• Welcome to The Campaign Builder's Guild.
 

Critique Godswalk

Started by Numinous, March 05, 2006, 11:26:54 AM

Previous topic - Next topic

Soup Nazi

Quote from: Natural 20In my setting, as it stands now, Dwarves have been reduced to a Bbn like stereo-type.  furs, mountain forges, etc.  I am currently trying to establish a desert culture in my world.  so far, 2 options have been made to appear.

1.  I make dwarves into a LG culture that uses the desert as a place to purify their spirits to beter prepare themselves for when they embark to fight evil.  In this model I use Raptorans descended from Rocs as barbarian tribes in the craggy cliffs of the worlds mountains.  Problem with this model is explaining Dwarves forging metals in a n already uncomfortably hot environment, and whether i can successfully move the metal-working theme over to the raptorans.  in this model, dwarves favored class becomes Paladin and their racial ability modifiers are +2 Con, -2 Int.

2.  Use Raptorans as the desert culture, dwarves stay as they are now.  Problem with this is that paladins are built to use heavy armor, and Raptorans cannot fly with heavy armor.  However, the desert feel I think complements the raptoran's as a desert race.

So, opinions, comments?  please help...
I can easily see raptorians descended from rocs as a desert dwelling race. Dwarves actually could be too, with shaved heads and beards perhaps, but then they start to feel like Dark Sun dwarves...so forget that. Stick with the raptorians.

What's up with the paladins? Couldn't lawful good rangers fill the same role, and actually fit the desert climate and raptorian race better? If you've got some particular reason why you want paladins enlighten me. The class could be tweaked a bit to accomodate desert environments and light armor if you really need paladins out there.

-Nasty-
The spoon is mightier than the sword


Numinous

I suppose I could do this without paladins, i just shortened out everything, and i realy liked the idea of using the desert to purify the soul.  Anyway, i had an idea for a variant Palain that was CG, enter the "Crusader".

Now time for a good news break.  Since all the divine races and their PC-friendly races have been decided upon, i will be tightening up the assignment of domains and the concepts behind the Ancients shortly.  

I'm not so sure about the Ascendants yet, I'm debating building them up in a more random fashion to highlight their uncoordinated rise to power.  

I'm planning on stripping down dwarves now, Removing their Stonecunning ability, bonuses on attacks agianst orcs and goblins, and their dodge bonuses against giants.  i'm just curious if it would be balanced to give them a +2 racial bonus to strength in exchange for the loss of these abilities.  

Thoughts?
Previously: Natural 20, Critical Threat, Rose of Montague
- Currently working on: The Smoking Hills - A bottom-up, seat-of-my-pants, fairy tale adventure!

Soup Nazi

QuoteI'm planning on stripping down dwarves now, Removing their Stonecunning ability, bonuses on attacks agianst orcs and goblins, and their dodge bonuses against giants. i'm just curious if it would be balanced to give them a +2 racial bonus to strength in exchange for the loss of these abilities.

Thoughts?

No way! strength bonuses are powerful, and the abilites you are cutting are almost trivial. Just replace them with similar abilites that would useful in their environment, Like bonuses to survival checks or something similar.

-Nasty-
The spoon is mightier than the sword


Numinous

That's why I asked, thanks Nasty.  Maybe I'll just give them a +2 bonus to survival.  Take them down a peg, y'know?
Previously: Natural 20, Critical Threat, Rose of Montague
- Currently working on: The Smoking Hills - A bottom-up, seat-of-my-pants, fairy tale adventure!

Numinous

Update:  I will also be starting the ascendants soon.  aking a page from Oakspar77777, I will be avoiding making the setting too cute, and there will be an as of yet undetermined number of gods with fairly random concepts to represent the fact that  they all rose somewhat randomly and therefore shouldn't form a perfectly meshing pantheon.
Previously: Natural 20, Critical Threat, Rose of Montague
- Currently working on: The Smoking Hills - A bottom-up, seat-of-my-pants, fairy tale adventure!

Xathan

QuoteSunetos (Ancient, Intermediate Deity)
The Wind Above, Watcher of the Veil
Alignment: Chaotic Good
Portfolio: birds, roads, death
Domains: Air, Travel, Death
Worshippers:
Symbol: a roc eclipsing the sun
Cleric Alignments: CN, CE, CG, TN
Favored Weapon: Shortspear
Race: Rocs
Ideals: Sunetos is the master of death, and the surveyor of all that there is. His purpose is to bring death to those who deserve it and take it from those who don't. The followers of Sunetos are attuned to the cycle of life and death, and so are not (as) afraid to pass through the veil as others around them. They take devotion to their deity very seriously and will sacrifice almost anything to fulfill his goals.
Appearance: Sunetos appears as a shadowy avian form with glowing white orbs for eyes. alternately he appears as a skeleton garbed in white robes.

I like, alot. Great flavor. Here's a few thoughts I have:

1) Chaotic Good: from your discription of his actions and cleric alignments, he seems more like Chaotic Neutral to me. It's hard for Death Gods to be good in DnD, and I don't see how he is.
2) Intermediate: Is he the only god of Death? if so, it seems to me he would have to be Greater - Death is so common, it would grant him power.

Those are the only things I question. The rest is great. I love the wording you used for his Ideals, and the discription for him is amazing. I'll have to read more stuff later - you captured my interest.
AnIndex of My Work

Quote from: Sparkletwist
It's llitul and the brain, llitul and the brain, one is a genius and the other's insane
Proud Receiver of a Golden Dorito
[spoiler=SRD AND OGC AND LEGAL JUNK]UNLESS OTHERWISE NOTED IN THE POST, NONE OF THE ABOVE CONTENT IS CONSIDERED OGC, EXCEPT FOR MATERIALS ALREADY MADE OGC BY PRIOR PUBLISHERS
Appendix I: Open Game License Version 1.0a
The following text is the property of Wizards of the Coast, Inc. and is Copyright 2000 Wizards of the Coast, Inc ("Wizards"). All Rights Reserved.
1. Definitions: (a)"Contributors" means the copyright and/or trademark owners who have contributed Open Game Content; (b)"Derivative Material" means copyrighted material including derivative works and translations (including into other computer languages), potation, modification, correction, addition, extension, upgrade, improvement, compilation, abridgment or other form in which an existing work may be recast, transformed or adapted; (c) "Distribute" means to reproduce, license, rent, lease, sell, broadcast, publicly display, transmit or otherwise distribute; (d)"Open Game Content" means the game mechanic and includes the methods, procedures, processes and routines to the extent such content does not embody the Product Identity and is an enhancement over the prior art and any additional content clearly identified as Open Game Content by the Contributor, and means any work covered by this License, including translations and derivative works under copyright law, but specifically excludes Product Identity. (e) "Product Identity" means product and product line names, logos and identifying marks including trade dress; artifacts; creatures characters; stories, storylines, plots, thematic elements, dialogue, incidents, language, artwork, symbols, designs, depictions, likenesses, formats, poses, concepts, themes and graphic, photographic and other visual or audio representations; names and descriptions of characters, spells, enchantments, personalities, teams, personas, likenesses and special abilities; places, locations, environments, creatures, equipment, magical or supernatural abilities or effects, logos, symbols, or graphic designs; and any other trademark or registered trademark clearly identified as Product identity by the owner of the Product Identity, and which specifically excludes the Open Game Content; (f) "Trademark" means the logos, names, mark, sign, motto, designs that are used by a Contributor to identify itself or its products or the associated products contributed to the Open Game License by the Contributor (g) "Use", "Used" or "Using" means to use, Distribute, copy, edit, format, modify, translate and otherwise create Derivative Material of Open Game Content. (h) "You" or "Your" means the licensee in terms of this agreement.
2. The License: This License applies to any Open Game Content that contains a notice indicating that the Open Game Content may only be Used under and in terms of this License. You must affix such a notice to any Open Game Content that you Use. No terms may be added to or subtracted from this License except as described by the License itself. No other terms or conditions may be applied to any Open Game Content distributed using this License.
3. Offer and Acceptance: By Using the Open Game Content You indicate Your acceptance of the terms of this License.
4. Grant and Consideration: In consideration for agreeing to use this License, the Contributors grant You a perpetual, worldwide, royalty-free, non-exclusive license with the exact terms of this License to Use, the Open Game Content.
5. Representation of Authority to Contribute: If You are contributing original material as Open Game Content, You represent that Your Contributions are Your original creation and/or You have sufficient rights to grant the rights conveyed by this License.
6. Notice of License Copyright: You must update the COPYRIGHT NOTICE portion of this License to include the exact text of the COPYRIGHT NOTICE of any Open Game Content You are copying, modifying or distributing, and You must add the title, the copyright date, and the copyright holder's name to the COPYRIGHT NOTICE of any original Open Game Content you Distribute.
7. Use of Product Identity: You agree not to Use any Product Identity, including as an indication as to compatibility, except as expressly licensed in another, independent Agreement with the owner of each element of that Product Identity. You agree not to indicate compatibility or co-adaptability with any Trademark or Registered Trademark in conjunction with a work containing Open Game Content except as expressly licensed in another, independent Agreement with the owner of such Trademark or Registered Trademark. The use of any Product Identity in Open Game Content does not constitute a challenge to the ownership of that Product Identity. The owner of any Product Identity used in Open Game Content shall retain all rights, title and interest in and to that Product Identity.
8. Identification: If you distribute Open Game Content You must clearly indicate which portions of the work that you are distributing are Open Game Content.
9. Updating the License: Wizards or its designated Agents may publish updated versions of this License. You may use any authorized version of this License to copy, modify and distribute any Open Game Content originally distributed under any version of this License.
10 Copy of this License: You MUST include a copy of this License with every copy of the Open Game Content You Distribute.
11. Use of Contributor Credits: You may not market or advertise the Open Game Content using the name of any Contributor unless You have written permission from the Contributor to do so.
12 Inability to Comply: If it is impossible for You to comply with any of the terms of this License with respect to some or all of the Open Game Content due to statute, judicial order, or governmental regulation then You may not Use any Open Game Material so affected.
13 Termination: This License will terminate automatically if You fail to comply with all terms herein and fail to cure such breach within 30 days of becoming aware of the breach. All sublicenses shall survive the termination of this License.
14 Reformation: If any provision of this License is held to be unenforceable, such provision shall be reformed only to the extent necessary to make it enforceable.
15 COPYRIGHT NOTICE
Open Game License v 1.0 Copyright 2000, Wizards of the Coast, Inc.
Fudge 10th Anniversary Edition Copyright 2005, Grey Ghost Press, Inc.; Authors Steffan O'Sullivan and Ann Dupuis, with additional material by Jonathan Benn, Peter Bonney, Deird'Re Brooks, Reimer Behrends, Don Bisdorf, Carl Cravens, Shawn Garbett, Steven Hammond, Ed Heil, Bernard Hsiung, J.M. "Thijs" Krijger, Sedge Lewis, Shawn Lockard, Gordon McCormick, Kent Matthewson, Peter Mikelsons, Robb Neumann, Anthony Roberson, Andy Skinner, William Stoddard, Stephan Szabo, John Ughrin, Alex Weldon, Duke York, Dmitri Zagidulin
System Reference Document Copyright 2000-2003, Wizards of the Coast, Inc.; Authors Jonathan Tweet, Monte Cook, Skip Williams, Rich Baker, Andy Collins, David Noonan, Rich Redman, Bruce R. Cordell, based on original material by E. Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson.

Modern System Reference Doument Copyright 2002, Wizards of the Coast, Inc.; Authors Bill Slavicsek, Jeff Grubb, Rich Redman, Charles Ryan, based on material by Jonathan Tweet, Monte Cook, Richard Baker, Peter Adkison, Bruce R. Cordell, John Tynes, Andy Collins, and JD Walker.

Unearthed Arcana Copyright 2004, Wizards of the Coast, Inc.; Andy Collins, Jesse Decker, David Noonan, Rich Redman.

Mutants and Masterminds Second Edition Copyright 2005, Green Ronin Publishing; Steve Kenson
Fate (Fantastic Adventures in Tabletop Entertainment) Copyright 2003 by Evil Hat Productions, LLC. Authors Robert Donoghue and Fred Hicks.
Spirit of the Century Copyright 2006 by Evil Hat Productions, LLC. Authors Robert Donoghue, Fred Hicks, and Leonard Balsera
Xathan's forum posts at http://www.thecbg.org Copyright 2006-2011, J.A. Raizman.
[/spoiler]

Soup Nazi

I love the dwarven creation myth. I would however like some explaination about why the ogres carved statues in the image they did. Was it some divine inspired art? I can't really see ogres thinking of tiny little statues as defensive totems; am I missing something?

Also are your ogres lawful? They seem to be based upon the structure of their society, but I am curious. I have no issues with alignment deviations from the norm...in fact I encourage it (it makes things interesting w/o changing stats or mechanics). It's nice to see the ogres in some sort of image other than barbaric brute, and a lawful society would do the trick.

Keep me posted if you add anything else.

-Nasty-

The spoon is mightier than the sword


Numinous

Yes, the ogres aee lawful and the dwarves are chaotic, a bit of a role change for both.  I'm not sure yet how to explain the totems, but I felt that the myth was too good to discard, and I'm sure I will think of something eventually.
Previously: Natural 20, Critical Threat, Rose of Montague
- Currently working on: The Smoking Hills - A bottom-up, seat-of-my-pants, fairy tale adventure!

Raelifin

The Ancients have been added to the Godswalk website. Please tell me if you have anything to add or a format you'd prefer. Worshipers only has one "p" btw. :)

Numinous

OK, this is the schism wars so far...

When dragons were originally crafted by their god, they were cunning beasts capable of unparalelled destruction.  After several generations of these terrible creatures came to be, some variation in the mindset of these beasts came about.  Certain dragons looked upon the world and began to see the beauty in what they were destroying.  Unfortunately, there deisre for destruction was built into their very bodies and could not be overcome.  In a mad attempt to purify themeselves, this small draconic minority sought out help among the more peaceful gods of the pantheon.  Of these, only Hutor lent his aid, granting them new forms of beauty and peace, although still reminiscent of the grace they had previously.

Tisis, greatly angewred by the corruption of his creations immediately launched a religious war against Hutor.  Alliances were caled upon, and the heavens themselves burned with the fires of war.  As the sky above roared, followers on Egridar engaged in a mirror war on the material plane.

During the chaos that ensued, divine power was scattered about carelessly from the wars above.  Several mortals managed to claim this power and rise to a level of godhood themselves.  With this ascension, they began to collect worshipers and rapidly increased in power.  This soon caught the attention of the Ancients, causing them to make a shaky peace in order to fully prepare themselves for this new threat.  Now, these newly arisen mortals hold desparately to their divine gifts, gathering great kingdoms on the world of mortals.  A divine staring contest ensues as the powers probe at eachothers weaknesses, alliances are formed, and the fate of the world is plotted out.
Previously: Natural 20, Critical Threat, Rose of Montague
- Currently working on: The Smoking Hills - A bottom-up, seat-of-my-pants, fairy tale adventure!

Soup Nazi

Nice. It's rough, but the Schism Wars tie all your concepts together quite well. I kind of wondered where the ascendants got their power, and now I know. How long ago was this?

-Nasty-
The spoon is mightier than the sword


Numinous

I'm thinking about setting this up to be, at least the truce and ascension, at about 250 years ago.  That way, divine politics can be at their peak, and the ascendants are still resonably new, but have had time to establish themselves.
Previously: Natural 20, Critical Threat, Rose of Montague
- Currently working on: The Smoking Hills - A bottom-up, seat-of-my-pants, fairy tale adventure!

Numinous

Raelifin has summarised the schism wars quite well, so I though I'd put his impression up here.

Quote from: RaelifinLet me see if I can summarize: Tisis creates dragons (chromatic), dragons wreak havok, some dragons sympathize, Hutor changes good dragons (metalic), Chromatics attack metalics creating the schism wars, Hutor and Tisis draw alies and create a world-war, Heroes of the war are fueled by the divine energy of the creators and become the acendants, the ancients fear for the sake of/their hold on the universe and cease the conflict...
Previously: Natural 20, Critical Threat, Rose of Montague
- Currently working on: The Smoking Hills - A bottom-up, seat-of-my-pants, fairy tale adventure!

Numinous

Ok, Raelifin, NastyNate, and Xathan know about this, but I'm gonna put it up for further review and so I have it somewhere...

Tanultsep
The Decaying lord
Portfolio: Undeath, control
domains: Domination, evil, ?
info: Tanultsep was the greatest servant of sunetos, at least before he ascended.  Now he rules the desert kingdoms of the raptorans, patron of their zombie forces...

Raelifin's summary
Quote from: RaelifinSunetos creates the ultimate manefestation of his will, the roc. Priests around the world see the roc as a powerful omen of the greater god and worship the rocs.  The schism wars create a bounty of food for the scavenging monstrocities and the clerics of Sunetos follow the great birds to the battlefields where they feast. Emulating the rocs, the deranged worshipers engorge themselves in mad feast, cannibalizing everything in sight. Scores of clerics die from disease. Those that survive seek to make a better race and manage to do so by magically cross-breeding with rocs. The unholy union creates the raptorans (please rename) who kill their creators in a mad fury. ...  FACK!
Previously: Natural 20, Critical Threat, Rose of Montague
- Currently working on: The Smoking Hills - A bottom-up, seat-of-my-pants, fairy tale adventure!

Soup Nazi

Tell em about the giant fiendish cannibal zombie chickens and the priesthood that sustains their people by eating the flesh of their zombie slaves...I'm not kidding!

-Nasty-
The spoon is mightier than the sword