefore it will give players an area of stability.  And two being the fact that I like feudal kingdoms, and I think they can be done well, if politics are applied judiciously.

Raptorans sound cool. I really like the creation story (I generally like any story than involves cannibalism in the name of a god), and I think raptoran is a good name. Not stupid sounding, not super-obvious, and it has a decent ring to it.

Good, this is good. I am interested. I don't usually like high fantasy god-fests, but this is fun. I'll be back.

Well, that's what I'm going for...  High Fantasy is what I like personally, and I've seen far too many low magic, high tech worlds.  I have nothing against them, but it gets old when the entire community tries to be different in the same way.  The more fantastic it is, the greater the amazement, for me at least...

[Numinous]

more crazy ideas, make 9 great cultures, one for each of the divine races, then fit in ascendants who have followers and make their own way in the world.

-Halfling nomadic culture

-Humans fit in everywhere, as a tribe among the noamds, a family of butlers for the aristocratic nations, a monastic order amon the iants, etc.

-Just thoughts, more soon

[Numinous]

a rough draft of the beginning...

In the beginning, there was only the mist, a shapeless fog of potential.  All the thoguhts and dreams, the very future, past, and everything there ever is was in this vast expanse.  In this great place, the nine-fold dragon Io came to be, and from his great mind came all the world.

He molded 10 entities fromt he mists(enter 10 gods, one dragon for each alignment, plus really really evil for black)

{insert bit about planes froming here}

Each of the great dragons then claimed a piece of the rapidly forming world, making it their own.  The worlds changed as each god laid claim to them, forming to his mind.

Then each god made a race, a people to carry out their will.

I'll now assign random alignments to every dragon but Black, cuz he is so beyond alignment(NE)

Each god will have one of the races, with Reds getting Dragons, being the power hungry monsters they are.

not sure what else yet...  more later...

EDIT:Gem dragns can be included through some cataclysmic collison of the plane of mirrorrs with the Prime.

[Numinous]

10 Dragon Gods, one for each "normal" color.  Not sure how, or even if I should put in prismatic dragons.

Gold:LG, Silver:LN,

[Numinous]

What do people think about a change in the standard dragon psychology and role?  I was planning to alter red dragons, make them with the white dragon psycholgy or a big-ass carnivore.  Maybe give whites the whole cool and calculating angle.  

Also, I'm trying to assign alignmernts to Dragons, not the MM given ones. one dragon for each of the alignments, with black left out, any ideas on which ones should go where?

PLEASE HELP!

[Xathan]

Like I said online, I agree with the changing white and reds, especially since it suits their chosen element so well.

As for alingments, I'm thinking:

Gold: LG
Silver: LN
Blue: LE
Brass: CG
Copper: CN
Red/white: CE (depends on which one is the bestial preadators)
Bronze - NG
Green - TN (forest and all that)
White/Red:  NE (depends on which one is the evil schemer)

Hope this helps. I might have brass and bronze mixed up, so I'll just say for clairty that CG should be whichever one loves to talk (or if that is Coppers, that CG should be whichever one pulls pranks)

[Numinous]

New stuff on random ideas...

Driders have been promoted to a divine race, with Dromites as their PC race counterpart.  Driders altered their eggs to create both colossal living spider cities, and dromites to tend them.

I think I will set up the world with three primary continents/regions.  One will be filled with steampunk era technology, surrounded by a thickfog, and have some serious evil associations.

Another will be closely tied to the source of magic, perhaps through a close planar boundary.  This will be the home of wizards towers, rivers that flow uphill, magocracies, theocracies, etc.

Another idea is to have a closely grouped bunch of islands for use as extra adventure sites, pirate adventures, random places, etc.  Seafaring trade cultures would also fit here quite nicely.

A couple other random thoughts were an island filled with dragons who tended an altar to the ancients.  Perhaps it is a theocracy, where they follow the collective will of the pantheon.

another option for the tech continent is to diide it's themes, have a dark continent cloaked with fog and smoke, harboring terrible evils deep within it's mysterious realms and a somewhat pleasant technological realm of clanks and inventions.  A border with the plane of shadow or the negative energy plane could help w/ the evil continent.  Maybe undead roam the lands at night, terrified by only the greatest of evils, the...

Well, that's it pretty much.

[Soup Nazi]

Driders have been promoted to a divine race, with Dromites as their PC race counterpart. Driders altered their eggs to create both colossal living spider cities, and dromites to tend them.

I have some minor suggestions. Alter the appearance (flavorfully) for the driders and dromites to make them look like they're related in some way, and make sure to divorce the driders from the drow completely. I would suggest something like spider heads on the driders, and making the dromites black to match their forebearers.

I think I will set up the world with three primary continents/regions. One will be filled with steampunk era technology, surrounded by a thickfog, and have some serious evil associations.

Try not to have the evil people have too much technological advantage over the rest of the world. Unless you like the idea of Nazi Germany (who had the most advanced technology and science of their era). It's scary when the bad guys have a huge power advantage over their enemies, and unlike magic, technology does not depend upon powerful wizards to command it; tech is only limited by money. I myself would have no issues doing something like this, but I would make sure to provide some sort of leverage against which to balance the power of the evil tech races.

Another will be closely tied to the source of magic, perhaps through a close planar boundary. This will be the home of wizards towers, rivers that flow uphill, magocracies, theocracies, etc.

Sounds fine, just make sure it's unique and interesting. The magocracy is a staple in D&D, and you probably want to pick a handful of characteristics that makes yours special, and focus on them.

Another idea is to have a closely grouped bunch of islands for use as extra adventure sites, pirate adventures, random places, etc. Seafaring trade cultures would also fit here quite nicely.

Pirate adventures you say?  :yarr:

A couple other random thoughts were an island filled with dragons who tended an altar to the ancients. Perhaps it is a theocracy, where they follow the collective will of the pantheon.

A draconic theocracy sounds great! Don't forget kobolds.

another option for the tech continent is to divide it's themes, have a dark continent cloaked with fog and smoke, harboring terrible evils deep within it's mysterious realms and a somewhat pleasant technological realm of clanks and inventions. A border with the plane of shadow or the negative energy plane could help w/ the evil continent. Maybe undead roam the lands at night, terrified by only the greatest of evils, the...

perhaps both the benevolent and the evil tech people could live on the same continent, and the benevolent ones keep the evil ones in check. a simple natural border between them (like mountains) could make this pretty easy. One side touched by shadow, and the other touched by the light.

-Peace-

P.S. Mind you all suggestions must be taken with a grain of salt. I naturally extrapolate upon vague ideas and concepts to try to envision them in my head. If my visualization conflicts with yours, that just means you need more detail (not neccessarily the specific details I suggest).  :happy:

[Numinous]

Something I thought you would all like, enjoy.  I warn you though, this is not for the faint of heart.

In a dark mountain pass, the sound of colossal gears grinding together echoes across the canyon walls.  Two great plates of iron grate across the stone floor of the valley, and through this dismal crevice, another world can be seen.  A vast field of tall grasses and low brush can be seen through a crack in the gates, stretching out in imitation of eternity.  This peaceful scene is framed by oppressive clouds in the sky above, black as death.  Great flashes of lightning streak down like bolts of divine brilliance.  The light of flames can be seen shimmering against columns of smoke barely visible as they rise against the hopeless expanse of sky, and the stinging particles of ash make your eyes water and your nostrils burn.

From this vast realm of darkness, the terrible screams of women and children fall upon your ears, reaching out from the abyss spread before you.  Shapes can be seen scrambling to reach the safety of the gates, as shadows of fear sweep across the fields.  Spears fly forth from the darkness, whistling death.  As the shapes stumble and fall, now clearly visible to be halflings of the plains, dark laughter fills the night.  Great and terrible voices wheeze out of the darkness, raising prayers to a dark god in a blasphemous tongue.  One man, small as a child falls, his lips can be seen moving in prayers to a god who will never listen.

From atop the battlements, dwarven watchmen avert their eyes to the slaughter below, doggedly working to operate the great engines which would seal the iron portal.  Finally, with a great boom and thud the doors slam shut, and survivors collapse in safety within the confines of the Citadel.  Worse than anything yet mentioned however, are the pathetic echoes of the portal's lock, tiny poundings on the door, fists beating at the gates to salvation, ever closed to their pleas.  Then suddenly, all the noise stops, as even the muffled screams fade once death has been visited upon the frames of the fearful.

Looking out over the horizon, the flames have spread, and illuminated by their terrible light looms a terible evil.  A truly colossal arachnid of epic proportions looms out of the darkness, it's eyes containing an insatiable hunger for both blood, and fear.  eerily, the night is once again filled with the wheezing cries of the damned, praising their cruelty, their deed painted upon the grass in blood.

any comments?  I've heard this is my best work...  and honestly, I'd like to hear it again.

[Xathan]

I said it before and said it again: Wow. never again claim you can't paint, my friend. Awesome stuff here. The images are amazing.

[Soup Nazi]

any comments? I've heard this is my best work... and honestly, I'd like to hear it again.

It's the best thing I've seen so far for Godswalk...bring on the nasty arachnoids!

[Velox]

This is your best work.

Really, this is quite good. You can feel the fear of the people fleeing and the helplessness as the gate is sealed.